MERO MAILBAG 2/1 - "NIGGA AX ABOUT ME"

SO I WAS WRITIN SOME OTHER SHIT WHEN THIS BLINGED IN MY MAILBOX (NO HOMO?) AND IT'S GREAT SO I "SAVED DRAFT"ED THE OTHER SHIT AND STARTED FUCKIN WITH THIS POSTHASTE...

How do I hustle? I know you have secret Dominican secrets about how to make money. Should I sell coke? weed? pills? Invest in the underground underage alcohol trade? Human trafficking of Asian bitches? I know some rich, white, suit types that might be interested... Also, is being white going to affect how much I make/how often I get robbed? Basically, easiest/safest way to make dollars, in the most awesomely illegal way possible.


FIRST OF ALL THANK YOU FOR ACKNOWLEDGING THE HUSTLE FACTOR OF DOMINICANS AND OUR "SECRET SECRETS" OF HOW TO MAKE MONEY. WE BASICALLY INVENTED CRACK AND THANKS TO US YOU CAN GET COKE AT 4AM IN A SHITTY WILLIAMSBURG BAR. ALSO THANKS TO US YOU CAN GO UPTOWN AND GET WEED THAT WILL MAKE YOU FEEL LIKE YOU'RE ON MARS JUMPIN ON A TRAMPOLINE WITH YOUR DICK OUT AND WHILE YOU'RE ON THAT TRAMPOLINE YOU'RE ALSO DRINKING A NUTCRACKER/NEMO. OUR WOMEN ALSO HAVE THE FATTEST ASSES AND ARE MORE FUN THAN ANY OTHER RACIAL DEMOGRAPHICALS OF WOMENS.

BUT BACK TO YOUR QUESTION, HUSTLIN AINT EASY B, YOU GOTTA BE IN IT TO WIN IT MY NIGGA. IT DOESN'T MATTER IF YOUR SELLIN DOPE OR SELLING AVON MY PAL. YOU GOTTA THINK DOLLAR SIGNS. I'LL EXPLAIN HOW TO GET THE BALL ROLLING BUT THEN YOU GOTTA DO THE LEGWORK. YOU WANNA GET PAID VIA DRUGS OR BITCHES I'LL SHOW YOU HOW TO DO THIS SON*



HUSTLIN WEED:

FIRST OFF, DO YOU SMOKE WEED? YOU DO? SKIP TO #2. IF YOU DON'T THEN LISTEN UP...ARE THE PEOPLE THAT ARE GONNA BUY YOUR WEED, WEED NERDS? DO THEY KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT EVERY STRAIN AND BLAH BLAH BLAH AND "THE DIFFERENT HIGHS" AND ALL THAT OTHER GAY SHIT? YEAH? THEN SKIP TO #2 CUZ YOU GONNA END UP ASSASSINATING ONE OF THESE NIGGAS CUZ THEY ARE MORE ANNOYING THAN PUBIC LICE ON COKE TALKIN ABOUT THEY ASPIRATIONS WHILE THEY MAKE YOUR NUTS ITCH. IF THEY ARE REGULAR WORKING DUDES THAT JUST WANNA SMOKE WEED AND DRINK SOME BEERS AFTER WORK THEN YOU BOUT TO CAKE OFF. MAKE SURE THE WEED IS DECENT, SMELLS LIKE YOU CHEWING PINE NEEDLES, AND MAKE YOUR INITIAL BAGS REAL FAT. THEN YOU CAN START MIXIN WACK WEED WITH GOOD WEED ONCE YOU GOT THE CLIENTELE. EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE GIVE EM SOME RAW SHIT AND BE LIKE "THIS SHIT IS EXTRA RAW!" THEY GET MAD EXCITED CUZ THEY FEEL LIKE YOU'RE LOOKIN OUT FOR THEM AND YOU'RE FRIENDS. THEY WILL TELL THE REST OF THEY FRIENDS AT AUTOZONE/BESTBUY/STARBUCKS AND YOU'LL BE PAID UNTIL THEY BECOME WEED NERDS WHICH IS APPROXIMATELY 4 YEARS AFTER THEY COP THEY FIRST DUB.



