MERO MAILBAG 2/1 - "NIGGA AX ABOUT ME"

SO I WAS WRITIN SOME OTHER SHIT WHEN THIS BLINGED IN MY MAILBOX (NO HOMO?) AND IT'S GREAT SO I "SAVED DRAFT"ED THE OTHER SHIT AND STARTED FUCKIN WITH THIS POSTHASTE...

How do I hustle? I know you have secret Dominican secrets about how to make money. Should I sell coke? weed? pills? Invest in the underground underage alcohol trade? Human trafficking of Asian bitches? I know some rich, white, suit types that might be interested... Also, is being white going to affect how much I make/how often I get robbed? Basically, easiest/safest way to make dollars, in the most awesomely illegal way possible.


FIRST OF ALL THANK YOU FOR ACKNOWLEDGING THE HUSTLE FACTOR OF DOMINICANS AND OUR "SECRET SECRETS" OF HOW TO MAKE MONEY. WE BASICALLY INVENTED CRACK AND THANKS TO US YOU CAN GET COKE AT 4AM IN A SHITTY WILLIAMSBURG BAR. ALSO THANKS TO US YOU CAN GO UPTOWN AND GET WEED THAT WILL MAKE YOU FEEL LIKE YOU'RE ON MARS JUMPIN ON A TRAMPOLINE WITH YOUR DICK OUT AND WHILE YOU'RE ON THAT TRAMPOLINE YOU'RE ALSO DRINKING A NUTCRACKER/NEMO. OUR WOMEN ALSO HAVE THE FATTEST ASSES AND ARE MORE FUN THAN ANY OTHER RACIAL DEMOGRAPHICALS OF WOMENS.

BUT BACK TO YOUR QUESTION, HUSTLIN AINT EASY B, YOU GOTTA BE IN IT TO WIN IT MY NIGGA. IT DOESN'T MATTER IF YOUR SELLIN DOPE OR SELLING AVON MY PAL. YOU GOTTA THINK DOLLAR SIGNS. I'LL EXPLAIN HOW TO GET THE BALL ROLLING BUT THEN YOU GOTTA DO THE LEGWORK. YOU WANNA GET PAID VIA DRUGS OR BITCHES I'LL SHOW YOU HOW TO DO THIS SON*



HUSTLIN WEED:

FIRST OFF, DO YOU SMOKE WEED? YOU DO? SKIP TO #2. IF YOU DON'T THEN LISTEN UP...ARE THE PEOPLE THAT ARE GONNA BUY YOUR WEED, WEED NERDS? DO THEY KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT EVERY STRAIN AND BLAH BLAH BLAH AND "THE DIFFERENT HIGHS" AND ALL THAT OTHER GAY SHIT? YEAH? THEN SKIP TO #2 CUZ YOU GONNA END UP ASSASSINATING ONE OF THESE NIGGAS CUZ THEY ARE MORE ANNOYING THAN PUBIC LICE ON COKE TALKIN ABOUT THEY ASPIRATIONS WHILE THEY MAKE YOUR NUTS ITCH. IF THEY ARE REGULAR WORKING DUDES THAT JUST WANNA SMOKE WEED AND DRINK SOME BEERS AFTER WORK THEN YOU BOUT TO CAKE OFF. MAKE SURE THE WEED IS DECENT, SMELLS LIKE YOU CHEWING PINE NEEDLES, AND MAKE YOUR INITIAL BAGS REAL FAT. THEN YOU CAN START MIXIN WACK WEED WITH GOOD WEED ONCE YOU GOT THE CLIENTELE. EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE GIVE EM SOME RAW SHIT AND BE LIKE "THIS SHIT IS EXTRA RAW!" THEY GET MAD EXCITED CUZ THEY FEEL LIKE YOU'RE LOOKIN OUT FOR THEM AND YOU'RE FRIENDS. THEY WILL TELL THE REST OF THEY FRIENDS AT AUTOZONE/BESTBUY/STARBUCKS AND YOU'LL BE PAID UNTIL THEY BECOME WEED NERDS WHICH IS APPROXIMATELY 4 YEARS AFTER THEY COP THEY FIRST DUB.



