skip to main |
skip to sidebar
WHO TOLD THESE FAT BITCHES THEY WASN'T FAT? IT GET A LITTLE HOT AND BITCHES WANNA ACT ALL OUTTA CHARACTER? FAT BITCHES NEED TO RELAX I'M TELLIN YOU B, YOU PUTTIN YASELF OUT THERE LIKE DUCKHUNT AND I GOT THE LONG ASS NINTENDO GUN."MERO I THINK I'M FAT HOW I KNOW IF I'M A FAT BITCH OR JUST THICK"STOP RIGHT THERE...FAT BITCHES BE ABUSIN THE WORD THICK...IF YOU WEIGH 190 POUNDS THE ONLY WAY YOU "THICK" IS IF YOU 6'2"...YOU CAN'T BE 5'1" AND WEIGH ALMOST 2 BILLS AND BE "THICK" AND IF YOU 6'2" AND 180 HOLLA AT ME I NEED TO JUMP SOME FEMALES.THERES A COUPLE WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU FAT. HERE THEY IS.YOU GOT CANKLES BITCH...THIS IS TYPE BASIC, ITS POSSIBLE FOR A BITCH TO JUST HAVE OD WEIRD LEGS AND NOT BE FAT, BUT EITHER WAY YOU GOT WEIRD LEGS SO IM NOT DUMPIN ON THOSE CHEEKS, SORRY.YOU GOT THAT ARM FAT SHIT THAT LOOK LIKE YOU A FAT FLYING SQUIRREL WIT LIPGLOSS ON...WIT YOUR FAT ASS. GET THAT SHIT OUTTA HERE NIGGA, GO TRAIN DOBERMANS WITH THAT SHITYOU GOT THEM CHICKEN WING TITS THAT LOOK LIKE LITTLE TRIANGLES ON YA CHEST SHITS IS LIKE LITTLE FLAPS AND THEY JUST LAYIN ON YA CHEST LIKE THAT AND YA NIPPLES IS ALL POINTIN SOUTH LIKE THEY DROPPED THEY CELLPHONE ON THE FLOOR AND THE BATTERY FELL OUT AND THEY LOOKIN FOR THAT SHIT AND I DONT GIVE A FUCK THIS A RUN ON AND WHAT? #POWBITCH CHICKEN WING TITS IS STANDARD FAT BITCH TITS B. SOME FAT BITCHES GOT SOME BIG ASS TITS AND THAT KINDA PUTS A CHECK IN YOUR PLUS COLUMN BUT IF YOU A FAT BITCH WITH CHICKEN WING TITS...PSH...TRY TO GET NIGGAS DRUNK AND HIGH AS HELL BEFORE YOU MAKE YOUR MOVE AND YOU MIGHT COULD HAVE A 39.8239% CHANCE OF SNARING A NIGGA...(AND BY SNARING I MEAN GIVIN THE NIGGA A BJ AND SNEAKIN OUTTA THE HOUSE BEFORE HE COMES TO HIS SENSES)YOUR NOSE SWEATS. I SWEAR TO PAPA DIOS I NEVER SEEN A NON FAT PERSON NOSE SWEAT. I WASN'T AROUND IN SLAVERY DAYS BUT IF I WAS I BET YOU NOT EVEN KUNTA KINTE (AKA TOBY) NOSE SWEATED B AFTER SHOOTIN ALL THEM TAKES AND PICKIN MAD COTTON AND GETTIN HIS ASS WHIPPED AND ALL THAT. (ON A SIDE NOTE WHITE PEOPLE SWEAT GRAY B, I SEENT IT.)YOU GOT THAT PACK OF FRANKS ON YA NECK NIGGA YOU ALREADY KNOW...IF THE BACK OF YOUR NECK LOOK LIKE A RUMBLE STRIP, YOU FUCKIN FAT. IF THE SHIT MAKES AN ANGRY ANIME FACE WHEN YOU LOOK AT THE CEILING FAN YOU EXTRA WILD FAT NIGGA AND YOU NEED TO BE EASY WITH THE MILKSHAKES, WHY YOU PUTTIN AN EXTRA SCOOP OF ICECREAM IN YA MILKSHAKE?! YOU JUST ATE A BACON EGG & CHEESE ON A HERO BITCH! STOP RIGHT NOW!SO YO IF YOU MATCH THIS SHIT STOP PLAYIN YASELF AND SHOPPING ANYWHERE BUT LANE BRYANT, WIT YA FAT ASS. DON'T LET ME SEE YOU WEARIN ANYTHING MADE OUTTA SPANDEX. DON'T WEAR LEGGINGS AS PANTS EITHER CUZ THE SEAMS ON THEM SHITS IS LOOKIN LIKE ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER ON MARS.
