MY NIGGA T RECENTLY ASKED ME WHAT WHITE PEOPLE EAT, SO I DECIDED TO DO A MULTI-PART "WHITE PEOPLE DISCOVERY GUIDE" FOR YOU NIGGAS THAT DON'T KNOW SHIT ABOUT WHITE PEOPLE. I KNOW YOU'RE PROLLY THINKIN "NIGGA, WHO DOESN'T KNOW ABOUT WHITE PEOPLE? MY BOSS/PROFESSOR/LAWYER IS WHITE! I KNOW ALL ABOUT WHITE PEOPLE!" OH WORD? SO THEN TELL ME WHAT HE/SHE HAD FOR LUNCH? YOU CAN'T! AND NEITHER CAN I, BUT I'M GONNA MAKE BROAD STATEMENTS AND BE OD STEREOTYPICAL CUZ NIGGA THAT'S WHAT I DOES.
THERE'S SOME GENERAL RULES WHITE PEOPLE ALWAYS FOLLOW WHEN IT COMES TO FOOD...THEY WONT TOUCH FAST FOOD CUZ THAT SHIT IS WHITE TRASH-ISH. IF ITS POSSIBLE NIGGAS WILL SHOP EXCLUSIVELY AT WHOLE FOODS OR TRADER JOE'S. NIGGAS WILL NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS BUY OFF BRAND SHIT, EVER!!! IF YOU GO INTO A [REAL] WHITE PEOPLE HOUSEHOLD AND THEY HAVE SUPERMARKET BRAND ANYTHING ILL GO TO A KLAN RALLY WITH FLAVOR FLAV AND TAKE FLICKS OF US SITTIN THERE DOIN MATH PROBLEMS. THAT SHIT WILL NEVER HAPPEN. NIGGAS LOOOOVE ORGANIC SHIT B. THEY ALSO LOVE FOREIGN SHIT (MORE ON THIS LATER). BASICALLY I COULD PUT DUTCH GUTS IN A BAG AND WRITE "ORGANIC MALAYSIAN DUTCH GUTS" ON THE SHIT AND IT WOULD SELL OUT AT WHOLE FOODS IN 22 MINUTES. THE MORE FOREIGN THE SHIT IS THE BETTER.
YOU ALREADY KNOW THERE'S [SUPPOSED TO BE] 3 MEALS A DAY, BREAKFAST, LUNCH AND DINNER. WHITE PEOPLE LOVE BREAKFAST...SINCE MOST WHITE PEOPLE ARE BUSY WRITING LAWS AND IMPORTANT BOOKS ABOUT THEY LIFE NIGGAS DON'T HAVE TIME TO PUT SHIT IN A SLOW COOKER AND WATCH HBO FOR 6 HOURS WAITIN FOR SOME RIBS TO SOFTEN UP. SO THEY LOVE BREAKFAST CUZ BREAKFAST IS EASY. SOME WHITE PEOPLE LOVE PANCAKES AND EGGS AND SAUSAGE, SOME WHITE PEOPLE ARE VEGETARIAN SO THEY EAT THE SAME SHIT JUST "VEGETARIAN" VERSIONS...PICTURE ME EATIN A VEGETARIAN SAUSAGE (PAUSE), OBAMA WILL SAY "NIGGA" ON TV BEFORE THAT HAPPEN. A WHITE PERSON WILL PUT PANCAKES AND SAUSAGE AND EGGS AND WEIRD GOAT CHEESE STACKED ALL ON A PLATE, AND POUR SYRUP ON IT, THEN THEY WILL DEVOUR THIS DISGUSTING SHIT AND GO PLAY GOLF. THE OTHER TYPE OF WHITE PERSON WILL MEET THEIR FRIENDS AT AN OUTDOOR CAFE AND HAVE $15 COFFEE AND A $20 BAGEL WITH EXOTIC ORGANIC TROUT SEMEN SPREAD, FOLLOWED BY MIMOSAS...NIGGAS WILL PROLLY TALK ABOUT ART OR SOME TYPE OF VACATION THEY FINNA GO ON TO A PLACE YOU NOT SUPPOSED TO VACATION AT. "WE'RE GOING HIKING IN RWANDA!".
MOST WHITE PEOPLE WORK IN AN OFFICE FOR A COMPANY THAT DOESN'T DO ANYTHING EXPLAINABLE IN REGULAR WORDS BUT HAS TRILLIONS OF DOLLARS. SO THEY EAT LUNCH "IN THE OFFICE" CUZ THEY GOT IMPORTANT NONSHIT TO DO. SO FOR LUNCH THEY WILL HAVE A VEGAN CHAI SOY SMOOTHIE LOWFAT LATTE WITH AN ORGANIC FLAX SEED WHEAT GERM PROTEIN ACTIVITY BAR...OR A SANDWICH FROM THE DELI AROUND THE CORNER...THERES A DELI DIRECTLY ACROSS THE STREET BUT WHITE PEOPLE WILL GO AROUND THE CORNER BECAUSE THE SANDWICHES ARE "WAY BETTER" EVEN THOUGH ITS THE SAME SANDWICH PREPARED BY THE SAME MEXICAN. LUNCH IS NOT A BIG DEAL TO WHITE PEOPLE BUT THE NIGGAS WILL COMPLAIN IF ITS CUT SHORT. LUNCHTIME IS ALSO THE ONLY TIME ITS OK FOR A WHITE GUY TO EAT MCDONALDS, "OH YEAH DUDE, ITS TOTALLY GROSS AND SO MANY CALORIES BUT IM PRESSED FOR TIME I HAVE TO FINISH THIS PROPOSAL SO IM JUST GONNA WOLF THIS DOWN TO TIDE ME OVER TILL DINNER, I FOUND THIS GREAT INDIAN PLACE!! AT THIS POINT IM RUNNING ON FUMES!! HAHA!! ALRIGHT HAVE A GOOD ONE!!"
