TIME MANAGEMENT

OH WATTUP? HEY GUYS.

YO SOMETIMES IDK WTF TO WRITE ABOUT ON THIS SHIT SO I JUST SAY A PHRASE IN MY HEAD AND END UP WRITING SOME SHIT ABOUT THAT. THIS TIME ITS "TIME MANAGEMENT" EVEN THOUGH IDK SHIT ABOUT TIME MANAGEMENT AND THE ONLY REASON I CAN MANAGE MY TIME AT ALL IS CUZ I HAVE A WHITE WIFE WHO IS LIKE AN ALARM CLOCK/DAILY PLANNER WITH TITTIES. "DON'T GET SUPER DRUNK AND COME HOME AT 6AM CUZ WE HAVE BRUNCH WITH MY MOM TOMORROW" (YES BRUNCH SHE'S WHITE) THEN WE GO TO BRUNCH AND I EAT OD AMOUNT OF FOOD AND DRINK OD MIMOSAS ON SOME SOFT SHIT AND FALL ASLEEP ON THE RECLINER.

MOST OF THE TIME I STILL CAN'T DO SHIT PUNCTUALLY. THATS WHY I'LL HIT YALL NIGGAS WITH 6 UPDATES IN A ROW THEN DISSAPEAR FOR A MONTH.

THAT'S ALL I GOT TO SAY ABOUT TIME MANAGEMENT.

I READ SOME SHIT ABOUT ABORTION AND FOR LIKE .5 SECONDS I WONDERED IF I SHOULD SPEAK ON HEAVY SHIT LIKE ABORTION AND THEN I WAS LIKE "HELL NO NIGGA...THIS AINT BLOWINMINE.COM" NIGGAS COME ON HERE LIKE "HAHA YO MERO UPDATED THIS FINNA BE GOOD" THEN THEY COME ON HERE AND I GOT A PICTURE OF A LITTLE BABY CORPSE LOOKIN LIKE A CABBAGE PATCH KID COVERED IN RASPBERRY PRESERVES? I CANT DO THAT TO YALL IT TOOK HARD WORK AND LOTS OF DOWNTIME+WEED+BOREDOM TO GET TO 84 FOLLOWERS B.

FOR MY 100TH FOLLOWER IMA WRITE THE FUNNIEST SHIT EVER. I SWEAR B.

RUSSELL BRAND IS THE LEAST FUNNY NIGGA ON EARF. I'D RATHER LISTEN TO JEFF FOXWORTHY DO A 8 HOUR SET STRAPPED IN A CHAIR WITH A CHIHUAHUA BITIN MY TOENAILS OFF. MY SON RUS LOOKS LIKE THE TYPE OF NIGGA THAT MAKES SMARMY JOKES ALL THE TIME NO MATTER WHAT LIKE EVEN WHEN KATY PERRY IS GIVIN HIM TOP. "YEW LUHV WHEN I CAM ON YOUW FAYSHOW FEECHEZ INNIT?" *HAIR FLIP FOLLOWED BY SNICKER* LEMME TELL YOU SOMETHING B, IF I WAS GETTING TOP FROM KATY PERRY I WOULD NOT TRY TO BE FUNNY. I WOULD TRY TO GET A FLICK AND PUT IT ON TWITTER WITH A LINK TO MY BLOG. I WANNA SEE HIM AND JACK BLACK GET OD DRUNK ON NYQUIL AND MOUTHWASH AND FIGHT EACH OTHER TO DEATH IN A GIANT GOLDFISH BOWL B...AND ME AND ALL MY NIGGAS IS THERE SITTING ON THE RIM OF THE BOWL NO HOMO AND WE THROWIN BEER AND DUTCH GUTS ON THE NIGGAS AND THEN I GIVE THE THUMBS DOWN ON SOME GLADIATOR SHIT AND UNCLE MURDA COMES IN AND CHOPS THE WINNERS HEAD OFF WITH A NINJA SWORD WITH GRAFFITI ON IT. (BTW I GOOGLE IMAGED "UNCLE MURDA NINJA SWORD WITH GRAFFITI ON IT" AND GOT THIS)