I AIN'T KNOW WHAT PICTURE TO PUT UP THERE SO I PUT TWO WHITE NIGGAS DRINKIN WINE LOOKIN MAD HAPPY.
IM THE HOOD DR. PHIL(LIE)!!
Dear Mero, Since you give good, practical dating advice, I figured you might be able to give proper advice for a complicated situation I'm finding myself in lately. I'm 26 and I'm burnt out from investing myself into bad relationships. I haven't (by choice) been with another person for almost 6 months. I met someone recently who shows all the warning signs for someone who I shouldn't take seriously, but I can't help but get closer to him - there's something really intense about the two of us communicating with each other. He tried to stop talking to me because he says that I deserve someone better than him, but I wouldn't let him get away from me that easily... I didn't really like him that much at the time, but I wanted him as a friend. At this point I'm surprisingly drawn to him, I spend a lot of time thinking of him to the point that it has been distracting me. He lives in another city, and I know that when we see each other, since I haven't been with anyone for a long time, I will have a really difficult time holding myself back from being affectionate with him. While I know he doesn't have all the characteristics of someone I want to invest myself in romantically, I still want to have him in my life. How do I genuinely care for someone without giving a fuck at all? Should I force myself to keep things strictly platonic? Should I not even worry so much about this stuff and do what feels good? Do I risk losing another special connection to a bad relationship? Is it worth it to risk myself one more time for the possibility of having everything turn out good? Any advice would be appreciated. You don't need to post all of this on the blog.....
-ConfusedAboutRelationships
DEAR MY NIGGA CONFUSED,
I POSTED ALL THAT SHIT ON THE BLOG. THE SHIT ABOUT DATING AND RELATIONSHIPS THAT NIGGAS GET TWISTED (ESPECIALLY FEMALES ALOTTA THE TIME) IS THAT THEY TREAT THE SHIT LIKE LIFE OR DEATH B. THE WAY I LOOK AT IT IS LIKE THIS...IF YOU FEEL LIKE FUCKIN WITH DUDE WHEN YOU'RE WITH HIM, THEN FUCK WITH THE NIGGA! IT'S POSSIBLE TO HAVE A GOOD TIME WITH A NIGGA AND NOT BE SWEATIN CRYIN STRESSIN ABOUT THE SHIT WHEN HE'S NOT AROUND. IF YOU HAVEN'T GOTTEN NO D IN 6 MONTHS THEN YOU SHOULD GO FOR IT B. IF YOU SMOKE BUD IMAGINE NOT SMOKIN FOR HALF A YEAR THEN YOU SMOKE A MEAN BLUNT TO THE FACIAL...THAT'S WHAT THAT SHIT IS FINNA BE LIKE. ALL THE AFTER SHIT WON'T MATTER UNLESS YOU MAKE IT MATTER. YOU'RE IN TOTAL CONTROL OF THE SHIT.
YOU SHOULD ALSO TRY TO HAVE SOME NIGGAS COMIN OFF THE BENCH. IF YOU IN NYC (WHICH I ASSUME EVERYONE IS, SO IF YOU NOT DISREGARD) AND YOU HAVE A VAGINA FINDING NIGGAS IS LIKE FINDING PIGEON SHIT, NIGGAS ARE EVERYWHERE. FIRST AND FOREMOST, TREAT RELATIONSHIPS LIKE YOU TRYNA CATCH A CHICKEN, DON'T CHASE THE SHIT ALL CRAZY, CUZ THE SHIT IS GONNA RUN AWAY. RELAX, TAKE IT EASY, PUT THAT CORN OUT AND YOU BOUT TO HAVE A MEAN CHICKEN DINNER.