HUSTLIN COKE & PILLS:

THE SHIT THAT SETS THIS APART FROM WEED IS THAT THIS SHIT IS A LITTLE MORE HARDCORE IN THE SENSE THAT YOU CAN DO TIME AND ALSO IN THE SENSE THAT COKE HEADS AND PILL HEADS WILL HAUNT YOUR LIFE LIKE A BABY YOU ABORTED AT 4 MONTHS. WHEREAS WEEDHEADS WILL JUST BE LIKE "BUMMER" IF YOU TELL THEM YOU DON'T HAVE WEED OR AREN'T AROUND (WHICH WILL NEVER HAPPEN CUZ YOU'RE A HUSTLA HOMIE!!) COKE FIENDS AND PILL FIENDS WILL CALL YOU BACK EVERY 20 MINUTES TO SEE IF JUAN LUIS BOLIVIA THE COKE FAIRY CAME TO YOUR CRIB WITH HALF A BRICK OF SOME PUREE OR IF DR. IMAGINATION WROTE YOU A SCRIPT FOR 5000 XANAX AND OXYS...NIGGAS WILL STALK YOUR WHOLE LIFE. SELLIN PILLS IS LIKE THIS 75% OF THE TIME, IF YOU'RE SELLIN TO THE RIGHT PEOPLE THEN YOU SHOULD BE AIGHT. SELLIN COKE ON THE OTHER HAND IS LIKE THIS 100% OF THE TIME. COKE CUSTIES ARE LIKE FUCKIN FOSTER CHILDREN, THEY ARE ANNOYING AND YOU HATE THEM BUT THEY MAKE YOU MONEY.




HUSTLIN PUSSINGTON:

THIS SHIT IS MORE COMPLICATED THAN SELLIN DRUGS BUT IS MUCH MORE EASY IN TERMS OF NUMBERS AND HEADACHES AND SHIT, YOU NEVER HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT GETTING CAUGHT WITH A PRESCRIPTION PAD OR 70 GRAMS BAGGED UP. THE PROBLEM IS THAT A A FEW BAGS OF WIZ WON'T GET SMART WITH YOU OR BE LIKE "I DONT WANNA FUCK THIS NIGGA HE BE WANTIN ME TO EAT HIS ASS & SHIT THAT NIGGA NASTY"...YOU GOTTA BE A PEOPLE PERSON. TO SELL COKE YOU HAVE TO BE AN ANTI PEOPLE PERSON THATS NOT APPROACHABLE SO NIGGAS DONT GET ANY IDEAS ABOUT ROBBIN YOU (MORE ON THIS LATER) BUT TO SELL PUSSY YOU GOTTA BE MAD SUAVE NIGGA LIKE THESE DUDES. YOU GOTTA CONVINCE A FEMALE NOT ONLY TO FUCK YOU (YOU GOTTA SMASH FIRST) BUT THEN CONVINCE HER THAT FUCKIN DUDES YOU SELECT IN EXCHANGE FOR MONEY SHE GETS NONE OF IS THE GREATEST IDEA SINCE PUTTING A ROBE ON BACKWARDS AND CALLIN IT A SNUGGIE. ONCE YOU ACHIEVE THIS YOU GOTTA MAKE SURE SHE DOESN'T GET RAPED/MERKED OR ROBBED. SO BASICALLY ITS LIKE FOLLOWING YOUR SISTER ON A DATE IF YOUR SISTER IS A BAD DRUNK AND A SLUT.


HUSTLIN UNDERAGE ALCOHOL:

THIS SOUNDS EASY BUT IT AIN'T EVEN WORTH IT CUZ BUMS BUY ALCOHOL FOR KIDS FOR A CIGGARETTE AND 5 CENTS. IF YOU WANNA SELL NUTCRACKERS OR NEMOS OR SOME SHIT DON'T EVEN ATTEMPT THE SHIT UNLESS YOU LIVE IN A BUILDING WITH AT LEAST 50 UNITS OR OWN A BUSINESS YOU CAN HUSTLE THE SHIT OUT OF. THIS SHIT IS A PAIN CUZ YOUNG NIGGAS CAN'T KEEP THEY MOUTH SHUT AND YOU'LL PROBABLY GET SHUT DOWN BY PO WEEKLY UNTIL YOU ACTUALLY HAVE TO GO THROUGH SOME ACTUAL COURT SHIT INSTEAD OF JUST GETTIN TICKETS. ON THE PLUS SIDE YOU MIGHT FUCK SOME 16 YEAR OLD BITCHES...WHICH IS WRONG AND YOU SHOULDN'T WANT TO DO THAT ANYWAY CUZ ITS BAD.