YO ONE TIME I WAS WALKIN TO THE GAS STATION TO GET A DUTCH AND I WAS ALREADY KINDA HIGH SO IM JUST STROLLIN ALONG THINKIN ABOUT COOKIN UP SOME MARVELOUS SHIT THAT CONTAINS POPTARTS AND ICECREAM AND FUDGE PAUSE AND PEANUTS AND COOKIES AND SHIT LIKE THAT. SO ANYWAY I GO IN AND COP THE DUTCH AND WHATEVER OTHER MATERIALS AND I COME OUT AND TWO SHORTIES ARE PULLING UP AND SHORTY IN THE PASSENGER SIDE LOOKS RIGHT MY NIGGA LIKE REAL RIGHT LIKE THIS BITCH RIGHT... I LOOK AT THE DRIVER SIDE AND SHORTY HAIR IS ALL FLOWIN AND SHIT...SHOTGUN MOTIONS TO ME LIKE "COME OVER TO THE WHIP" SO I WALK OVER TO THE WHIP AND SHORTY STARTS TALKIN AND AS SOON AS SHE STARTS TALKIN THE DRIVER LEANS OVER AND SAYS "HI!"







AND THE BITCH LOOKS LIKE THIS!!!!!


I WAS LIKE "OHH!" DEAD ASS I SAID "OHH!" LIKE WHEN I SAW THE YOUTUBE VIDEO OF THAT NIGGA THAT DOVE OFF THE CLIFF INTO THE WATER, MISSED AND LITERALLY SMASHED HIS WIG OPEN. I COULDN'T SUPRESS IT MY NIGGA SHORTY FACE LOOKED LIKE A BAKED POTATO BRUSHED WITH OLIVE OIL B!! I HAD TO GRAB MY CALF AND BE LIKE "AHH I CAUGHT A CRAMP" JUST SO SHORTY WOULDNT BE LIKE "ASSHOLE!" AND RUN ME OVER. SO WHATEVER WHATEVER I BOUNCED OUTTA THERE FASTER THAN EMINEM OUT A BLACK ISREALITE MEETING. THEN I WENT HOME AND SLAYED MY NIGGA JMACK IN NBA LIVE WITH A LAST SECOND THREE.

SUBWAY SURVIVAL GUIDE FOR YALL NEW SOFT DUDES

YO IF YOU A NEW YORKER©...LIKE YOU A NEW NIGGA, YOU JUST CAME FROM MILWAUKEE OR SOMEWHERE ELSE THAT IN THAT STATE IS CONSIDERED A "BIG CITY" SO YOU THINK YOU GOT THAT FLOW LIKE "PSSHHH I'VE SEEN BROWN PEOPLE BEFORE B, NYC IS LIGHT WORK" DON'T PLAY YOURSELF AND FOLLOW THESE SUBWAY RULES. CUZ YOU NOT READY TYLER.


IF YOU TAKE THE TRAIN JUST AROUND MANHATTAN EXCLUDING HARLEM AND WASHINGTON HEIGHTS THEN YOU DON'T EVEN NEED THIS. WHITE PEOPLE BOUGHT EVERYTHING OVER THERE AND GIULIANI TURNED THE REST OF THAT SHIT INTO CLUB MED FOR RACIST INFANTS EXCEPT IT SNOWS SOMETIMES AND IS IMPOSSIBLE TO (EASILY) FIND DRUGS. EVEN THE HOMELESS PEOPLE OUT THERE ARE EITHER ABOUT TO BE ARRESTED FOR BEING HOMELESS, OR SINGING YOU A BABYTIME LULLABY AND ARE HAPPY TO ANSWER ANY QUESTIONS YOU HAVE ABOUT THEIR FRIEND ABIGAIL (WHO IS NOT VISIBLE TO YOU). FOR EVERYTHING ELSE YOU GOTTA FOLLOW SOME RULES.


1) IN THE DAYTIME, WEAR HEADPHONES. NOT IPOD HEADPHONES, WEAR SOME RINKY DINK BLACK SHITS. WHITE HEADPHONES LOOK LIKE IPOD/IPHONE HEADPHONES AND NIGGAS WILL ASSASSINATE YOUR WHOLE EVERTHING FOR AN IPHONE THEN TAKE IT TO SOME LITTLE BULLSHIT CELLPHONE STORE AND "JAILBREAK IT" SO THEY CAN USE THE SHIT ON TMOBILE...THEY GOT A CONTRACT WITH TMOBILE FROM WHEN THEY HAD A SIDEKICK.