YO WHAT IS REALLY GOOD WITH YALL NIGGAS MAN? SHOUTOUT TO P DOLLAZ FOR THE EMAIL...I AIN'T HAD SOMETHIN IN MY BOX LONGER THAN BEA ARTHUR NO HOMO. YALL NIGGAS RUN OUT OF QUESTIONS? YOU NIGGAS DON'T NEED HELP? CESAR CHAVEZ SAID "YOU ARE NEVER STRONG ENOUGH THAT YOU DON'T NEED HELP" AND THAT NIGGA WAS MEXICAN AND MEXICANS CAN DELIVER 6 BABIES WHILE MOPPING A FLOOR AND MAKING 12 PIZZAS. SO I KNOW YOU MUTHAFUCKAS NEED HELP. GET IT TOGETHER. AXEDAKID@YAHOO.COMyo mero whats the deal with white people sayin nigga? who gets a pass & who oughta get stomped for that shit in your opinion.
RIGHT WHEN I STARTED TO WRITE THIS SOME DUDE DROVE BY OUTSIDE BLASTIN THIS AND ALL I HEARD WAS "NIGGAS GON GET SHOT" MAD LOUD. THAT WAS OD APPROPRIATE. LISTEN MAN, IF YOU WHITE, SAY NIGGA ALL YOU WANT, PERSONALLY I LOVE THE WORD NIGGA. I MIGHT CATCH SOME HEAT FOR THAT BUT ASK ME IF I GIVE A FUCK. TO WHITE PEOPLE SAYIN NIGGA IS LIKE SEX WITHOUT A CONDOM B. SHIT FEEL GOOD AS FUCK BUT IS POTENTIALLY FATAL. YOU COULD JUST BE CHILLIN IN YOUR WHIP AT THE LIGHT BEIN WHITE AND LISTENIN TO STYLES P SAYIN "YOU NIGGAS'LL CALL THE PRECINCT WITCHA GOVERNMENT NAME...IF A NIGGA POP SHIT IMA BURY HIS MOMS" FEELIN GREAT AND EXTRA THUGGED OUT...THEN YOU FEELIN YOURSELF AND YOU HOP OUT AT WALMART PUT YOUR HOOD UP ON YOUR SNORKEL AND SAY "WATTUP MY NIGGAS" TO THE GROUP OF BLACK DUDES IN THE PARKIN LOT AND GET THROWN UP IN THE AIR LIKE THIS.SO IF YOU READY FOR THE POTENTIAL BACKLASH STOP WORRYING ABOUT SHIT AND JUST TALK HOWEVER YOU WANT MY CAUCASOID. I FEEL LIKE YOU SHOULD JUST SAY WORDS THAT COME OUT NATURALLY B. IF YOU GOTTA C-SECTION YOUR MOUTH TO SAY "NIGGA" AND THE SHIT IS A WHOLE THOUGHT PROCESS THEN YOU SHOULDN'T BE SAYIN IT. I BE SAYIN NIGGA ALL THE TIME B, SHIT JUST ROLLS OFF MY TONGUE (ll). I GOT MORE "NIGGAS" IN MY MOUTH THAN ALL THE KARDASHIAN SISTERS PUT TOGETHER WILD PAUSE NO HOMO CUZ THAT WAS WILD MO I APOLOGIZE IF I JUST MADE YOU UNCOMFORTABLE.YOU KNOW WHAT GETS ME THOUGH? NIGGAS LOSING AN ARGUMENT OR FEELIN STUPID IN A CONFRONTATION AND THEN PULLING THE "NIGGER" CARD. LIKE I'LL TELL A NIGGA HE'S A CORNBALL CUZ HE WAS TALKING ABOUT YUGI-OH FOR 37 MINUTES AND HOMIE WILL BE LIKE "SHUTUP NIGGER"...REALLY DOGS? YOU COULDN'T THINK OF ANYTHING ELSE? PERSONALLY YOU CAN CALL ME A "NIGGER" ALL DAY. SHIT IS JUST WORDS, STICKS AND STONES AND ALL THAT BUT IT JUST MAKES SNAPPIN ON EACHOTHER MAD BORING. IF I START SNAPPIN ON A WHITE DUDE