LOOK AT THIS COOL BITCH, SHE'S MAD CONFUSED SHE DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO ON HER FIRST "DATE" WITH SOME BASS PLAYER GUY...YO SO I TOLD DUDES WHAT TO DO AND WHAT NOT TO DO ON THE FIRST DATE TIP AND LIKE I SAID I'M NOT A SEXIST B. I'M FOR THE PEOPLE AND YALL WOMEN IS PEOPLE TOO. SO BONG, LEMME PUT YOU ON. THIS IS GONNA BE STRAIGHT LIST FORMAT CUZ MY GIRL IS ALWAYS TELLIN ME I'M NOT ORGANIZED AND SHIT SO THIS IS FINNA BE REAL ORGANIZATIONALIZED.
DO NOT:
-WEAR SOMETHING MAD SCANDALOUS WITH YOUR TITTIES FALLING OUT AND THEN BE MAD WHEN I'M MAKING EYE CONTACT WITH YOUR NIPPLES. THAT SHIT IS THE ILL DISTRACTION B LIKE A FUCKIN HELICOPTER FLYIN OVER US THE WHOLE TIME B I CANT FUCKIN CONCENTRATE AND I'M NOT LISTENIN TO SHIT YOU SAYIN ABOUT YOUR STUDY ABROAD SHIT IN DENMARK BITCH CUZ ALL I CAN THINK ABOUT IS SMACKIN MY DICK ON YOUR TITS CUZ THEY WAVIN AT ME.
-BE ON YOUR FUCKIN SIDEKICK/BLACKBERRY/IPHONE THE WHOLE FUCKIN TIME. GO TO THE BATHROOM IF YOU WANNA ASK YOUR HOMEGIRLS IF YOU SHOULD FUCK ME OR NOT B. THAT'S WILD RUDE! I'M TALKIN ABOUT MAD IMPORTANT SHIT AND YOU SITTIN THERE LIKE THIS A FUCKIN INTERVIEW AND YOUR PHONE IS THE NOTEPAD. BITCH I'M BOUT TO END THIS WITH ASSAULT AND ROBBERY INSTEAD OF DIVORCE.
-GET WILD DRUNK/FUCKED UP. IF THE NIGGA YOUR WITH IS SMART YOU SHOULDN'T BE AT A BAR ANYWAY BUT JUST IN CASE HE AIN'T AND YOU'RE AT FUCKIN PADDY McDRUNK'S DRINKIN IRISH CARBOMBS, NURSE THAT FUCKIN BEER BITCH! IF YOU GET DRUNK AND FUCK THIS NIGGA YOU GONNA WAKE UP THE NEXT DAY FEELIN NAKED AND ASHAMED TRYNA FIGURE OUT HOW YOU GONNA GET HOME AND YOUR BREATH STINK CUZ YOU DON'T GOT A TOOTHBRUSH AND IF YOU DO CARRY A TOOTHBRUSH FOR SITUATIONS LIKE THAT THEN YOU THE MEAN SLUT, AND I LIKE YOUR STYLE. SAME AS FOR DUDES, YOU NEED TO BE ON POINT OR YOU MIGHT END UP IN SOME BASEMENT MAD SCARED THINKIN YOU BOUT TO GET...
-RAPED. DO NOT TALK ABOUT THIS SHIT MA! DO NOT TALK ABOUT YOUR ABORTION AND HOW IT CHANGED YOUR LIFE! WE AT FUCKIN DAVE & BUSTERS BITCH LETS GO SIT IN THE JURASSIC PARK CAR AND SHOOT SOME DINOSAURS BITCH I DO NOT WANT TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR MOM DYIN FROM CANCER I JUST SMOKED A BLUNT BEFORE I GOT HERE AND YOU 100% BLOWIN MINE RIGHT NOW!! FUCK YOU WANT ME TO SAY BESIDES "WOW...THAT MUSTA BEEN HARD..."?! CUZ THAT'S ALL YOU GON HEAR 27 TIMES IN A ROW.
DO:
-TALK ABOUT YOURSELF, YOU GOTTA SAY SOMETHING, BUT KEEP IT BASIC. WHAT YOU DO, WHERE YOU WENT TO SCHOOL IF YOU DID, BASICALLY THE FORMULA IS, THE STUFF THAT YOU WOULD LET THE PUBLIC SEE ON YOUR FACEBOOK. LIKE I SAID I DON'T WANNA HEAR ABOUT YOUR ABORTION OR THE WEIRD RELIGION YOU JUST GOT INTO. I DON'T CARE! KEEP THE CONVERSATION FLOWIN CUZ THEM LONG PAUSES MAKE NIGGAS FEEL LIKE THEY SADDAM AT THE FUCKIN GALLOWS BOUT TO HANG TEN B.
-TOUCH, IF YOU LIKE THE DUDE APPEARANCEWISE THEN LET HIM KNOW. YOU DON'T GOTTA SAY THE SHIT BUT NIGGAS KNOW, WE PICK UP SIGNS...IF YOU SITTIN ACROSS AND YOU AGREE WITH SOME SHIT I SAID TOUCH MY HAND BITCH! BE LIKE "I KNOOOOWW!" AND DO THE LITTLE HAND TOUCH. LITTLE SHIT LIKE THAT SO THE NIGGA DOESN'T FEEL LIKE BEN ROETHLISBERGER AT LAKE TAHOE.
-ASK QUESTIONS, I DON'T CARE IF YOU'RE HILLARY CLINTON, I NEED TO FEEL IMPORTANT RIGHT NOW IF YOU WANT ME TO CALL YOU BACK. LEMME GET SOME JUICE. ASK ME WHAT I'M DOIN AND IF I SAY I AIN'T DOIN SHIT THEN I AIN'T SHIT AND YOU SHOULD WALK OUT RIGHT NOW ON SOME BLIND DATE SHIT. KEEP IT BASIC THOUGH, DON'T ASK ME WHAT I THINK OF OBAMA'S POLICIES AND TRY TO GET INTO A FUCKIN DEBATE WITH ME RIGHT NOW BITCH WE'RE CHILLIN. LETS SAVE THAT FOR LATER.
-WASH YOUR BAGINA. JUST IN CASE, NAHMEAN? I DON'T WANNA TAKE YOU HOME AND BEFORE YOUR PANTS IS ALL THE WAY OFF I GET SMACKED IN THE GRILL WITH THE "TUNA FISH IN TUPPERWARE WITH A BANANA PEEL ON TOP" SMELL THATS SO BAD MY NOSE WALKS OFF MY FACE LIKE "NIGGA FUCK YOU I'M DONE WITH THIS...THIS SOME BULLSHIT!!"
THATS ALL I CAN THINK OF, SOME OF THE SHIT IS OBVIOUS BUT YOU'D BE SURPRISED B. SOME BITCHES WILL GO MEET A NIGGA IN SWEATPANTS AND TUESDAY PUSSY (ON WEDNESDAY).