2)WHY HEADPHONES MERO? NIGGA THE MOST IMPORTANTEST RULE IS TO IGNORE NIGGAS ON THE SUBWAY. YOU NOT BUYIN WHAT THEY SELLIN. I KNOW WHITE PEOPLE LOVE GIVING TO CHARITY BUT THESE BUM NIGGAS AIN'T A CHARITY. THEY MAKE MORE MONEY GASSIN UP WHITE PEOPLE THAN YOU MAKE AT YOUR LITTLE BULLSHIT CUBICLE/FREELANCE WEB EDITING/DOG GROOMING JOB. KEEP YOUR MONEY AND TIP THE LITTLE CHINKINGTON AT THE THAI FOOD PLACE THAT SPITS IN YOUR POMEGRANATE MARGARITA CUZ HE SECRETLY HATES THIS COUNTRY, AND HAS DEVELOPED A HATRED FOR WHITE PEOPLE FROM HIS DAYS AS A LADYBOY NAMED "MEI LING" GIVING OLD WHITE NIGGAS "YUM YUM" FOR $0.06.

3)DO NOT BECOME INVOLVED IN OTHER NIGGAS ALTERCATIONS ON THE SUBWAY. I SEEN SOME DUDE YELLIN AT HIS GIRL ON THE TRAIN (NOT HITTING OR NOTHIN LIKE THAT, JUST STRAIGHT YELLIN) AND SOME NIGGA WAS LIKE "EXCUSE ME YOU SHOULDN'T BE TALKING TO HER LIKE THAT" (HE REALLY SAID THAT I'M DEAD ASS)...HOMIE THAT WAS BERATING HIS WIFEY JUST HAPPENED TO BE TRAVELING WITH A GROUP AND WHEN THE GOOD CAUCASAMARITAN UTTERED THE LAST SYLLABLE OF THAT SENTENCE NIGGAS SAID NOT ONE WORD BEFORE THEY PROCEEDED TO PUNCH MY SON IN THE FACIAL FROM 103RD TO 125TH. SO UNLESS YOU WANNA BE TRAPPED IN A STEEL CAGE MATCH WITH 5 NIGGAS THAT ENJOY BEATING FLAMES OUTTA OTHER HUMANS, MIND YA FUCKIN NECK. CUZ NIGGAS WILL BEAT YOUR WHOLE FACIAL IN TILL THE SHIT LOOK LIKE SALSA AND THEN IMA LAUGH AND DIP TOSTITOS IN YOUR WIG.

4)DO NOT START BEEF ON THE TRAIN, THIS IS THE SAME AS MINDING YOUR BUSINESS BUT IF YOU RUN INTO SOME BEEF TYPE SHIT ON THE TRAIN DON'T SCRAP WITH A NIGGA ON THE TRAIN UNLESS YOU DONT CARE ABOUT GETTIN ARESSTED, COPS WON'T SHOW UP WHEN TAYQUAN AND THE OTHER NIGGAS FROM HIS BLOCK ARE BEATING YOUR FACIAL INTO ANGUS BUT AS SOON AS YOU TAKE THAT FIRST SWING ON A NIGGA OFFICER PETROZULLI IS RIGHT THERE TO SLAP THE JEWELRY ON YOU. THAT'S THE TYPE OF FUCKED UP LUCK NIGGAS HAVE ON THE SUBWAY.

5)SPEAKIN OF FUCKED UP LUCK, WATCH YOUR FUCKIN STEP B! THE SUBWAY IS LIKE A FALL FACTORY MY NIGGA THEY MAKE ALL KIND OF FALLS, EMBARASSING FALLS, FATAL FALLS, "MY NIGGA YOU'RE A DICK" FALLS, LITTLE BABY FALLS YOU HOPE NOONE SAW BUT THEY DID AND THEY SNICKERING RIGHT NOW...AND ALL OTHER MANNER OF INJURIOUS SHIT. SO BASICALLY PUT YA FUCKIN PHONE DOWN CUZ YOU NOT POSED TO HAVE IT OUT ANYWAY AND WATCH WHERE YOU PUT YOUR FEET BEFORE YOU END UP LIKE THIS NIGGA

I GUESS THAT'S IT, IF THIS WAS THE 90'S THIS WOULD HAVE AT LEAST 10 MORE RULES LIKE "DON'T TAKE THE TRAIN TO OR THROUGH THE BRONX AFTER 10PM" OR "IF YOU'RE WHITE WEAR A SKI MASK AND SPEAK WITH A SPANISH ACCENT" BUT NYC IS A LITTLE SOFTER SINCE 9/11 CUZ NOW COPS CAN SODOMIZE YOU AND SEND YOU TO THE BING FOR FARTING AFTER YOU SNEEZE. NIGGAS AIN'T REALLY TAKIN CHANCES. BUT THERE'S STILL CRAZY NIGGAS ON THE TRAIN YOU GOTTA LOOK OUT FOR. CRAZY NIGGAS DON'T CARE ABOUT STUPID SHIT LIKE "LAWS" CUZ WHERE THEY LIVE THEIR ONLY CONCERN IS ARGUING WITH ABIGAIL ABOUT DOOMSDAY AND EATING GARBAGE.