HE'LL INEVITABLY BE LIKE "NIGGER!" WHEN HE FEEL LIKE HE IN TOO DEEP. THAT SHIT IS LIKE THE ATOM BOMB OF SNAPPIN CUZ HE JUST TOOK IT TO THAT LEVEL WHERE HE THOUGHT THE SHIT WAS OVER AND IF YOU PURSUE IT BEYOND THAT HOMIE JUST GOES INTO "NIGGER" OVERDRIVE...THEN WHAT? I DON'T EVEN GET TO USE THE HARDBODY DISSES LIKE "NIGGA YOUR MOM BE RIDIN A TANDEM BIKE WITH A PRE-OP TRANNY DOWN BURNSIDE WITH BOXER BRIEFS ON HER HEAD" AND INSTEAD I JUST GOTTA CALL AL SHARPTON AND THE BLACK ISREALITES AND JUMP THAT NIGGA WHEN HE COMIN OUTTA WHOLEFOODS.SO YEAH MY NIGGA, SAY NIGGA. SAY IT ALL YOU WANT, BUT BE ADVISED NOT EVERYONE IS A NICE GUY LIKE ME. YOU MIGHT BUMP INTO A GROUP OF BLACK DUDES THAT WILL POUND YOU UNTIL YOU THROW UP YOUR PANCREAS AND THEN STAB YOU IN YOUR EYEBALL SOCKETS. JUST CUZ YOU WANTED TO BE DOWN. BEIN DOWN AIN'T ALL THAT B. ASK YOUR GRANDPA NIGGA, HE'D RATHER BE UP, PAUSE.
MY NIGGA DIRTY BITCHES ARE THE WORST. YOU EVER CATCH A BITCH WIT LONG NAILS BUT THEM SHITS AIN'T MANICURED OR POLISHED AND THEY GOT DIRT UNDER THEM, AND THEY ALL DIFFERENT SIZES LIKE A FUCKIN BAG OF CHOCOLATE COVERED PEANUTS? THAT'S THE WORST B. I'LL POINT THAT SHIT OUT TO A BITCH LIKE "YO MA WHAT HAPPENED? DID YOU DIG YOURSELF OUTTA YOUR GRAVE? WHATS REALLY GOOD?ALSO, WHY YOU GOT A 5 DAY OLD BANDAID ON YOUR ARM? TAKE THAT SHIT OFF AND PUT A NEW ONE ON, I CAN SEE THE FUCKIN DIRT OUTLINE YOU NASTY ASS BITCH. WHY YOU WORE THEM FLIPFLOPS FOR A WEEK STRAIGHT? THEY GOT A BLACK FOOT PRINT ON THEM B, NOW THE BOTTOM OF YOUR FOOT LOOKS LIKE YOU WORK IN A FUCKIN COAL MINE BAREFOOT. WHY YOUR FEET SMELL LIKE RONNIE TURIAF SCALP IN THE 4TH QUARTER? DID YOU PEE ON YASELF?...6 HOURS AGO? WHY YOU WEAR THAT TIGHT DINGY ASS HOODIE WITH THE THUMBHOLE CUT OUT? WHY THAT SHIT GOT ARMPIT SWEAT STAINS? WHY YOU ONLY HAVE ONE BRA? WHY YOUR HAIR LOOK SO FUCKIN GREASY? YOU GOT DREADLOCKS? NO? THEN WHY IT LOOK LIKE YOU GOT DREADLOCKS? WHY YOU GOT PIMPLES ON YOUR CHEST? WHY IF I RUB A NAPKIN ON THE BACK OF YOUR NECK THE SHIT TURN GRAY? FUCK IS YOUR LIFE LIKE? YOU HOMELESS?AND WHY YOUR JEANS LOOK DINGY AS FUCK LIKE YOU LIVE IN KENTUCKY IN THE WOODS AND BE CLIMBIN TREES ALL DAY? CHILL MA YOUR SNEAKERS LOOK LIKE WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF YOU HIDE THEM UNDER A DIRTY ROCK UNDER A BRIDGE. YOU NEED A SHOWER, A MANI/PEDI, A FUCKIN FACIAL, AND YOU NEED TO STOP WEARIN CLOTHES 4 DAYS IN A ROW AND YOU NEED TO BUY SOME NEW PANTIES CUZ THESE