I just moved to NYC and GOT DAMN EVERYBODY GOT THEY FUCKIN HAND OUT! Gettin on the subway feels like being a grandfather with 34 grandkids that u see on ur way to work, all askin for something! do you give money to people beggin on the train? how would you know whether to give someone money or not? is there any type of protocol to follow?
YOU KNOW WHATS ILL? THAT IN OTHER CITIES THERES BUMS ON THE STREET BEGGIN FOR MONEY SOMETIMES, AND MOST OF THE TIME COPS IS LIKE "GET OUTTA HERE YA LOUSY BUM!" AND THEN THEY KICK THEM OUT OF THEY PISSPUDDLE OUTSIDE MCDONALDS. NYC IS THE ONLY PLACE I SEEN COPS STEP OVER BUMS LIKE THEY TRYIN NOT TO STEP IN DOGSHIT. TRUE STORY. UNLESS THE BUM IS DOIN SOME WILD SHIT LIKE JERKIN OFF ON A WHITE GRANDMA OR SHITTING IN THE LOBBY OF THE EMPIRE STATE BUILDING, COPS DONT GIVE A FUCK AND KEEP IT MOVIN. IS IT BECAUSE THEY GOT BIGGER FISH TO FRY? DONT GIMME THAT, I SEE COPS ALL THE TIME AND THOSE NIGGAS LOOK LIKE ME ON A BLUNT RIDE, JUST SITTIN IN THE CAR LAUGHIN ABOUT SOME DUMB SHIT AND LOOKIN OUT THE WINDOW. IF I GO ON THE SUBWAY AND THERES A NIGGA IN THERE THAT SMELLS SO BAD ITS MAKIN MY NOSEHAIRS GRAY, GET THAT NIGGA OUTTA THERE! THE GOVERNMENT SHOULD DO SOME CATCH & RELEASE SHIT, SNATCH THESE NIGGAS UP, PROVIDE BUMSHOWERS WHERE THEY TAKE THESE NIGGAS HOSE EM DOWN NO HOMO AND GIVE THE NIGGAS A SANDWICH. THEN RELEASE THOSE NIGGAS BACK INTO THE WILDS OF MARCUS GARVEY PARK. MATTERFACT MAKE THAT SHIT A WILDLIFE BUM RESERVATION. NIGGAS CAN EAT PIGEON WINGS AND SQUIRREL STEAKS WITH GRASS SALADS. FUCK YOU THINK I WANNA SEE THIS WALKING DEPRESSION WHEN IM ON THE WAY TO WORK?
ANOTHER THING IS NYC (MANHATTAN MOSTLY, NOW BROOKLYN TOO) IS FULL OF TRANSPLANTS FROM OTHER PLACES, NIGGAS THAT GROW UP IN WISCONSIN AND DON'T SEE BUMS EVERYDAY THINK THE NIGGA WITH THE "I NEED A BEER AND A CIGGARETTE" SIGN IS "AWESOME DUDE!" AND THEY FUCK AROUND AND GIVE THE NIGGA A 5SPOT...ON SOME ENABLING SHIT. (TO COMBAT THIS I WALK AROUND KICKING NIGGAS CHANGE CUPS OVER.) THIS SHIT IS SO KNOWN THAT NIGGAS COME TO NEW YORK WITH NO FUCKIN MONEY LIKE "FUCK IT IMA SIT IN THE SUBWAY AND CAKE OFF" SO YOU GOT TWO DOPE FIENDS FROM SAN FRANCISCO SITTIN ON THE PLATFORM AT CANAL ASKIN FOR MONEY TO BUY DOPE FROM TITO. GET THE FUCK OUT MY FACE NIGGA YOU AINT EVEN GONNA PLAY A GUITAR B? NAH? NO POETRY/BREAKDANCIN? NOTHIN? FUCK YOU MY NIGGA. HOW BOUT THAT? HERE'S A TIP, GET THE FUCK OUT MY WAY BEFORE I THROW YOU ON THE TRACKS LIKE QTIP DID TO FAT JOE IN "PRISON SONG"
MY PROTOCOL FOR GIVING BUMS MONEY IS TO NOT GIVE BUMS MONEY. UNLESS I GOT MAD NICKELS & DIMES MAKIN MY JEANS SAG. THEN ILL GIVE A NIGGA 231 CENTS. NIGGAS THINK IM AN ASSHOLE BUT YO I USED TO GIVE BUMS A DOLLAR HERE AND THERE, ONE BUM NIGGA FUCKED IT UP FOR ALL YALL HOMELESSES...ONE DAY I SAW A DUDE ON THE 2TRAIN LOOKIN WILD SICK, I WAS JUST COMIN UPTOWN FROM THE MANHATTAN MALL AND SHIT, FEELIN MAD POSITIVE. HOMIE WAS LIMPIN DOWN THE CAR WITH ALL THE TAPE AND TAGS STILL ON HIM TALKIN ABOUT "I JUST GOT RELEASED FROM THE HOSPITAL, I WAS DIAGNOSED WITH CANCER, IM HUNGRY ETC ETC" SO I WAS LIKE "DAMN HOMIE YOU'RE FUCKED UP, HERE'S A DOLLAR SUMTHIN"...THIS SHIT INCREASED MY POSITIVITY LEVEL B, TO GET BACK IN THE RIGHT FRAME OF MIND I HAD TO PUSH A LADY WITH A STROLLER OUTTA MY WAY WHEN I GOT OFF THE TRAIN. FAST FORWARD LIKE A MONTH LATER, THIS TIME IM ON THE 6TRAIN, GOIN DOWNTOWN, AT SOUNDVIEW THIS SAME NIGGA GETS ON WITH THE SAME "I JUST GOT OUT THE HOSPITAL" STORY AND A DIFFERENT OUTFIT (SAME HOSPITAL TAGS THOUGH) TALKIN ABOUT "IVE BEEN DIAGNOSED WITH HIV"!!! NIGGA I TURNED INTO AN EXCLAMATION POINT!! I WAS LIKE "NIGGA YOU GOT CANCER AND AIDS?! YOU FUCKED UP!!" HE LOOKED AT ME MAD CONFUSED. NIGGAS IS LIARS. YOU AINT GETTIN NONE OF MY BREAD. FUCK UP OUTTA HERE.
OTHER REASONS BUMS AINT GETTIN MONEY.
- YOUR SNEAKERS LOOK FRESHER THAN THE MEXICAN ON HIS WAY TO WORK
- YOU ARE WEARING A LEATHER JACKET
- YOU DONT STINK YET
- YOUR CLOTHES ARE SOMETHING THATS BEEN "IN STYLE" WITHIN THE LAST 5 YEARS
-I OFFER YOU FOOD AND YOU DONT TAKE IT, YOU AINT THAT HUNGRY THEN LIL NIGGA. OR YOU WANT MONEY FOR CRILLZ AND YOU AINT GETTIN IT FROM ME. GO BREAK SOMEBODY CAR WINDOW, GET A GPS OR SUMM
IF YOU FIT ANY OF THESE CRITERIA YOU EITHER GOT SOMEONE ELSE THAT GOT YOU, OR YOU AINT DOIN THAT BAD, SO SHIT NIGGA LET ME HOLD SUMTHIN!!
NOTE: NIGGAS THATS MISSIN ARMS AND LEGS CAN GET SOME CHANGE THOUGH CUZ BEIN A BUM IS BAD ENOUGH, BEIN A BUM THAT CANT EVEN WALK UPTOWN WITHOUT SPINNIN SOME WHEELS IS EXTRA EXTRA ASS. I FEEL FOR YOU DOG HERE'S A SACAGAWEA.