CRAZY NIGGA CHECKLIST

A NIGGA IS CRAZY IF HE'S DOIN ANY COMBINATION OF THE FOLLOWING

-IS TALKING TO HISSELF LOUDLY

-SMELLS LIKE A DEAD NIGGA THAT SHIT HIS PANTS BEFORE HE DIED AND FELL OUT AN ELEPHANT PUSSY (IF THE ELEPHANT HAD BACTERIAL VAGINOSIS)

-IS HOLDING A KNIFE

-IS HOLDING A GUN

-IS JERKING ILLZES ON THE TRAIN

-IS EATING A RAT

IF THE NIGGA IS DOING/BEING ANY OF THESE THINGS DO NOT APPROACH MY SON CUZ HE'LL BITE YOU AND YOU'LL GET THE WORST DISEASE YOU EVER GOT IN YOUR WHOLE LIFE AND YOU WON'T GET TO FINISH THAT COOL DESIGN YOU WERE DOING IN PHOTOSHOP FOR YOUR FALL COLLECTION OF TSHIRTS...CUZ YOU'LL BE LAID UP IN THE SPITAL DRINKIN THROUGH YA VEINS.

THROW YOUR EARS IN THE GARBAGE

REASONS THIS IS TURRBL/FUNNY.


1) SHORTY SOUNDS LIKE THE AUTO TUNE VERSION OF THE ROBOT FROM POWER RANGERS

2) SHORTY "SINGS" THE "LYRICS"..."YESTERDAY WAS THURSDAY, THURSDAY. TODAY IS FRIDAY, FRIDAY. WE SO EXCITED."

3) 1:11 "745 WE'RE GERMAN ON THE HIGHWAY"

4) THE VERSE FLO-RIDA'S EPILEPTIC COUSIN SPIT MADE NO TYPE OF SENSE (NIGGA SAID "IT'S A COOPA TICK TOCK TICK TOCK C'MON C'MON Y'ALL"...THE FUCK?)

5) "WHICH SEAT CAN AH TAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE"


THIS BITCH MAKES WAKA FLOCKA SOUND LIKE FUCKIN ROBERT FROST.

I'M BOUT TO BLOW DOWN AN OZ TO THIS.


AIGHT I'M OUTTA HERE YALL I GOTTA GET DOWN TO-THE-BUS...STOP...OH SHIT I SEE MAH FRRRAAAANNNNZZZZZ!!

I THOUGHT "MONEY CREATES TASTE" ?

YO WHO DRESSES NBA PLAYERS B? COLORBLIND 12 YEAR OLDS WITH ASPEREGERS? A RETARD IN A GROUP HOME WHO THINKS HE'S KANYE WEST?...I'M SAYIN AIN'T THESE NIGGAS RICH? THEY WENT FROM WEARING VELOUR ENYCE SUITS ALL THE TIME TO WEARING ACTUAL SUITS ALL THE TIME AND NOW THEY DRESS LIKE THEY'RE FUCKING AROUND ON THE SET OF "YO GABBA GABBA".






LOOK AT THIS NIGGA PAUL PIERCE OLD ASS. DO YOU EVEN REALLY WEAR GLASSES? WHY ARE NIGGAS WEARING GLASSES NOW WHEN THEY DON'T NEED GLASSES? IF I WAS A MILLIONAIRE THE ONLY THING I WOULD WANT ON MY FACE IS JESSICA ALBA'S PUSSY...OR SUNGLASSES WHEN IT'S SUNNY OUT OR IM EXTREMELY HIGH. THIS NIGGAS BLAZER LOOKS LIKE HE DUG UP A DEAD BARBERSHOP QUARTET GUY AND WAS LIKE "THIS IS HOT...I THINK THE HAT IS TOO MUCH THOUGH"...AND WHO THE FUCK BROUGHT BACK HUGE HEADPHONES? NIGGA YOU LOOK LIKE YOUR DJING A SLUMBER PARTY AT WILL.I.AM'S CRIB, BUT YOU GOT CLASS AFTER SO YOU GOT YOUR BOOKBAG. FUCKIN DICK.





