WHATS POPPIN? IN THIS INSTALLMENT OF MY WHITE PEOPLE DISCOVERY GUIDE I'LL BE SPEAKIN ON WHITE PEOPLE'S MATING TECHNIQUES. NAHMEAN? LIKE HOW THEY GET PUSSY & SHIT. "MERO WHAT ARE YOU TALKIN ABOUT? WHAT DO WHITE PEOPLE DO DIFFERENT WHEN THEY COURT FEMALES BRUH?" FOR REAL? HERE IT GO...
1- CLASSIFICATION: WHITE PEOPLE "DATE" NO OTHER PEOPLE BESIDES WHITE PEOPLE WILL BE LIKE "I'M DATING RACHEL, BUT ITS OPEN." IF YOU ASK ME I'D BE LIKE "I FUCK WIT RACHEL, NOT ON SOME WIFEY SHIT THOUGH WE JUST JUMP OFF ON WEEKENDS" SO OFF TOP YOU GOT USE OF THE WORD "DATING".
2-THIRST LEVEL: I'LL GO OUT WITH A CHICK AND THE NEXT DAY HIT HER UP LIKE " " (THATS BLANK CUZ IM NOT HITTIN HER UP)...WHITE GUYS WILL TEXT A BITCH IMMEJUTLY AFTER THE "DATE" ON SOME SHIT LIKE "I HAD AN AWESOME TIME! SUSHI WAS GREAT! SO WAS THE CONVERSATION! HOPE TO HEAR FROM YOU SOON RACHEL! BY THE WAY THAT'S A BEAUTIFUL NAME! AND SO ARE YOU! YOU'RE A BEAUTIFUL GIRL! OR SHOULD I SAY WOMAN? LOL!! JK!! TTYS!!" REALLY B? WHY DON'T YOU JUST PROPOSE TO THIS BITCH ON THE SPOT? NIGGA YOU STILL IN THE CAB ON THE WAY HOME! GIVE THE BROAD SOME TIME TO THINK ABOUT WHAT A NERD YOU ARE BEFORE YOU DRIVE IT HOME EMPHATICALLY WITH YOUR THIRSTINESS.
3- MIXTAPES: ALL MY NON-WHITE READERS ARE LIKE "WHAT DOES DJ DRAMA HAVE TO DO WITH DATING?" HE HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH DATING, BUT WHITE PEOPLE HAVE A DIFFERENT DEFINITION OF MIXTAPES. THIS IS WHAT I MEAN WHEN I SAY MIXTAPE AND THIS IS WHAT A WHITE PEOPLE MIXTAPE IS ALTHOUGH NOWADAYS ITS USUALLY ON A CD AND IT'S USUALLY CALLED SOMETHING WILD CORNY LIKE "FOR RACHEL, WITH UNDYING LOVE." OR "FOR WHEN YOU THINK OF ME." THIS IS HOW WHITE PEOPLE PROFESS THEIR LOVE FOR ONE ANOTHER. THAT SHIT BAFFLES ME BUT YO, IF YOU AIN'T WHITE YOU DON'T KNOW ABOUT THIS SO BE VERY CAREFUL. WHEN DEALING WITH A WHITE GIRL DO NOT BURN THE BITCH A CD, EVEN IF ITS A BOOTLEG COPY OF AVATAR. SHE'LL TAKE IT THE WRONG WAY AND POKE A HOLE IN THE CONDOM...(JUST KIDDING, ONLY BLACK BITCHES DO THAT.)
4- AGGRESSION: THIS IS ABOUT WHITE GIRLS, NOT WHITE DUDES. I DON'T KNOW WHERE IN WHITEOSITY THIS CAME FROM BUT THE ROLES GOT REVERSED AND WHITE BITCHES REALLY DO NOT GIVE A FUCK! THEY LAY ALL THEIR CARDS ON THE TABLE. IF IM UPTOWN TALKIN TO SOME PUERTO RICAN BROAD AT A BAR AND I'M MACKIN IT, EVEN IF IN HER HEAD SHE'S THINKIN "I WANNA BLOW THIS GUY IN A STALL RIGHT NOW MY PUSSY IS WETTER THAN NEW ORLEANS GEORGE BUSH DOESN'T CARE ABOUT BLACK PEOPLE" SHE WILL ACT LIKE IM ANNOYING UNTIL I PRY THE BITCH OPEN WITH SOME PATRON AND HENNESSY...MEANWHILE IF I'M AT A BAR WITH A WHITE BITCH BEFORE MY SECOND HEINEKEN SHORTY IS SHOVING ME INTO THE BATHROOM AND CHOKING ME WITH HER THONG. WHITE DUDES CRY AND DO MIXTAPES, WHITE GIRLS WILL RAPE YOU. THEY WILL ALSO ASK YOU OUT, NO FUCKIN PROBLEM. ANY OTHER SPECIES OF BITCHES WILL NOT ASK YOU OUT. NOT NEVER! UNLESS YOU'RE A PROFESSIONAL ATHLETE OR HAVE MORE THAN TWO COMMAS IN YOUR CHECKING ACCOUNT BALANCE.
5- LOCATION: WHITE PEOPLE ARE THE ONLY PEOPLE WHO WILL TAKE A YOGA CLASS TOGETHER AS A "DATE". IM ASKIN A BITCH IF SHE WANTS TO GET SOMETHIN TO EAT AND ETHAN IS ASKING A BITCH IF SHE WANTS TO GO ROCK CLIMBING. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET TO KNOW THIS BITCH IF I GOT MY LEG BEHIND MY HEAD AND I'M TRYIN NOT TO FART WHILE I LAY ON THIS BAMBOO MAT IN SOME GAY ASS PANTS LISTENING TO FLUTES AND RIVERS? ARE WE GONNA HAVE A CONVERSATION WHILE I GOT A HARNESS SQUEEZIN MY NUTS AND I'M WEARIN WATER SHOES CLIMBIN UP THIS FAKE MOUNTAIN? FUCK OUTTA HERE.
AND THIS IS JUST THE TIP OF THE ICEBERG B. DON'T GET ME STARTED. STAPLE THIS TO PART ONE AND GET READY CUZ WHEN I GET MY PHD IN CAUCASIANS IMA START TEACHIN YALL AND THIS IS FINNA BE REQUIRED READING.
ALSO POSTED ON "LOVE IN THE DUMPS" SO SHOUTOUT TO THEM!!