GETTIN ROBBED:

UNLESS YOU LOOK LIKE KIMBO AND WALK AROUND WITH AN AK AROUND YOUR NECK HOOD NIGGAS WILL TRY YOU. THERE'S A VERY SIMPLE SOLUTION TO THIS THOUGH. DON'T SELL DRUGS IN THE HOOD! IF YOU AIN'T BUILT FOR THAT SHIT THEN DON'T STEP INTO THE REALM OF NIGGAS RUNNIN IN YOUR CRIB 15 DEEP AND SHOOTING YOUR FACE OFF FOR 5 GRAMS OF COKE AND 300 BUCKS. THAT'S NOT WHAT YOU WANNA DO. YOU WANNA SELL DRUGS TO WHITE PEOPLE IN THE SUBURBS OR VERY HIGH CLASS AREAS. DON'T THREATEN THEM BUT INDIRECTLY MAKE THEM AWARE THAT YOU WILL GO UNCLE MURDA ON THEY TWILIGHT SAGA BABY CHEST NIPPLE ASS IF THEY TRY SOME FUNNY SHIT. YOU SHOW UP TO MAKE A DROP, LOOK FLUSTERED. WHITE PEOPLE ARE OD INQUISITIVE, THEY'LL ASK IF YOU'RE OK. YOU SAY "YEAH IM GOOD, SOME NIGGA TRIED TO ROB ME THOUGH SO I HAD TO PUT A HOLE IN HIS FUCKIN CRANIAL" THEN SMILE. THEY'LL BE SHITTING THAI FOOD IN THEIR AMERICAN APPAREL BRIEFS B...AND NOT CUZ YOU CUT YOUR COKE WITH AJAX...(ITS CUZ THEY'RE SCARED NOW.)



BEING WHITE:

IS GOOD IF YOU SELLIN TO WHITE PEOPLE, CUZ IT MAKES YOU RELATABLE. YOU MIGHT EVEN GET INVITED TO PARTIES AND MEET BITCHES & SHIT. DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT SELLIN DRUGS ON A 3 DIGIT NUMBER STREET OR ANY PLACE WHERE BROWN PEOPLE OUTNUMBER WHITE PEOPLE. YOU'LL GET ROBBED DAILY AND BEAT UP. (NOT KILLED JUST BEAT THE FUCK UP EVERY DAY).


*DISCLAIMER, I NEVER EVER NOT ONCE EVER SOLD A DRUG TO ANYONE NEVER IN MY WHOLE LIFE I SWEAR I'M DEAD ASS, NOR HAVE I ENGAGED IN ANY TYPE OF SOLICITING NIGGAS TO FUCK BITCHES TO GET ME MONEY TO BUY SHIT AT BLOOMINGDALES OR OVERPRICED BOTTLES AT CLUBS. I NEVER DID ANY OF THAT SHIT EVER SO THIS IS ALL BASICALLY ME MAKING SHIT UP OK?...OK?

re: MERO MAILBAG 1/11 - "I WANNA GO TO THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY NO HOMO"

THIS WAS IN THE COMMENTS...

Anonymous said...

yo mero, what about advice for a white chick that wants to date a black dude?? and cuz i'm mad corny, how can i impress his family without looking like i asked for advice on this very subject...hmmm...damn... anyway, help please!

January 13, 2011 9:38 AM

YO THIS IS EXTREMELY BASIC MA, THIS IS LIKE YOU ASKING ME ADVICE ON HOW TO BOIL WATER.

YOU WALK UP TO THE DUDE, SAY HELLO, AND YOU'RE IN. BLACK DUDES LOVE WHITE GIRLS. YOU COULD EVEN BE A LITTLE FAT, IT DON'T EVEN MATTER.