YO WHAT IS THIS MY GUY? I FUCKS WITH YOU CUZ YOU'RE FROM QB BUT WHAT IS THIS? WHAT IS THIS OUTFIT B? ARE YOU GOING TO A JOB INTERVIEW AT A BASEBALL GAME WHERE YOU HAVE TO PLAY BASKETBALL AND RAP? YOU LOOK LIKE A MANAGER AT APPLEBEES THAT JUST GOT OFF WORK AND HALFWAY CHANGED. COME ON MY G THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE. BLAZERS THAT'S ALL COLORFUL LIKE THAT MAKE YOU LOOK LIKE YOU BOUT TO GO HOST A GAME SHOW IN 1978. NIGGAS TOOK A PICTURE OF YOU WEARING THIS B, NOW THE SHIT IS ON THE INTERNET FOREVER. IT'S BAD ENOUGH YOU MARRIED THE KARDASHIAN THAT LOOKS LIKE MY SON OLMEC FROM LEGENDS OF THE HIDDEN TEMPLE.






YO YOU FUCKIN SQUINTY FACE ASSHOLE, ARE YOU SERIOUS? NIGGA IS WEARING AN AFRICAN HAT AND ANAL BEADS? WITH TIGHT JEANS AND KNEE HIGH SOCKS? ARE YOU A FUCKIN STREET FIGHTER CHARACTER MY NIGGA? ARE YOU A CARTOON OR A HUMAN? LOOK AT THIS NIGGAS FACE HE'S FEELIN HIMSELF, HYPE AS FUCK TO BE IN SCOTLAND OR WHEREVER THE FUCK HE'S AT IN THAT "DO THE RIGHT THING" ASS OUTFIT. I'M NOT SURE WHAT THAT NIGGA TSHIRT SAY BUT IF ITS NOT "IM A FUCKIN ASSHOLE" THEN IT'S INCORRECT.





SHAQ, MY NIGGA. I KNOW YOU 8 FOOT 12 AND ITS HARD TO FIND CLOTHES BUT CAN'T YOU JUST POINT TO SHIT AND HIRE AN ITALIAN TAILOR TO DUPLICATE THE SHIT IN A "ODXL"?? THIS NIGGA IS WEARING A DOLPHIN FUR COAT AND REEBOKS. WITH A FUCKIN HOMELESS TODDLER PERUVIAN BUM HAT. DAMN NIGGA I REALLY HAVE NO WORDS FOR THIS OTHER THAN I HOPE YOU'RE FUCKIN AROUND CUZ THE ONLY WAY I'D COME OUTTA MY CRIB LOOKIN LIKE THIS IS IF I JUST ROBBED A BANK IN A BLACK HOODIE AND REALLY WANTED TO THROW THE COPS OFF. THAT WHITE DUDE IS LIKE "HEY SHAQ CAN YOU WRITE DOWN WHO YOUR STYLIST IS SO I CAN NEVER HIRE THEM TO DO ANYTHING?"




SMH THESE NIGGAS REALLY NEED TO STEP THEY GAME UP. CUZ I KNOW ALL THAT SHIT COST MAD BREAD BUT ITS BASICALLY LIKE ME BUYING THE FINEST EUROPEAN DOG SHIT MONEY CAN BUY AND RUBBIN IT ON MY NECK AS COLOGNE.

10 THINGS YOU MIGHT COULD DO WITH YOUR TAX MONEY

YO SOME OF YALL NIGGAS GOT YOUR OBAMABUCKS BACK ALREADY AND SPENT IT CUZ YOU IRRESPONSIBLE AND AN ASSHOLE. IMA GIVE YOU SOME SUGGESTIONS AS TO WHAT YOU SHOULD BE SPENDING YOUR MONEY ON TO MAXIMIZE YOUR HAPPINESS CUZ IF YOU GOT MONEY AND YOU SAD THEN LIFE SUCKS OD AND YOU PROLLY FEEL LIKE DYING. SO YOU SHOULD USE YOUR MONEY FOR HAPPINESS. YO ON A SIDE NOTE IMAGINE HOW HAPPY A CRACKHEAD IN THE EARLY STAGES OF CRILZ (WHEN THEY STILL GOT A JOB) MUST BE WHEN THEY GET THAT CHECK? I IMAGINE ITS KINDA SIMILAR TO A LITTLE POOR NIGGA GETTING AN XBOX WITH 50 GAMES AND HIS FIRST BLOWJOB FROM THIS BITCH.