HUSTLIN COKE & PILLS:

THE SHIT THAT SETS THIS APART FROM WEED IS THAT THIS SHIT IS A LITTLE MORE HARDCORE IN THE SENSE THAT YOU CAN DO TIME AND ALSO IN THE SENSE THAT COKE HEADS AND PILL HEADS WILL HAUNT YOUR LIFE LIKE A BABY YOU ABORTED AT 4 MONTHS. WHEREAS WEEDHEADS WILL JUST BE LIKE "BUMMER" IF YOU TELL THEM YOU DON'T HAVE WEED OR AREN'T AROUND (WHICH WILL NEVER HAPPEN CUZ YOU'RE A HUSTLA HOMIE!!) COKE FIENDS AND PILL FIENDS WILL CALL YOU BACK EVERY 20 MINUTES TO SEE IF JUAN LUIS BOLIVIA THE COKE FAIRY CAME TO YOUR CRIB WITH HALF A BRICK OF SOME PUREE OR IF DR. IMAGINATION WROTE YOU A SCRIPT FOR 5000 XANAX AND OXYS...NIGGAS WILL STALK YOUR WHOLE LIFE. SELLIN PILLS IS LIKE THIS 75% OF THE TIME, IF YOU'RE SELLIN TO THE RIGHT PEOPLE THEN YOU SHOULD BE AIGHT. SELLIN COKE ON THE OTHER HAND IS LIKE THIS 100% OF THE TIME. COKE CUSTIES ARE LIKE FUCKIN FOSTER CHILDREN, THEY ARE ANNOYING AND YOU HATE THEM BUT THEY MAKE YOU MONEY.




HUSTLIN PUSSINGTON:

THIS SHIT IS MORE COMPLICATED THAN SELLIN DRUGS BUT IS MUCH MORE EASY IN TERMS OF NUMBERS AND HEADACHES AND SHIT, YOU NEVER HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT GETTING CAUGHT WITH A PRESCRIPTION PAD OR 70 GRAMS BAGGED UP. THE PROBLEM IS THAT A A FEW BAGS OF WIZ WON'T GET SMART WITH YOU OR BE LIKE "I DONT WANNA FUCK THIS NIGGA HE BE WANTIN ME TO EAT HIS ASS & SHIT THAT NIGGA NASTY"...YOU GOTTA BE A PEOPLE PERSON. TO SELL COKE YOU HAVE TO BE AN ANTI PEOPLE PERSON THATS NOT APPROACHABLE SO NIGGAS DONT GET ANY IDEAS ABOUT ROBBIN YOU (MORE ON THIS LATER) BUT TO SELL PUSSY YOU GOTTA BE MAD SUAVE NIGGA LIKE THESE DUDES. YOU GOTTA CONVINCE A FEMALE NOT ONLY TO FUCK YOU (YOU GOTTA SMASH FIRST) BUT THEN CONVINCE HER THAT FUCKIN DUDES YOU SELECT IN EXCHANGE FOR MONEY SHE GETS NONE OF IS THE GREATEST IDEA SINCE PUTTING A ROBE ON BACKWARDS AND CALLIN IT A SNUGGIE. ONCE YOU ACHIEVE THIS YOU GOTTA MAKE SURE SHE DOESN'T GET RAPED/MERKED OR ROBBED. SO BASICALLY ITS LIKE FOLLOWING YOUR SISTER ON A DATE IF YOUR SISTER IS A BAD DRUNK AND A SLUT.