NOW AS FAR AS IMPRESSING HIS FAMILY, IF THEY'RE GHETTO, THEY'LL BE IMPRESSED THAT YOU'RE WHITE AND JAMAL BAGGED A WHITE BITCH. IF THEY'RE EDUCATED THEN THEY'RE PROBABLY WHITER THAN YOU ARE SO JUST RELAX. DON'T GO IN THERE QUOTING MALCOLM X AND SHIT. THEY'LL SEE RIGHT THROUGH THAT, AND DON'T SHOW UP WITH A BUCKET OF CHICKEN. THAT'S CONDESCENDING...IM SAYIN, THEY'LL EAT IT AND LOVE IT. (WHO DOESN'T LOVE FRIED CHICKEN?) BUT THEN THEY'LL BE LIKE "WHAT A RACIST BITCH" AS SOON AS YOU LEAVE.

SO WHAT YOU DO IS, FIND OUT IF THEY DRINK, AND BRING THEM A BOTTLE ACCORDING TO THEIR GHETTONESS LEVEL.

VERY GHETTO: A BOTTLE OF HENNESSY

KINDA GHETTO: A BOTTLE OF COURVOISIER

NOT REALLY GHETTO: A BOTTLE OF YELLOWTAIL OR SOME SHIT

YOU'RE FUCKIN BRYANT GUMBEL: A 2006 BOTTLE OF CROGNOLO SETTE PONTI AND A FRUIT BASKET

IF THEY DON'T DRINK THEN JUST SHOW UP AND BE YOURSELF. THEY MIGHT SCOFF AT YOUR WHITENESS BUT ITS BETTER THAN TRYIN TO FIT IN AND ENDIN UP LOOKIN LIKE THIS.


NOTE: UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES SHOULD YOU GET SHITFACED, CUZ YOU'LL END UP SAYIN "YALL" "NIGGA" OR "CHILL B" CUZ THEY ARE AND YOU'LL GET LAUGHED INTO OUTER SPACE OR BEAT UP.

"WOW MY NIGGA YOU'RE A DICK." PT. 2

YO YOU KNOW WHAT? I FUCKS WITH GUCCI MANE, I'M FROM NEW YORK AND I'M A RAP SNOB FOR THE MOST PART BUT I FUCKS WITH THIS GUY CUZ HE'S ENTERTAINING. I DON'T EXPECT THE NIGGA TO SOUND LIKE FUCKIN NAS WEARING A KUFI READING FROM A VERSION OF THE KORAN EDITED BY MLK AND CORNELL WEST. I EXPECT HIM TO SAY "I STAY HIGH LIKE GIRAFFE PUSSY" AND MAKE ME LAUGH. THAT'S JUST A PREFACE TO THIS SHIT FOR THE NIGGAS WHO GONNA SAY "YO HOW YOU COSIGN THIS NIGGA MAN WAAHH WAAHHH YOU GOTTA LISTEN TO CHARLES HAMILTON DUDE!!"


NO THANKS. I'LL PASS ON LUPE FIASSCO & A BLU CALLED QUEXILE TOO. I HAVE SHIT LIKE THIS IF I WANNA LISTEN TO PG13 RIGHTEOUS RAP THAT'S NOT FUCKIN GARBAGE.

MOVING AHEAD...GUCCI MANE GOT A FUCKIN TATTOO OF AN ICE CREAM CONE ON HIS FUCKIN FACIAL MY NIGGA!!! WOW!! AN ELECTRIC (?) ICE CREAM CONE!! MY SON JUST GOT NOMINATED FOR 18 WTFUCKY AWARDS THIS YEAR FOR THIS ONE...IM SAYIN THIS WOULDNT BE AS HORRIBLE IF IT WAS ON HIS ARM OR EVEN HIS NECK. FACIAL TATTOOS ALWAYS DESERVE A FOREHEAD SLAP CUZ I CAN'T THINK OF ANYTHING WORTH TATTOOING ON YOUR FACE B. EYEBROWS MAYBE? NAH, CHILL...THIS NIGGA JUST BLAKE GRIFFINED EVERYBODY ELSE'S FACE TATTOOS, EVEN GAME'S BUTTERFLY. HE IS CURRENTLY TIED WITH THIS GUY FOR ASSHOLE OF THE YEAR IN THE TATTOO CATEGORY.