IM SAYIN HERE'S WHAT I WOULD DO.*


1) HIRE A "BABYSITTER" TO FOLLOW YOU AROUND AND MAKE SURE YOU GET HOME ALRIGHT. PREFERABLY A HOOKER OFF CRAIGSLIST. (THEY ON THE LOW, THEY IN THERE THOUGH) THIS IS PART ONE AND IS ESSENTIAL TO SUGGESTIONS 2,3 & 4

2) RENT A CAR FOR THE EVENING AND MAKE SURE YOUR BABYSITTER HAS A LICENSE. THEN TAKE 3 XANAX AND DRINK 3 BEERS OF YOUR CHOICE AND 2 DOUBLE SHOTS OF HENNY. YOU GOTTA DO THIS SHIT WITHIN A SPAN OF LIKE 20 MINUTES TOPS OR ELSE YOU'LL TURN INTO A PUDDLE OF HUMAN AND FALL SLEEP ON THE COUCH AND PP ON YASELF. (IF YOU'RE A LIGHTWEIGHT ONLY EAT 1 XANAX AND DRINK ONE BEER.) GO TO CRAZY HORSE IMMEDIATELY. THROW 30% OF WHATEVER MONEY IS LEFT AT THE BARTENDER THEN BUY A MARTINI AND THROW UP ON THE BAR. LEAVE. TRY TO LEAVE WITH A BITCH, IF THIS IS NOT POSSIBLE DON'T WORRY YOU STILL HAVE THE CRAIGSLIST HO AS A LAST RESORT. THEN GO TO AN IHOP EAT FOOD TILL YOU CAN'T BREATHE AND FIGHT THE CRAIGSLIST HO 1D. SHE WILL LIKE YOU CUZ YOU'RE SCRAPPY THEN YOU CAN GO HOME AND GET TOP (DO NOT BEAT!).

3) GET A HOTEL ROOM AT THE WALDORF AND SPEND THE REST OF THE MONEY ON E PILLS AND YAY, INVITE EVERY LOOSE FEMALE YOU KNOW AND SOME NOT SO LOOSE ONES. TELL THEM TO BRING ALCOHOL. THEY'LL COME AND GET DRUNK AND UNLESS A MINE BLEW UP IN YOUR FACE IN IRAQ AND YOU SMELL LIKE WET BUM SHIT, YOU PROBABLY WILL GET BRAIN ON E (WHICH IS LIKE EATING FETTUCINE ALFREDO WITH GOD WHILE YOU TALK ABOUT SECRET SHIT ONLY GOD KNOWS.)...YOUR CRAIGSLIST HO GOTTA BE THERE THOUGH, SHE GOTTA PUT HER CREDIT CARD DOWN AND PULL YOU OUTTA THERE IF SHIT GOES CHARLIE SHEEN MODE.

4)SMOKE A BLUNT OF DUST AND GO ON A HELICOPTER TOUR OF NYC, THE CRAIGSLIST HO IS THERE WITH A GALLON OF MILK, STRICTLY TO MAKE SURE YOU DON'T RIP OFF YOUR LEG AND KILL THE PILOT WITH IT BY ACCIDENT BECAUSE YOU THINK HE'S FLYING YOU AROUND IN A FLAMING BEAR AND INTENDS TO CRASH INTO THE EMPIRE STATE BUILDING AND KILL YOU. (YOU'RE ON DUST B IT COULD HAPPEN).

5) PAY YOUR CREDIT CARD BILLS

6) HAVE A "TAX PARTY"* EVEN THOUGH 1,2,3 & 4 SOUND LIKE PARTY TIME IT'S NOT "TAX PARTY" TIME. TO HAVE A GOOD TAX PARTY EVERYBODY GOTTA COME THROUGH TO A VENUE (NOT THE COMMUNITY CENTER CUZ NIGGAS WILL GET OUTTA CONTROL AND SOMEBODY WILL GET SHOT OR PREGNANT.) AND TRICK OFF THEY TAX MONEY ON DRUGS, ALCOHOL, AND CRAIGSLIST HOS. YOU ALL DRESS UP LIKE A PRESIDENT OF YOUR CHOICE AND IF TWO PEOPLE COME DRESSED AS THE SAME NIGGA THEY GOTTA FIGHT TO THE DEATH, AND YOU CAN'T TELL PEOPLE WHO YOU COMING AS ON TWITTER OR NOTHING CUZ THE DEATH FIGHT IS THE MAIN EVENT. SO YOU CAN'T UPDATE YOUR FACEBOOK LIKE "Hector ElMayimbe Rodriguez is COMIN TO MY NIGGA MERO TAX PARTY DRESSED LIKE JAMES K POLK, IMA SEE YALL NIGGAS THERE HOLLA! BELVY ON DECK! ALREADY GOT MY CRAIGSLIST HO!"