HUSTLIN UNDERAGE ALCOHOL:

THIS SOUNDS EASY BUT IT AIN'T EVEN WORTH IT CUZ BUMS BUY ALCOHOL FOR KIDS FOR A CIGGARETTE AND 5 CENTS. IF YOU WANNA SELL NUTCRACKERS OR NEMOS OR SOME SHIT DON'T EVEN ATTEMPT THE SHIT UNLESS YOU LIVE IN A BUILDING WITH AT LEAST 50 UNITS OR OWN A BUSINESS YOU CAN HUSTLE THE SHIT OUT OF. THIS SHIT IS A PAIN CUZ YOUNG NIGGAS CAN'T KEEP THEY MOUTH SHUT AND YOU'LL PROBABLY GET SHUT DOWN BY PO WEEKLY UNTIL YOU ACTUALLY HAVE TO GO THROUGH SOME ACTUAL COURT SHIT INSTEAD OF JUST GETTIN TICKETS. ON THE PLUS SIDE YOU MIGHT FUCK SOME 16 YEAR OLD BITCHES...WHICH IS WRONG AND YOU SHOULDN'T WANT TO DO THAT ANYWAY CUZ ITS BAD.



GETTIN ROBBED:

UNLESS YOU LOOK LIKE KIMBO AND WALK AROUND WITH AN AK AROUND YOUR NECK HOOD NIGGAS WILL TRY YOU. THERE'S A VERY SIMPLE SOLUTION TO THIS THOUGH. DON'T SELL DRUGS IN THE HOOD! IF YOU AIN'T BUILT FOR THAT SHIT THEN DON'T STEP INTO THE REALM OF NIGGAS RUNNIN IN YOUR CRIB 15 DEEP AND SHOOTING YOUR FACE OFF FOR 5 GRAMS OF COKE AND 300 BUCKS. THAT'S NOT WHAT YOU WANNA DO. YOU WANNA SELL DRUGS TO WHITE PEOPLE IN THE SUBURBS OR VERY HIGH CLASS AREAS. DON'T THREATEN THEM BUT INDIRECTLY MAKE THEM AWARE THAT YOU WILL GO UNCLE MURDA ON THEY TWILIGHT SAGA BABY CHEST NIPPLE ASS IF THEY TRY SOME FUNNY SHIT. YOU SHOW UP TO MAKE A DROP, LOOK FLUSTERED. WHITE PEOPLE ARE OD INQUISITIVE, THEY'LL ASK IF YOU'RE OK. YOU SAY "YEAH IM GOOD, SOME NIGGA TRIED TO ROB ME THOUGH SO I HAD TO PUT A HOLE IN HIS FUCKIN CRANIAL" THEN SMILE. THEY'LL BE SHITTING THAI FOOD IN THEIR AMERICAN APPAREL BRIEFS B...AND NOT CUZ YOU CUT YOUR COKE WITH AJAX...(ITS CUZ THEY'RE SCARED NOW.)



BEING WHITE:

IS GOOD IF YOU SELLIN TO WHITE PEOPLE, CUZ IT MAKES YOU RELATABLE. YOU MIGHT EVEN GET INVITED TO PARTIES AND MEET BITCHES & SHIT. DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT SELLIN DRUGS ON A 3 DIGIT NUMBER STREET OR ANY PLACE WHERE BROWN PEOPLE OUTNUMBER WHITE PEOPLE. YOU'LL GET ROBBED DAILY AND BEAT UP. (NOT KILLED JUST BEAT THE FUCK UP EVERY DAY).


*DISCLAIMER, I NEVER EVER NOT ONCE EVER SOLD A DRUG TO ANYONE NEVER IN MY WHOLE LIFE I SWEAR I'M DEAD ASS, NOR HAVE I ENGAGED IN ANY TYPE OF SOLICITING NIGGAS TO FUCK BITCHES TO GET ME MONEY TO BUY SHIT AT BLOOMINGDALES OR OVERPRICED BOTTLES AT CLUBS. I NEVER DID ANY OF THAT SHIT EVER SO THIS IS ALL BASICALLY ME MAKING SHIT UP OK?...OK?