ONES GOT STAINS FROM YOUR 2ND PERIOD YOU EVER GOT IN YA LIFE...AND THE LITTLE BAGINA PAD PART IS PILLING. PANTIES IS LIKE 20 FOR $5 AT VICTORIAS SECRET B STEP YA FUCKIN LIFE UP.BITCH WHY YOU SMELL LIKE WET STRAY GERMAN SHEPHERDS BITCH? WHY YOU LOOK LIKE YOU RUBBED A PIECE OF POPEYES CHICKEN ON YA FOREHEAD? WHY THE CARPET IN YOUR CRIB IS SUPPOSED TO BE TAN BUT LOOKS LIKE DESERT CAMOUFLAGE? WHY IS THERE COOKIE CRUMBS ON YOUR COUCH? HOW OLD IS THAT CUP O NOODLES B? DO YOU WIPE BOOGERS UNDER YOUR COFFEE TABLE? IS THAT BOOGERS? WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT? WHY YOUR TOWELS SMELL LIKE THAT? HOW OLD IS THIS DOODOO IN THE TOILET? HOW LONG THEM TAMPONS BEEN IN THERE? ARE YOU SERIOUS? IT TAKES LIKE AN HOUR TO CLEAN A CRIB, ARE YOU OBAMA BITCH? YOU DON'T GOT AN HOUR A WEEK?WHY THE ONLY PAIR OF HEELS YOU GOT LOOK LIKE YOU RUBBED THEM SHITS WITH A PUMICE STONE? WHY YOU RUBBIN YA SHOES WITH A PUMICE STONE AND YA FEET LOOK LIKE BARNEY RUBBLES SMASHIN ROCKS WITH HIS FEET? WHY THE INSIDE OF YOUR CAR LOOK LIKE A TRASH CAN ON 138TH ST? WHY EVERYTIME I SIT IN YOUR CAR I SMELL LIKE THAT SHIT FOR A WEEK? WHY IS YOUR SEAT WET? IT AIN'T EVEN RAINED IN LIKE A MONTH, WHY IS THERE CIGGARETTE BUTTS IN YOUR GLOVEBOX? WHY DOES IT SMELL LIKE A DORM ROOM IN THIS BITCH? WHY IS THERE $8000 WORTH OF CANS ON THE FLOOR IN THIS SHIT? WHY YOU GOT A KORN ALBUM ON CASSETTE IN THE TAPE DECK? WHY YOU HAVE AN INSANE CLOWN POSSE STICKER ON YOUR WINDOW? WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK ABOUT WHEN YOU WAKE UP?BITCH YOU ARE UNKEMPT.
LOOK AT THIS NIGGA MAN. YOU AN A-RAB AT A FIREWORKS STORE AND YOU TRYNA BLOW SOME SHIT UP AND YOU DON'T EVEN WEAR A HAT AND SOME GLASSES? WHAT A FUCKIN CLOWN.YO YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M BORN AND RAISED IN NEW YORK CITY B AND I NEVER NOT ONCE EVEN BEEN ANYWHERE OTHER THAN NYC EXCEPT FOR DR FOR MORE THAN A MONTH. WHAT'S THE POINT OF ME SAYIN THAT? THE POINT IS I CAN HONESTLY SAY I'M NOT SWEATIN THESE TERRORIST NIGGAS AT ALL. I'M MORE WORRIED ABOUT GETTIN HIT IN THE COCONUT WITH A STRAY BULLET FROM A SHOOTOUT BETWEEN 2 TEENAGERS THEN ONE OF THESE NIGGAS BLOWIN ME UP WITH COW SHIT.FIRST OF ALL IM IN THE BRONX. WHICH IS PROBABLY THE LAST PLACE ON THESE NIGGAS HITLIST. THEY TRYNA KILL NIGGAS IN A DIFFERENT TAX BRACKET THAN ME B. IF THEY BLOW UP THE P'S THEY DOING RICH NIGGAS A FAVOR CUZ THATS LIKE 1.2 BILLION IN FOOD STAMPS OFF THE BOOKS.THE