7) EAT STEAKS AND LOBSTERS AND SHIT FOR BREAKFAST, LUNCH AND DINNER TILL YOUR MONEY RUNS OUT, ALSO, EAT A FANCY DESSERT AND DRINK WINE. TAKE MAD FLICKS AND MAKE FUN OF NIGGAS. LIKE "OH YA NIGGAS STILL STUCK ON THAT RAMEN? OH AIGHT YO IMA SEND YALL NIGGAS SOME CONTACTS SO YOU COULD SEE ME" (THAT'S THE CAPTION TO THE PICTURE OF YOU EATING A FILET MIGNON WITH YOUR HANDS.)

8) GO TO A GLASSES STORE AND PAY PEOPLE TO LET YOU SMACK THEY GLASSES OFF THEY FACE AND PUT IT ON YOUTUBE (BONUS IF THEY KIDS)

9) IF YOU GOT KIDS TAKE THE LITTLE GUYS TO THE CIRCUS IN A LIMO WITH KOOLAID IN THE MINI-FRIDGE, IF YOU DON'T HAVE KIDS, PAY SOME KIDS TO BE YOUR KIDS FOR THE DAY AND GO TO THE CIRCUS. (PROTIP: USE YOUR KIDS OR FAKE KIDS TO SNEAK BEERS AND WEED IN.).

10) DO WHAT DAVE CHAPPELLE IS DOIN RIGHT NOW (LISTENING TO BRAND NUBIAN IN A MANSION WITH THE LIGHTS OFF EATING MAD VICODIN AND CRYING IN A BED MADE OUT OF MONEY AND JOHN MAYER'S HAIR)




*I WOULDN'T DO ANY OF THIS SHIT I'M JUST SAYIN I'M PRETENDING RIGHT NOW. OK? I WOULDN'T DO ANY OF THIS SHIT AND NEITHER SHOULD YOU BECAUSE MOST OF IT IS IN VIOLATION OF STATE OR FEDERAL LAW...THAT'S A "DISCLAIMER" RIGHT? SO I COULD BASICALLY SAY WHATEVER I WANT LEGALLY AND NOT GET IN TROUBLE? WHERE MY LAWYERS AT?


**I INVENTED TAX PARTIES IF SOMEBODY ELSE DO IT AND MAKE MONEY IMA SHOW UP TO YOUR CRIB WITH A NIGGA WEARING A YARMULKE AND SERVE YOU WITH AN INJUNCTION OR WHATEVER THAT SHIT IS WHEN YOU SUE A NIGGA OD.

NOTE: IF AT ANY POINT COPS RUN UP AND TRY TO BLOW YOUR HIGH CALL THEM "BABYTIT FAGGOT GIRLY MOUTH NIGGAS" THEN RUN AWAY AND GIVE YOUR CRAIGSLIST HO ORDERS TO LET THE TOOL OFF.

YO! SON...IMAGINE HAVING NO DICK? (NO HOMO)

