YO IF YOU A NEW YORKER©...LIKE YOU A NEW NIGGA, YOU JUST CAME FROM MILWAUKEE OR SOMEWHERE ELSE THAT IN THAT STATE IS CONSIDERED A "BIG CITY" SO YOU THINK YOU GOT THAT FLOW LIKE "PSSHHH I'VE SEEN BROWN PEOPLE BEFORE B, NYC IS LIGHT WORK" DON'T PLAY YOURSELF AND FOLLOW THESE SUBWAY RULES. CUZ YOU NOT READY TYLER.
IF YOU TAKE THE TRAIN JUST AROUND MANHATTAN EXCLUDING HARLEM AND WASHINGTON HEIGHTS THEN YOU DON'T EVEN NEED THIS. WHITE PEOPLE BOUGHT EVERYTHING OVER THERE AND GIULIANI TURNED THE REST OF THAT SHIT INTO CLUB MED FOR RACIST INFANTS EXCEPT IT SNOWS SOMETIMES AND IS IMPOSSIBLE TO (EASILY) FIND DRUGS. EVEN THE HOMELESS PEOPLE OUT THERE ARE EITHER ABOUT TO BE ARRESTED FOR BEING HOMELESS, OR SINGING YOU A BABYTIME LULLABY AND ARE HAPPY TO ANSWER ANY QUESTIONS YOU HAVE ABOUT THEIR FRIEND ABIGAIL (WHO IS NOT VISIBLE TO YOU). FOR EVERYTHING ELSE YOU GOTTA FOLLOW SOME RULES.
1) IN THE DAYTIME, WEAR HEADPHONES. NOT IPOD HEADPHONES, WEAR SOME RINKY DINK BLACK SHITS. WHITE HEADPHONES LOOK LIKE IPOD/IPHONE HEADPHONES AND NIGGAS WILL ASSASSINATE YOUR WHOLE EVERTHING FOR AN IPHONE THEN TAKE IT TO SOME LITTLE BULLSHIT CELLPHONE STORE AND "JAILBREAK IT" SO THEY CAN USE THE SHIT ON TMOBILE...THEY GOT A CONTRACT WITH TMOBILE FROM WHEN THEY HAD A SIDEKICK.
2)WHY HEADPHONES MERO? NIGGA THE MOST IMPORTANTEST RULE IS TO IGNORE NIGGAS ON THE SUBWAY. YOU NOT BUYIN WHAT THEY SELLIN. I KNOW WHITE PEOPLE LOVE GIVING TO CHARITY BUT THESE BUM NIGGAS AIN'T A CHARITY. THEY MAKE MORE MONEY GASSIN UP WHITE PEOPLE THAN YOU MAKE AT YOUR LITTLE BULLSHIT CUBICLE/FREELANCE WEB EDITING/DOG GROOMING JOB. KEEP YOUR MONEY AND TIP THE LITTLE CHINKINGTON AT THE THAI FOOD PLACE THAT SPITS IN YOUR POMEGRANATE MARGARITA CUZ HE SECRETLY HATES THIS COUNTRY, AND HAS DEVELOPED A HATRED FOR WHITE PEOPLE FROM HIS DAYS AS A LADYBOY NAMED "MEI LING" GIVING OLD WHITE NIGGAS "YUM YUM" FOR $0.06.
3)DO NOT BECOME INVOLVED IN OTHER NIGGAS ALTERCATIONS ON THE SUBWAY. I SEEN SOME DUDE YELLIN AT HIS GIRL ON THE TRAIN (NOT HITTING OR NOTHIN LIKE THAT, JUST STRAIGHT YELLIN) AND SOME NIGGA WAS LIKE "EXCUSE ME YOU SHOULDN'T BE TALKING TO HER LIKE THAT" (HE REALLY SAID THAT I'M DEAD ASS)...HOMIE THAT WAS BERATING HIS WIFEY JUST HAPPENED TO BE TRAVELING WITH A GROUP AND WHEN THE GOOD CAUCASAMARITAN UTTERED THE LAST SYLLABLE OF THAT SENTENCE NIGGAS SAID NOT ONE WORD BEFORE THEY PROCEEDED TO PUNCH MY SON IN THE FACIAL FROM 103RD TO 125TH. SO UNLESS YOU WANNA BE TRAPPED IN A STEEL CAGE MATCH WITH 5 NIGGAS THAT ENJOY BEATING FLAMES OUTTA OTHER HUMANS, MIND YA FUCKIN NECK. CUZ NIGGAS WILL BEAT YOUR WHOLE FACIAL IN TILL THE SHIT LOOK LIKE SALSA AND THEN IMA LAUGH AND DIP TOSTITOS IN YOUR WIG.
