10 THINGS YOU MIGHT COULD DO WITH YOUR TAX MONEY

YO SOME OF YALL NIGGAS GOT YOUR OBAMABUCKS BACK ALREADY AND SPENT IT CUZ YOU IRRESPONSIBLE AND AN ASSHOLE. IMA GIVE YOU SOME SUGGESTIONS AS TO WHAT YOU SHOULD BE SPENDING YOUR MONEY ON TO MAXIMIZE YOUR HAPPINESS CUZ IF YOU GOT MONEY AND YOU SAD THEN LIFE SUCKS OD AND YOU PROLLY FEEL LIKE DYING. SO YOU SHOULD USE YOUR MONEY FOR HAPPINESS. YO ON A SIDE NOTE IMAGINE HOW HAPPY A CRACKHEAD IN THE EARLY STAGES OF CRILZ (WHEN THEY STILL GOT A JOB) MUST BE WHEN THEY GET THAT CHECK? I IMAGINE ITS KINDA SIMILAR TO A LITTLE POOR NIGGA GETTING AN XBOX WITH 50 GAMES AND HIS FIRST BLOWJOB FROM THIS BITCH.

IM SAYIN HERE'S WHAT I WOULD DO.*


1) HIRE A "BABYSITTER" TO FOLLOW YOU AROUND AND MAKE SURE YOU GET HOME ALRIGHT. PREFERABLY A HOOKER OFF CRAIGSLIST. (THEY ON THE LOW, THEY IN THERE THOUGH) THIS IS PART ONE AND IS ESSENTIAL TO SUGGESTIONS 2,3 & 4

2) RENT A CAR FOR THE EVENING AND MAKE SURE YOUR BABYSITTER HAS A LICENSE. THEN TAKE 3 XANAX AND DRINK 3 BEERS OF YOUR CHOICE AND 2 DOUBLE SHOTS OF HENNY. YOU GOTTA DO THIS SHIT WITHIN A SPAN OF LIKE 20 MINUTES TOPS OR ELSE YOU'LL TURN INTO A PUDDLE OF HUMAN AND FALL SLEEP ON THE COUCH AND PP ON YASELF. (IF YOU'RE A LIGHTWEIGHT ONLY EAT 1 XANAX AND DRINK ONE BEER.) GO TO CRAZY HORSE IMMEDIATELY. THROW 30% OF WHATEVER MONEY IS LEFT AT THE BARTENDER THEN BUY A MARTINI AND THROW UP ON THE BAR. LEAVE. TRY TO LEAVE WITH A BITCH, IF THIS IS NOT POSSIBLE DON'T WORRY YOU STILL HAVE THE CRAIGSLIST HO AS A LAST RESORT. THEN GO TO AN IHOP EAT FOOD TILL YOU CAN'T BREATHE AND FIGHT THE CRAIGSLIST HO 1D. SHE WILL LIKE YOU CUZ YOU'RE SCRAPPY THEN YOU CAN GO HOME AND GET TOP (DO NOT BEAT!).

3) GET A HOTEL ROOM AT THE WALDORF AND SPEND THE REST OF THE MONEY ON E PILLS AND YAY, INVITE EVERY LOOSE FEMALE YOU KNOW AND SOME NOT SO LOOSE ONES. TELL THEM TO BRING ALCOHOL. THEY'LL COME AND GET DRUNK AND UNLESS A MINE BLEW UP IN YOUR FACE IN IRAQ AND YOU SMELL LIKE WET BUM SHIT, YOU PROBABLY WILL GET BRAIN ON E (WHICH IS LIKE EATING FETTUCINE ALFREDO WITH GOD WHILE YOU TALK ABOUT SECRET SHIT ONLY GOD KNOWS.)...YOUR CRAIGSLIST HO GOTTA BE THERE THOUGH, SHE GOTTA PUT HER CREDIT CARD DOWN AND PULL YOU OUTTA THERE IF SHIT GOES CHARLIE SHEEN MODE.

4)SMOKE A BLUNT OF DUST AND GO ON A HELICOPTER TOUR OF NYC, THE CRAIGSLIST HO IS THERE WITH A GALLON OF MILK, STRICTLY TO MAKE SURE YOU DON'T RIP OFF YOUR LEG AND KILL THE PILOT WITH IT BY ACCIDENT BECAUSE YOU THINK HE'S FLYING YOU AROUND IN A FLAMING BEAR AND INTENDS TO CRASH INTO THE EMPIRE STATE BUILDING AND KILL YOU. (YOU'RE ON DUST B IT COULD HAPPEN).