REAL REASON I'M NOT WORRIED ABOUT THESE NIGGAS THOUGH IS THAT THESE NIGGAS DON'T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK THEY DOIN!! THEY CAN MAKE A BOMB OUT A CAN OF BEANS IN AFGHANISTAN BUT BRING THE NIGGAS OVER HERE AND PUT THEM IN WALMART AND NIGGAS BUY ALL THE WRONG SHIT AND FUCK SHIT UP.THIS NIGGA THAT TRIED TO BLOW UP HIS WHIP IN TIMES SQUARE WAS EITHER TOO PUSSY TO SUICIDE HIS DELF OR HE WAS THE ILL DUMB NIGGA. HE GOT THE WRONG FERTILIZER, THE WRONG EXPLOSIVES, NIGGA HAD THE PROPANE TANKS SHUT AND THE GAS CANS SHUT. FUCK WAS YOU TRYNA DO MY NIGGA? SAFELY LIGHT YOUR CIGGARETTE? YOU NOT FINNA BLOW UP SHIT! THEN THE NIGGA WENT TO THE AIRPORT TO FLY TO SOME ARAB COUNTRY AND PAID CASH FOR HIS FLIGHT AND HAD NO LUGGAGE. THATS WILD HOTBOY! EVERYTIME I GO TO THE AIRPORT I SHAVE MY WHOLE FACE AND I WEAR THIS AND THESE SO NIGGAS KNOW IM DOMINICAN AND DONT CONFUSE ME FOR A PRAYER RUG ASS NIGGA. LUCKY FOR HIM THE NIGGAS WORKIN FOR THE AIRLINES ARE DUMBER THAN HIM AND LET HIM ON EVEN THOUGH HE BASICALLY HAD ON A SANDWICH BOARD THAT SAID "I'M SUSPECT". BUT HE GOT CAUGHT AT THE LAST MINUTE AND NOW HE'S SOMEWHERE WITH SOME DIESEL WHITE NIGGAS TIED UP ON A CHAIR GETTIN MAD TOILET WATER THROW UP HIS NASALS.
WHATS POPPIN? IN THIS INSTALLMENT OF MY WHITE PEOPLE DISCOVERY GUIDE I'LL BE SPEAKIN ON WHITE PEOPLE'S MATING TECHNIQUES. NAHMEAN? LIKE HOW THEY GET PUSSY & SHIT. "MERO WHAT ARE YOU TALKIN ABOUT? WHAT DO WHITE PEOPLE DO DIFFERENT WHEN THEY COURT FEMALES BRUH?" FOR REAL? HERE IT GO...
1- CLASSIFICATION: WHITE PEOPLE "DATE" NO OTHER PEOPLE BESIDES WHITE PEOPLE WILL BE LIKE "I'M DATING RACHEL, BUT ITS OPEN." IF YOU ASK ME I'D BE LIKE "I FUCK WIT RACHEL, NOT ON SOME WIFEY SHIT THOUGH WE JUST JUMP OFF ON WEEKENDS" SO OFF TOP YOU GOT USE OF THE WORD "DATING".
2-THIRST LEVEL: I'LL GO OUT WITH A CHICK AND THE NEXT DAY HIT HER UP LIKE " " (THATS BLANK CUZ IM NOT HITTIN HER UP)...WHITE GUYS WILL TEXT A BITCH IMMEJUTLY AFTER THE "DATE" ON SOME SHIT LIKE "I HAD AN AWESOME TIME! SUSHI WAS GREAT! SO WAS THE CONVERSATION! HOPE TO HEAR FROM YOU SOON RACHEL! BY THE WAY THAT'S A BEAUTIFUL NAME! AND SO ARE YOU! YOU'RE A BEAUTIFUL GIRL! OR SHOULD I SAY WOMAN? LOL!! JK!! TTYS!!" REALLY B? WHY DON'T YOU JUST PROPOSE TO THIS BITCH ON THE SPOT? NIGGA YOU STILL IN THE CAB ON THE WAY HOME! GIVE THE BROAD SOME TIME TO THINK ABOUT WHAT A NERD YOU ARE BEFORE YOU DRIVE IT HOME EMPHATICALLY WITH YOUR THIRSTINESS.