THIS IS REAL BAD B, THE NIGGA GOT A TRIPLE SCOOP ICECREAM CONE WITH "BRRR" WRITTEN ON THE CONE. THIS SHIT ACTUALLY MADE ME SAD CUZ IT'S LIKE DAMN NIGGA YOU'RE AN ASSHOLE AND I KNOW EVERY REDNECK IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERIKKKA TOOK A BREAK FROM SAYING "IMPEACH OBAMA" TO SAY "LOOK AT THIS DUMB NIGGER". HOMIE ALSO HAS AN EA SPORTS LOGO TATTED ON HIS THROAT? WTF ARE YOU NIGGA? A HUMAN NASCAR WHIP? THAT'S IRONIC CONSIDERING HOW MUCH RACIST WHITE PEOPLE MUST HATE YOUR FILTHY RICH GUTS. WHY DO YOU HAVE RANDOM GOOGLE IMAGE SEARCHES TATTOOED ALL OVER YOUR WHOLE GRILLIOT? I GUESS I SHOULDN'T BE SURPRISED SINCE THIS NIGGA HAS THE MOST RANDOM JEWELRY IN HIPHOP.

ANYWAY, I WOULDN'T DO SOME SHIT LIKE THIS CUZ MY KIDS WOULDN'T RESPECT ME. IMAGINE ME TELLIN MY SON "SIT THE FUCK DOWN AND FINISH YOUR HOMEWORK" WITH AN ICECREAM CONE TATTED ON MY FACIAL. WHAT RESPECT YOU GONNA GET? "FUCK OUTTA HERE DAD YOU GOT A TRIPLE SCOOP FRUITY PATOOTIE ENGRAVED ON YOUR FUCKIN FACE, IM GONNA GO OUTSIDE AND DRINK COLORFUL BEERS TIL I EARL." THAT'S HOW THAT WOULD GO DOWN. YOU WOULD HAVE TO BEAT YOUR KIDS 79% MORE OFTEN (I DID THE RESEARCH) JUST TO KEEP THAT FEAR LEVEL ON GREEN.

THE ONLY UPSIDE TO THIS IS THAT HE'S PROBABLY GONNA BE A TRENDING TOPIC ON TWITTER FOR A DAY OR TWO, BUT SO WAS THE BITCH WHO'S HAIR CAUGHT ON FIRE AT THE P DIDDY USTREAM PARTY WHATEVER THE FUCK EVENT. YOU CAN BUY NEW HAIR, YOU CAN'T BUY A NEW FACE...I MEAN YOU CAN BUT WHO THE FUCK WOULD WANNA DO THAT?

MERO MAILBAG 1/11 - "I WANNA GO TO THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY NO HOMO"

HOW YALL FUCKNIGGAS GONNA SAY "MERO WHATS GOOD? YOU AINT UPDATING!" AND THEN NOT BE SENDIN ME QUERIES VIA EMAIL B? WHATS REALLY GREAT? HIT ME UP!! AXEDAKID@YAHOO.COM #POW @THEKIDMERO #BONG ANYWAY TODAY'S MAILINGTON IS FROM MY DUDE.....I WAS ABOUT TO BLOW UP THE NIGGAS GOV'T AND THEN I REALIZED IT SO IM NOT FINNA DO IT.


I'm a white guy who digs on some black and hispanic bitties, they just seem to have it all together (well some anyway). What the fuck does a white man gotta do to get the attention of these women without going OD on the wigga-ass "Southpole" shit tryin to pretend like I'm something I'm not?


FIRST OF ALL DON'T CALL A FEMALE A BITTIE, IT SOUND LIKE A CROSS BETWEEN BIGGIE AND TITTIE SO BITCHES ARE GONNA PICTURE BIGGIES TITTIES AND THAT SHIT IS NOT POPPIN.


HERE'S SOME STRATEGIES. FIRST OFF, YOU'RE RIGHT. DON'T ACT LIKE SOMETHING YOU'RE NOT. NOT EVEN CUZ IT'S CORNY AND WIGGERS ARE ALMOST AS BAD AS NAZIS AND NIGGAS THAT RAPE GRANDMAS, BUT CUZ THE SHIT WON'T WORK. THE BITCH WILL SEE THROUGH YOUR FACADE B. THE ONLY WAY YOU CAN ACT BLACK OR LATINO AND BE WHITE IS IF YOU DO SOMETHING WE DO REALLY WELL. HERE'S SOME THINGS YOU CAN DO...