5) PAY YOUR CREDIT CARD BILLS

6) HAVE A "TAX PARTY"* EVEN THOUGH 1,2,3 & 4 SOUND LIKE PARTY TIME IT'S NOT "TAX PARTY" TIME. TO HAVE A GOOD TAX PARTY EVERYBODY GOTTA COME THROUGH TO A VENUE (NOT THE COMMUNITY CENTER CUZ NIGGAS WILL GET OUTTA CONTROL AND SOMEBODY WILL GET SHOT OR PREGNANT.) AND TRICK OFF THEY TAX MONEY ON DRUGS, ALCOHOL, AND CRAIGSLIST HOS. YOU ALL DRESS UP LIKE A PRESIDENT OF YOUR CHOICE AND IF TWO PEOPLE COME DRESSED AS THE SAME NIGGA THEY GOTTA FIGHT TO THE DEATH, AND YOU CAN'T TELL PEOPLE WHO YOU COMING AS ON TWITTER OR NOTHING CUZ THE DEATH FIGHT IS THE MAIN EVENT. SO YOU CAN'T UPDATE YOUR FACEBOOK LIKE "Hector ElMayimbe Rodriguez is COMIN TO MY NIGGA MERO TAX PARTY DRESSED LIKE JAMES K POLK, IMA SEE YALL NIGGAS THERE HOLLA! BELVY ON DECK! ALREADY GOT MY CRAIGSLIST HO!"

7) EAT STEAKS AND LOBSTERS AND SHIT FOR BREAKFAST, LUNCH AND DINNER TILL YOUR MONEY RUNS OUT, ALSO, EAT A FANCY DESSERT AND DRINK WINE. TAKE MAD FLICKS AND MAKE FUN OF NIGGAS. LIKE "OH YA NIGGAS STILL STUCK ON THAT RAMEN? OH AIGHT YO IMA SEND YALL NIGGAS SOME CONTACTS SO YOU COULD SEE ME" (THAT'S THE CAPTION TO THE PICTURE OF YOU EATING A FILET MIGNON WITH YOUR HANDS.)

8) GO TO A GLASSES STORE AND PAY PEOPLE TO LET YOU SMACK THEY GLASSES OFF THEY FACE AND PUT IT ON YOUTUBE (BONUS IF THEY KIDS)

9) IF YOU GOT KIDS TAKE THE LITTLE GUYS TO THE CIRCUS IN A LIMO WITH KOOLAID IN THE MINI-FRIDGE, IF YOU DON'T HAVE KIDS, PAY SOME KIDS TO BE YOUR KIDS FOR THE DAY AND GO TO THE CIRCUS. (PROTIP: USE YOUR KIDS OR FAKE KIDS TO SNEAK BEERS AND WEED IN.).

10) DO WHAT DAVE CHAPPELLE IS DOIN RIGHT NOW (LISTENING TO BRAND NUBIAN IN A MANSION WITH THE LIGHTS OFF EATING MAD VICODIN AND CRYING IN A BED MADE OUT OF MONEY AND JOHN MAYER'S HAIR)




*I WOULDN'T DO ANY OF THIS SHIT I'M JUST SAYIN I'M PRETENDING RIGHT NOW. OK? I WOULDN'T DO ANY OF THIS SHIT AND NEITHER SHOULD YOU BECAUSE MOST OF IT IS IN VIOLATION OF STATE OR FEDERAL LAW...THAT'S A "DISCLAIMER" RIGHT? SO I COULD BASICALLY SAY WHATEVER I WANT LEGALLY AND NOT GET IN TROUBLE? WHERE MY LAWYERS AT?


**I INVENTED TAX PARTIES IF SOMEBODY ELSE DO IT AND MAKE MONEY IMA SHOW UP TO YOUR CRIB WITH A NIGGA WEARING A YARMULKE AND SERVE YOU WITH AN INJUNCTION OR WHATEVER THAT SHIT IS WHEN YOU SUE A NIGGA OD.

NOTE: IF AT ANY POINT COPS RUN UP AND TRY TO BLOW YOUR HIGH CALL THEM "BABYTIT FAGGOT GIRLY MOUTH NIGGAS" THEN RUN AWAY AND GIVE YOUR CRAIGSLIST HO ORDERS TO LET THE TOOL OFF.