FOR DINNER WHITE PEOPLE WILL EAT YOUR FOOD...YOU PROLLY SAYIN "WHAT YOU MEAN MERO? WHITE PEOPLE WILL SLASH MY FACE FOR DINNER? THAT DONT EVEN MAKE SENSE MY G." OR IF YOU TAKE THE SLANG DOWN TO LEVEL 5 YOUR SAYIN "WHAT YOU MEAN MERO? WHITE PEOPLE WILL EAT MY DINNER FOR DINNER?"...WHAT I MEAN IS, US NONWHITE PEOPLE ARE A SOURCE OF INSPIRATION FOR WHITE PEOPLE, CULINARILY SPEAKING. IF YOU'RE FROM SOME EXOTIC COUNRTY THEN YOU CAN OPEN A RESTAURANT AND THAT SHIT WILL BE CRAWLING WITH WHITE PEOPLE WITHIN HOURS OF YOU OPENING THE SHIT. MATTERFACT IF I WAS RICH I WOULD MAKE UP A FAKE COUNTRY, NAME IT BILKANAWANJA, OPEN UP A RESTAURANT, NAME IT "NAWANJA", AND SPECIALIZE IN BILKANAWANJANESE FOOD. I'LL JUST SERVE MY LEFTOVERS TOSSED WITH DUTCH GUTS ON FANCY PLATES AND HAVE FOREIGN LOOKING WAITERS THAT WILL GIVE YOU A POLITE CHUCKLE WHEN YOU PRONOUNCE THE FAKE NAMES OF THE FAKE FOOD WRONG. BUT NIGGA IF I AINT RICH WITHIN 4 MONTHS YOU CAN WRITE ME AN ANGRY EMAIL ABOUT HOW MY BLOG IS MAD DECEPTIVE.
OTHER RANDOM WHITE PEOPLE FOODS/DRINKS:
-WINE. WHITE PEOPLE LOVE WINE MORE THAN BRAGGING ABOUT THEIR COLLEGE B! THEY'LL TELL YOU THEY FOUND A GREAT WINE AND BRING IT TO YOUR CRIB AND ACT LIKE THEY PUT YOU ON TO SOME WILD EXCLUSIVE TYPE SHIT. THEN YOU'LL DRINK THE WINE, BE LIKE "NIGGA THIS SHIT TASTE LIKE WINE". WHITE PEOPLE WILL SMELL THE SHIT, SWIRL THE SHIT IN THE GLASS, SWISH IT AROUND THEY MOUTH, ALL THAT. LIKE THERES AN ANSWER TO LIFE IN THE SHIT AND THEY TASTE BUDS ARE MAGIC CODEBREAKERS. SHIT IS ROTTEN GRAPES NIGGA. GIMME A BREAK.
-TEA. THE NON COFFEE DRINKING WHITE PEOPLE DRINK SO MUCH TEA THEY MAKE BRITISH PEOPLE SAY "DAMN YOU NIGGAS [BLOKES] DRINK ALOT OF TEA" IN THE WHITE PEOPLE G POINTS SYSTEM HAVING A LITTLE TEA BALL AND PUTTING LOOSE TEA IN IT IS LIKE HITTING A WALKOFF GRANDSLAM IN THE WORLD SERIES, SHIT IS THE PINNACLE.
-MEATLOAF. I DONT KNOW ABOUT THIS SHIT LIKE THAT BUT I HEARD WHITE NIGGAS LOVE MEATLOAF NO HOMO. CANT GET TOO MUCH MORE IN DEPTH WITH THAT, ITS LIKE A LEGEND. I NEVER SEENT IT. I HEARD THEY PUT KETCHUP ON IT TOO THO.
-CHEESE. IF YOU EVER FUCK A WHITE GIRL AND SHE STAYS OVER YOUR CRIB AND WANTS TO MAKE BREAKFAST IN THE MORNING, ASK HER TO MAKE AN OMELET AND HAVE SOME CRAZY BRAZILIAN WHALE MILK CHEESE IN YOUR FRIDGE AND ASK HER TO USE THAT, SHE'LL BE SO IMPRESSED SHE'LL SUCK YOUR DICK AFTER SHE MAKES THE OMELET AND YOU THROW IT IN THE GARBAGE BECAUSE AUSTRALIAN WOMBAT MILK CHEESE IS NOT YOUR SPEED.
-SOY!! YO IN SPANISH, SOY MEANS "AM" AS IN "I AM" THIS SHIT IS PERFECT BECAUSE WHITE PEOPLE ARE SOY! THEY MADE OUT OF SOY AND TOFU MY NIGGA ASK MORGAN FREEMAN, HE KNOW. NIGGAS WILL EAT SOY ANYTHING. NIGGAS WILL EAT SOYBEANS DUG RIGHT OUT THE DIRT. TRY IT, TELL A WHITE NIGGA YOU HAVE SOMETHING MADE OUT OF SOY. I BET YOU MY CABLE BOX NIGGAS WILL BE LIKE "CAN I TRY SOME?" AND THEN ASK WHERE YOU GOT IT EVEN IF ITS SOY WALLABY SHIT. LONG AS ITS ORGANIC ITS GOOD $.
PRINT THIS OUT AND CARRY IT WITH YOU. YOU'LL NEVER FAIL IN A WHITE PEOPLE DIET DISCUSSION B. I PROMISE. NEXT PART OF THE WHITE PEOPLE DISCOVERY GUIDE IS ON DECK STAY TIDDUNED MY NIGGAS!