4)DO NOT START BEEF ON THE TRAIN, THIS IS THE SAME AS MINDING YOUR BUSINESS BUT IF YOU RUN INTO SOME BEEF TYPE SHIT ON THE TRAIN DON'T SCRAP WITH A NIGGA ON THE TRAIN UNLESS YOU DONT CARE ABOUT GETTIN ARESSTED, COPS WON'T SHOW UP WHEN TAYQUAN AND THE OTHER NIGGAS FROM HIS BLOCK ARE BEATING YOUR FACIAL INTO ANGUS BUT AS SOON AS YOU TAKE THAT FIRST SWING ON A NIGGA OFFICER PETROZULLI IS RIGHT THERE TO SLAP THE JEWELRY ON YOU. THAT'S THE TYPE OF FUCKED UP LUCK NIGGAS HAVE ON THE SUBWAY.
5)SPEAKIN OF FUCKED UP LUCK, WATCH YOUR FUCKIN STEP B! THE SUBWAY IS LIKE A FALL FACTORY MY NIGGA THEY MAKE ALL KIND OF FALLS, EMBARASSING FALLS, FATAL FALLS, "MY NIGGA YOU'RE A DICK" FALLS, LITTLE BABY FALLS YOU HOPE NOONE SAW BUT THEY DID AND THEY SNICKERING RIGHT NOW...AND ALL OTHER MANNER OF INJURIOUS SHIT. SO BASICALLY PUT YA FUCKIN PHONE DOWN CUZ YOU NOT POSED TO HAVE IT OUT ANYWAY AND WATCH WHERE YOU PUT YOUR FEET BEFORE YOU END UP LIKE THIS NIGGA
I GUESS THAT'S IT, IF THIS WAS THE 90'S THIS WOULD HAVE AT LEAST 10 MORE RULES LIKE "DON'T TAKE THE TRAIN TO OR THROUGH THE BRONX AFTER 10PM" OR "IF YOU'RE WHITE WEAR A SKI MASK AND SPEAK WITH A SPANISH ACCENT" BUT NYC IS A LITTLE SOFTER SINCE 9/11 CUZ NOW COPS CAN SODOMIZE YOU AND SEND YOU TO THE BING FOR FARTING AFTER YOU SNEEZE. NIGGAS AIN'T REALLY TAKIN CHANCES. BUT THERE'S STILL CRAZY NIGGAS ON THE TRAIN YOU GOTTA LOOK OUT FOR. CRAZY NIGGAS DON'T CARE ABOUT STUPID SHIT LIKE "LAWS" CUZ WHERE THEY LIVE THEIR ONLY CONCERN IS ARGUING WITH ABIGAIL ABOUT DOOMSDAY AND EATING GARBAGE.
CRAZY NIGGA CHECKLIST
A NIGGA IS CRAZY IF HE'S DOIN ANY COMBINATION OF THE FOLLOWING
-IS TALKING TO HISSELF LOUDLY
-SMELLS LIKE A DEAD NIGGA THAT SHIT HIS PANTS BEFORE HE DIED AND FELL OUT AN ELEPHANT PUSSY (IF THE ELEPHANT HAD BACTERIAL VAGINOSIS)
-IS HOLDING A KNIFE
-IS HOLDING A GUN
-IS JERKING ILLZES ON THE TRAIN
-IS EATING A RAT
IF THE NIGGA IS DOING/BEING ANY OF THESE THINGS DO NOT APPROACH MY SON CUZ HE'LL BITE YOU AND YOU'LL GET THE WORST DISEASE YOU EVER GOT IN YOUR WHOLE LIFE AND YOU WON'T GET TO FINISH THAT COOL DESIGN YOU WERE DOING IN PHOTOSHOP FOR YOUR FALL COLLECTION OF TSHIRTS...CUZ YOU'LL BE LAID UP IN THE SPITAL DRINKIN THROUGH YA VEINS.