SON WHEN I MADE THAT REFERENCE TO BEATING YOUR OWN DICK OFF IN THAT LAST POST A SHUDDER OVERCAME MY BEING SLIME...YO I REALLY COULD NOT IMAGINE LIFE WITHOUT MY DICK. MY DICK IS ESSENTIAL TO MY HAPPINESS B. I KNOW THERE'S SOME NIGGAS OUT THERE THAT GET NO PUSSY AND THEY SWAGGERLESS NERDS THAT LISTEN TO THE BEATLES AND READ ANIME BOOKS...THAT'S A DIFFERENT KIND OF DICKLESS NIGGA, THAT'S FIGURATIVE. I'M TALKIN LITERALLY BEING DICKLESS MY NIGGA LIKE INSTEAD OF A DICK YOU GOT A LITTLE HOLE WHERE YOU PEEPEE FROM AND YOU DON'T GOT BALLS TO SCRATCH OR A PENIS SHAFT SITUATION TO PUT INSIDE A FEMALE MOUTH!! (I'M BUGGIN RIGHT NOW!) IMAGINE YOU WAS IN AN ILL ACCIDENT AND YOU LOST YOUR DICK MY G!! AND YOU WOKE UP OUT YOUR COMA AND YOU HAD YOUR MAMA AND YA DADDY AND YA HOMIES IN YA CORNER...YOU FEEL A LITTLE BETTER AND THE FIRST THING YOU SAY TO THE DOCTOR IS "YO CALL THIS SHORTY UP AND TELL HER TO COME THROUGH MY NIGGA" AND THE DOCTOR IS LIKE "FOR WHAT? TO SUCK YOUR DICK? MY NIGGA YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE A DICK NO MORE I'M SORRY SIR"...YO I WOULD LOSE IT B. I'LL PROBABLY MERK MYSELF OR HEATH LEDGER MYSELF AND GET OD FUCKED UP TILL I'M ON SOME MUERTO FLOW THROWING UP IN MY MOUTH OD AND CHOKIN AND SHIT. NIGGAS WOULD FIND ME WITH TEARS IN MY EYES AND MY FACEBOOK STATUS WOULD BE "YO I KILLED MYSELF CUZ I DONT GOT A DICK 5. TELL MY SON I LOVE HIM AND NEVER LOSE SIGHT OF YOUR DREAMS (OR YOUR DICK)."



P.S. I DON'T WANNA THINK ABOUT THIS SHIT TOO MUCH CUZ IT MAKES ME SAD LIKE THINKIN ABOUT WHEN MY GRANDMA DIED B...BUT WHAT ELSE WOULD BE WACK IF YOU HAD NO DICK? IS THERE ANY UPSIDE TO NOT HAVING A DICK?

I RESPECT THE LEGGINGS AS PANTS MOVEMENT

YO YOU KNOW WHAT? ALOT OF FADS FOR FEMALES ARE EITHER CORNY TO ME OR I DON'T GIVE A FUCK BUT THIS IS SOME SHIT I CAN GET BEHIND B. I KNOW FEMALES ARE STARTING TO HATE ON THIS SHIT AND IM GONNA TAKE A WILD GUESS AND SAY ITS THE BITCHES WITH FLATSCREEN PLASMA CHEEKS. I RESPECT THIS FASHION MOVEMENT CUZ IT PREVENTS FEMALES FROM LYING TO A NIGGA. IF YOU WEARING LEGGINGS AND A THONG OR NO DRAWZ I KNOW PRETTY MUCH WHAT YOUR CHEEKS IN ADDITION TO YOUR LEGS IS GONNA LOOK LIKE WHEN I POINT YOUR TOES AT THE CEILING FAN. I HOPE THIS STAYS HOT AND I WOULD LIKE ALL YOU GAY NIGGAS OUT THERE TO PLEASE REFER TO EVERY FEMALE YOU SEE IN LEGGINGS AS "TOTALLY FIERCE!" AND THEN FOLLOW IT UP WITH "WORK BITCH!" (SNAP YOUR FINGERS TOO)...CUZ STRAIGHT WOMEN RESPECT YOUR OPINION ON WHAT THEY SHOULD WEAR MORE THAN GALLIANO RESPECTS HITLER. I'M ONLY ASKIN YOU TO DO ME THIS SOLID CUZ MOST FEMALES WOULDN'T APPRECIATE BEING APPROACHED WITH FASHION CRITIQUES BY A LARGE DOMINICAN THAT'S MORE STONED THAN A MUSLIM HOOKER. (UNLESS THEY KNOW ME CUZ TO KNOW ME IS TO LOVE ME! LOLSMILEYFACE)

IM EVEN WILLING TO OVERLOOK THE UGGS B CUZ I UNDERSTAND THIS IS THE WHITE GIRL UNIFORM AND THE LEGGINGS CANNOT BE WITHOUT THE UGGS. IF YOU DO LEGGINGS WITH HEELS ON AND YOU DON'T LET A NIGGA BEAT THEY PROBABLY GONNA SIMULTANEOUSLY HATE YOU AND JERK ILLZ TO YOUR MENTAL IMAGE. THIS CAN BE DANGEROUS CUZ THIS LEADS TO BEATING OFF LIKE YOU'RE RUNNING TO KILL THE GUY WHO KILLED YOUR MOMS. SO YOU MIGHT BEAT YOUR DICK OFF AND HAVE NO DICK B.

OH SHIT...I JUST THOUGH OF SOMETHING CRAZY FUCKED UP SLIME!!