If You Take Things At Face Value

I know. I know. They say not to judge a book by its cover.
But what the hell? Let's take out some books and we'll come to a overall conclusion based solely on the cover.

1)Deep down? Girls really want a nice guy.

Yeah? Ok. Let's see. A lot of girls right now are obsessed with vampires. They've become enamored with vampires to the point where they watch story lines develop where vampires have physical relationships with young ladies.
These young (Human) ladies become smitten by tall, dark, handsome, mysterious men who suck the blood out of everyone they come across and never explain themselves. Everyone close to the young lass tries to talk her out if it. "He's no good for you!" "He'll kill you bitch!" The girl won't listen. She knows for A FACT that deep down he's truly good. Ok...next scene...WHAT? NO! The vampire broke the girl's heart? He left and didn't say anything!? Another Woman?!?

Take out the fangs and immortality....and you have REAL LIFE.
"I thought he loved me. I came home to find him fucking my sister."
Men are vampires. Women have been attracted to vampires for centuries and it won't stop anytime soon. Hollywood is just now profiting off of it.
(A little sidenote. Imagine an actual vampire getting questioned by an insecure, jealous girlfriend???
Girlfriend: So you were at John's house playing Madden?
Vampire: Yup.
Girlfriend: Then why did Sharon see you enter another realm at 3 AM?
Vampire: I mean..I was at John's house...but..what had happened was..
Girlfriend: You're lying to me! And DON'T THINK I don't know you were in the 15th century last week.
--Time traveling undead creatures who can't be exposed to daylight;so they suck blood all night..Domestic violence would be through the roof--

That's enough. I really don't feel like I need to go anymore in depth.
Do some research of your own.
The nice guy will find a female who he is attracted to. He'll find her hobbies very interesting. He'll ask her about every minute of her day. Her school work, her job, her commute...until finally after he falls into the friend zone...she'll tell him about the douchebag who had table service at the club. He didn't ask about her job, or her dreams, or her goals. He gave her a glass of liquor, and turned everything she said into crude sexual innuendo..She than had sex with him and is now feeling used. She's crying into the nice guy's shoulder and appears very vulnerable. He thinks he might have a chance until....she says "Thanks. I appreciate you being there for me. You're like my sister!"

Let's broach this subject a little more...
2. She's sending me signals.

The world is at your fingertips.
No, really. I'm serious.
As time goes by, technology advances. Simple concept.

Let's discuss social networking.
Here's a simple time line of social interaction before the internet.
1. Face to face interaction.
2. Interaction through a messenger.
3. Interaction through a message.(Letter, message in a bottle, etc.)
Better make your words count.
This went on for centuries before our next invention..
4. Interaction through telephone.

Now? It's too easy.
Wondering what someone is up to nowadays? Chances are they're on facebook.
Let me get to my point.
WE HAVE IT SO EASY!!!!!!
Where the hell was Myspace when I was 12 years old? Word? I can send this girl a message? Write a comment on her wall?
Fathers used to Star 69 my house! "Why were you calling my daugher?"
TAKE ADVANTAGE.

Let's do this through the eyes of an 18 year old male.
First of all this kid's grandfather is bitter. He met his wife in high-school. He took her on 18 dates. On the 19th date she exposed a centimeter of her bra strap winked and curtsied.

Let's see what our 18 year old friend does.
Goes on Myspace. Browse. Females. 18-24. Straight. Actually no. Bisexual. 5 miles from my zip code. Show only the ones that have pictures. SUBMIT. BOOM!
17,555 results.
I forgot the comedian who had a funny bit on this. Girls who act shocked when they get hit on by males and who flip when the males get a little fresh. I'm not a whore just because I dress sexy. Comedian says well you may not be a whore but you're wearing the whore costume!

I speak from experience. Our 18 year old pal now has 10 hours of girls to flip through. He should select girls who basically "are wearing a whore's costume." These are the ones who will post a picture of themselves wearing a bra and panties. Keep it going. These are the girls who will feverishly press the reload button on their browser to see who will share a comment on their pictures. One step further? These are the girls who will fuck you after 1 picture comment and a private message. Do they have low self esteem? Daddy issues? Body conscious? Issues with abandonment?

Who knows? Let's cross that bridge when we come to it. For now you have an important social networking application. To most people it's invisible. Not to us. We have a Box labeled slut and it's quite easy to see if they checked the box or not. (I mean it's not fool proof. Not by a long shot. However I do remember getting a lot of reply emails from XoXoHoTTiEKiSSeSoXoX saying "ThAnKszzz!! yEr PrEtii CuTe LeTzz cHyLLL!! hErE's mAii NuMbaaa"

TAKE ADVANTAGE!
Men of previous generations would KILL to be in our shoes! WOMEN ARE GIVING IT AWAY!
Nowadays if you take the traditional route of seducing/romancing/dating a woman..there's a good chance if YOU have Facebook/Myspace and SHE has Facebook/Myspace...y'all friends now.
"Oh, damn. Where am I gonna take this girl on our first date??"
-Oh wait! She has a survey on her Facebook page! She answers questions about every aspect of her life. Get this! She even describes her "ideal first date!" She wrote down her favorite movies, books, food, tv shows, and music! I'm sure some of you at one point had to ask the "best friend" for help...What kind of music does she like? Not anymore.
WOMEN ARE GIVING IT AWAY!
Never. And I mean NEVER have we had such an unadulterated look into the female mind as we do now with the advent of Online Social Networking.
Women will always be a mystery. We just have more clues now.

As a man who encourages slutty behavior I'm happy to present my next book I'm gonna judge by it's cover.

3.Slutty girls don't seem to mind being slutty, as long as they can find humor in their sluttiness.
A.K.A
(847) So I gave my body to some guy who didn't appreciate me. He pretty much told me so to my face. I DID find some Taco Bell in my purse though!

You wanna kill some time? Do what I do. Go to textsfromlastnight.com
Basically the premise of the site is that people receive ridiculous texts from their friends. The recipients of said texts want to spread the love so they forward them to this site.

Now again. We're just being superficial. We're just judging books by their cover. So what do we see?

Slutty girls are being slutty. Girls are having sex.
SLUTTY GIRLS ARE BEING SLUTTY, AND THEY COULD CARE LESS. As long as they think they've written something clever.

Ok. If you've never seen this site, you have no idea what I'm talking about.
2. If you're a female you probably think I'm a dick. "Girls just wanna have fun!"
But, come on. Sometimes, it seems that the sexual encounter was just a prerequisite to writing a text. I'm willing to WAGER that while some of these girls were there lying on their backs getting penetrated; they were plotting out their next text.
Whatever. Everything is everything. TAKE ADVANTAGE.


Finally, I'm gonna share a personal experience with everyone. I'm not gonna give this a title or anything.

4:30 AM- I woke up with excruciating pain in my wisdom tooth. I couldn't fall back asleep; the pain was horrific. For the next 8 hours I couldn't sleep, while taking a mixture of Advil, Codeine, and aspirin. At 3 O'Clock I spoke to a friend of mine who said he had pain medication from when he got his wisdom tooth extracted. So I walked over there and sat down while he looked for the pills. He had problems finding the meds but swung a lit blunt to me.

I took 2 hits and guess what? That Mary J give you No More Drama...in this danciree
Advil after advil. Aspirin after Aspirin. Codeine after Codeine.
NOTHING.
2 Hits of a blunt? Pain gone.