TO ACT LIKE A BLACK DUDE:

-PLAY BASKETBALL REAL GOOD. AND I DON'T MEAN LIKE LEAD YOUR TEAM IN DEFENSIVE REBOUNDS NIGGA THATS FUCKIN CORNY. KEVIN LOVE DOES THAT SHIT AND HE'S PROBABLY NOT GETTIN NO SWAG BASED PUSSY. I MEAN LIKE THIS...IF YOU CAN DO SHIT LIKE THAT THEN YOU INVITE SHORTY TO WATCH YOU PLAY AND YOU CAN RUN OFF THE COURT LIKE "WHATS SHAKIN MY NIGGA HAAANNNN!! YALL NIGGAS LOOKIN WILD ASS RIGHT NOW B" AND SHE WON'T LOOK AT YOU LIKE THIS.

-BE FROM SOME TYPE OF HOOD. (ALSO WORKS FOR IMITATING A SPANISH NIGGA.) IF YOU AIN'T FROM A THREE DIGIT NUMBER STREET DON'T EVEN BOTHER.

I THINK THAT'S IT... "WHAT ABOUT RAPPING MERO!!"

NO. SEE YOU PROLLY WOULD THINK THIS GOES FIRST BUT IT DOESN'T. THE FIRST THINGS WIGGERS TRY TO DO IS RAP. NOT ONE WHITE RAPPER HAS EVER BEEN TAKEN SERIOUSLY WITHOUT MENTIONING THE FACT THAT HE'S WHITE IN A SONG. EXCEPT FOR THIS NIGGA, AND I SUSPECT HE'S 1/2 BLACK. DON'T RAP, THE SHIT IS FUCKIN CORNY ANYWAY. RAPPIN IS NOT COOL UNLESS YOU LOOK LIKE A RAPPER, AND YOU CAN'T BE WHITE AND LOOK LIKE A RAPPER...CUZ LOOKIN LIKE A RAPPER REQUIRES A DURAG UNDER OTHER HEADGEAR AND THAT'S SOMETHING WHITE GUYS SHOULD NEVER EVER DO UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES. SORRY.


TO ACT LIKE A LATINO INDIVIDUAL:

-DANCE REALLY WELL, MERENGUE, SALSA, BACHATA, REGGAE, REGGAETON, AND ALL THE LITTLE SUBGENRES....ABSOLUTELY ALL THAT SHIT, YOU HAVE TO PRACTICE NOT LOOKING STUPID WHILE YOU DANCE ALSO. I KNOW THIS CAN BE DIFFICULT FOR WHITE NIGGAS.

-KNOW ABOUT THIS GUY (TO ACT DOMINICAN), AND THIS GUY (TO ACT PUERTO RICAN) IDK SHIT ABOUT MEXICAN CULTURE AND WHATS POPPIN WITH MEXICAN BITCHES BUT I HEARD MEXICANS SAY THE WORD "SONIDERO" SO GOOGLE IT. I THINK ITS MUSIC. I ALSO DK SHIT ABOUT SOUTH AMERICANS BUT I'M PRETTY SURE THEY MEXICANISH.

-EAT PUSSY LIKE A DYKE BUT YOU HAVE TO BAG A BITCH FIRST TO PUT THEM ON, ONCE YOU GOT EM THOUGH, YOU GOT EM.


IMA BE HONEST WITH YOU, YOU CAN KINDA TELL IF A BLACK BITCH OR A SPANISH BITCH IS GONNA BE INTO YOU BY THEIR DATING HISTORY. IF SHE ONLY DATED BLACK/SPANISH DUDES BEFORE YOU THEN UNLESS YOU'RE ROBIN THICKE SHE PROLLY AIN'T GONNA CHANGE HER RULES FOR YOU. ANOTHER EASY WAY TO BAG BROADS OF ANY COLOR IS BEING RICH. IF YOU'RE RICH BITCHES WILL FUCK YOU, PUNTO Y SE ACABO. BUT THE TONE OF YOUR EMAIL MAKES ME THINK YOU WANNA WIFE A BITCH UP...IN WHICH CASE YOU GOTTA JUST BE A NORMAL GUY. THERE'S CERTAIN SHIT WHITE PEOPLE DO THAT TURNS MINORITY BITCHES OFF. IF YOU'RE CAREFUL AND DON'T DO THOSE THINGS THE FACT THAT YOU'RE EDUCATED AND HAVE A CAREER, AND DON'T COME FROM A FAMILY THAT'S IN THE JAIL HALL OF FAME WOULD PROBABLY MAKE HER FEEL LIKE "IM GONNA MARRY THIS GUY AND FUCK DOMINICAN MEN ON THE LOW". GOOD LUCK BREDREN!