3- MIXTAPES: ALL MY NON-WHITE READERS ARE LIKE "WHAT DOES DJ DRAMA HAVE TO DO WITH DATING?" HE HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH DATING, BUT WHITE PEOPLE HAVE A DIFFERENT DEFINITION OF MIXTAPES. THIS IS WHAT I MEAN WHEN I SAY MIXTAPE AND THIS IS WHAT A WHITE PEOPLE MIXTAPE IS ALTHOUGH NOWADAYS ITS USUALLY ON A CD AND IT'S USUALLY CALLED SOMETHING WILD CORNY LIKE "FOR RACHEL, WITH UNDYING LOVE." OR "FOR WHEN YOU THINK OF ME." THIS IS HOW WHITE PEOPLE PROFESS THEIR LOVE FOR ONE ANOTHER. THAT SHIT BAFFLES ME BUT YO, IF YOU AIN'T WHITE YOU DON'T KNOW ABOUT THIS SO BE VERY CAREFUL. WHEN DEALING WITH A WHITE GIRL DO NOT BURN THE BITCH A CD, EVEN IF ITS A BOOTLEG COPY OF AVATAR. SHE'LL TAKE IT THE WRONG WAY AND POKE A HOLE IN THE CONDOM...(JUST KIDDING, ONLY BLACK BITCHES DO THAT.)
4- AGGRESSION: THIS IS ABOUT WHITE GIRLS, NOT WHITE DUDES. I DON'T KNOW WHERE IN WHITEOSITY THIS CAME FROM BUT THE ROLES GOT REVERSED AND WHITE BITCHES REALLY DO NOT GIVE A FUCK! THEY LAY ALL THEIR CARDS ON THE TABLE. IF IM UPTOWN TALKIN TO SOME PUERTO RICAN BROAD AT A BAR AND I'M MACKIN IT, EVEN IF IN HER HEAD SHE'S THINKIN "I WANNA BLOW THIS GUY IN A STALL RIGHT NOW MY PUSSY IS WETTER THAN NEW ORLEANS GEORGE BUSH DOESN'T CARE ABOUT BLACK PEOPLE" SHE WILL ACT LIKE IM ANNOYING UNTIL I PRY THE BITCH OPEN WITH SOME PATRON AND HENNESSY...MEANWHILE IF I'M AT A BAR WITH A WHITE BITCH BEFORE MY SECOND HEINEKEN SHORTY IS SHOVING ME INTO THE BATHROOM AND CHOKING ME WITH HER THONG. WHITE DUDES CRY AND DO MIXTAPES, WHITE GIRLS WILL RAPE YOU. THEY WILL ALSO ASK YOU OUT, NO FUCKIN PROBLEM. ANY OTHER SPECIES OF BITCHES WILL NOT ASK YOU OUT. NOT NEVER! UNLESS YOU'RE A PROFESSIONAL ATHLETE OR HAVE MORE THAN TWO COMMAS IN YOUR CHECKING ACCOUNT BALANCE.
5- LOCATION: WHITE PEOPLE ARE THE ONLY PEOPLE WHO WILL TAKE A YOGA CLASS TOGETHER AS A "DATE". IM ASKIN A BITCH IF SHE WANTS TO GET SOMETHIN TO EAT AND ETHAN IS ASKING A BITCH IF SHE WANTS TO GO ROCK CLIMBING. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET TO KNOW THIS BITCH IF I GOT MY LEG BEHIND MY HEAD AND I'M TRYIN NOT TO FART WHILE I LAY ON THIS BAMBOO MAT IN SOME GAY ASS PANTS LISTENING TO FLUTES AND RIVERS? ARE WE GONNA HAVE A CONVERSATION WHILE I GOT A HARNESS SQUEEZIN MY NUTS AND I'M WEARIN WATER SHOES CLIMBIN UP THIS FAKE MOUNTAIN? FUCK OUTTA HERE.
AND THIS IS JUST THE TIP OF THE ICEBERG B. DON'T GET ME STARTED. STAPLE THIS TO PART ONE AND GET READY CUZ WHEN I GET MY PHD IN CAUCASIANS IMA START TEACHIN YALL AND THIS IS FINNA BE REQUIRED READING.
ALSO POSTED ON "LOVE IN THE DUMPS" SO SHOUTOUT TO THEM!!