THIS IS ALL EMINEMS FAULT

YO...



YO THIS BITCH IS UGLY AS FUCK B.



HOLD UP MY PHONE RINGIN...

OH SHIT THAT'S A NIGGA!!!


YO MY NIGGA DIVERSE TOLD ME AKON SIGNED THIS SHEMALE. I REFUSE TO BELIEVE THAT. HOMIE SOUNDS TERRIBLE!! IF THIS WAS A FEMALE PEOPLE WOULD BE OD'ING...ACTUALLY NO THEY WOULDN'T THEY'D BE LOVIN IT. BUT I'M SAYIN THOUGH!! WHEN I FIRST OPENED THIS SHIT I THOUGHT IT WAS A NEW EMINEM VIDEO. GUESS WHAT THOUGH, THIS NIGGA IS GONNA BLOW UP BECAUSE LADY GAGA AND NICKI MINAJ LIKE TO PRETEND TO BE GAY SO GAY DUDES BUY THEIR MUSIC AND DRESS UP LIKE THEM. THEY GONNA COSIGN THE SHIT OUTTA THIS BABYDICK. THEY BOTH GONNA BE ON SHIS ALBUM AND THEN ITS GONNA BE COOL TO HAVE PINK EYEBROWS AND WEAR EYE SHADOW TO GO BUY A THING OF EGGS AT THE STORE.

LOOK I DIN TOLD NIGGAS I DO NOT CARE ABOUT GAY DUDES OR GAY FEMALES FOR THAT MATTER, (PUERTO RICAN DYKES IS ONE OF MY FAVE SPECIES OF PEOPLE) YOU LIKE TO PUT D'S IN B'S? DO YOU, I DON'T CARE. I HATE BEING REDUNDANT BUT THAT'S LIKE ME CARING ABOUT KIM JONG IL JERKIN OFF TO STEVE MARTIN MOVIES...THAT SHIT DON'T AFFECT ME. BUT FOR THOSE OF YOU NIGGAS THATS HOMOPHOBIC, THIS SHIT IS ABOUT TO FUCK UP YA WHOLE WORLD. EMINEM AND BAM MARGERA AND THE OTHER "JACKASS" NIGGAS BOTH COMBINED TO MAKE DOING GAY SHIT "AS A JOKE DUDE!" TOTALLY ACCEPTABLE. STEVE-O STICKIN SHIT IN HIS ASS, EMINEM DOING SKITS ABOUT GAY BLOWJOBS...ALL THAT SHIT DESENSITIZED NIGGAS. (OFF TOP I WAS LIKE "CHILL MY NIGGA PAUSE THAT WHOLE SHIT, THATS WILD MO") SO THAT OPENED THE DOOR FOR NIGGAS LIKE MY DAUGHTER JEFREE STAR OVER HERE TO STRAIGHT UP BE GAY AS FUCK AND THE SHIT BE COOL. AUTOTUNE SINGIN BOUT LICKIN BATIHOLES AND WEARIN LIPGLOSS AND SUCH.


BEFORE YOU KNOW IT NIGGAS WILL BE LIKE "OH WE ALREADY WEAR TIGHT JEANS ITS OK IF WE WEAR TIGHT SHORTS" SO YOU GON HAVE NIGGAS IN DAISY DUKES GETTIN ON THE L TRAIN TO PICK UP SOME PINK ICECREAM ON BEDFORD. CHRISTOPHER STREET IS GONNA BE MORE POPPING THAN BROADWAY CUZ SUCKIN DICKS IS GONNA BE THE NEW LOUIS VUITTON. YOU NIGGAS READY TO RIDE THAT WAVE? I'M NOT. I'M GONNA STAY RIGHT HERE IN THE BRONX INSULATED FROM ALL THIS BABY POWDER MAKEUP BRUSH WHIP CREAM FUCKERY. GOOD LUCK.