MAD MO ACTION

I WAS JUST THINKIN HOW "MMA" WOULD BE KINDA COOL IF NIGGAS DIDNT WEAR BIKE SHORTS AND GET DOWN ON THE GROUND AND 69 FOR 10 MINUTES UNTIL SOMEONE TAPPED OUT. LIKE IF THE SHIT WAS LIKE BOXING JUST WITHOUT GLOVES, AND YOU COULD KICK NIGGAS IN THE CHEST AND SHIT. "THATS KICKBOXING MERO" I KNOW BUT ONLY KOREANS (?) KICKBOX AND THAT SHIT ISNT EVEN POPPIN. UFC FOR REASONS UKNOWN IS MAD POPPIN AND NOW EVERY NIGGA IN HIS 20'S IS "TRAINING MMA BRO" AND WEARING MEDIUM TSHIRTS WITH SKULLS AND WINGS AND LIGHTING BOLTS AND SWORDS ON THEM...OK DICKHEAD GET A MOHAWK, TAPE YOUR ANKLES AND "TRAIN" SO YOU CAN FEEL LIKE A TOUGHGUY UNTIL YOU BUMP INTO SOME OUTTA SHAPE ASSHOLE WITH A BOXCUTTER IN HIS POCKET. THEN YOU CAN USE THE STAMINA AND ENDURANCE YOU BUILT WORKIN OUT TO RUN TO THE ER IN RECORD TIME.

I REMEMBER MAD LONG AGO BEIN AT MY UNCLES HOUSE AND HIM BEING LIKE "YO CHECK THIS SHIT OUT". HE PUT ON UFC AND I SAW TWO NIGGAS PUNCHING EACHOTHER IN THE FUCKIN FACE TILL ONE OF THEM FELL ON HIS FACE NOT MOVING. WHAT HAPPENED TO THAT? NOW THE SHIT IS ALL ABOUT SPANDEX AND ANALINGUS AND JOE ROGAN WHO IS THE LAMEST NIGGA ON THE PLANET TALKING ABOUT "WHAT A BEATIFUL MOUNT" "NOW HE'S GETTING INTO A POSITION WHERE HE CAN REALLY PENETRATE" REALLY JOE? IF I CLOSED MY EYES NO HOMO IT'D SOUND LIKE YOU'RE GIVING ME A PLAY BY PLAY OF A GAY PNO. FUCK OUTTA HERE B. I CANT EVEN FATHOM SITTING IN A ROOM FULL OF NIGGAS WATCHING TWO DUDES IN BOXER BRIEFS SUCK EACHOTHER TOES WHILE ANOTHER DUDE GIVES COLOR COMMENTARY LIKE HE HAS A BONER. FUCK THAT SHIT B, WHEN'S PACQUIAO - MAYWEATHER GONNA JUMP OFF?

YO! Sammy Sosa looks like a Michael Jackson/Vampire Hybrid

WTF? He looks like the "white newscaster" character Chappelle used to do.

Sammy are you ok? Are you ok? Are you OK Sammy?
He used to look like this.

Right? That's how he used to look? I'm not imagining this, am I? Or did he always look like a Dominican Twilight character??

WHY AM I SUPPOSED TO GIVE A FUCK ABOUT THE BEATLES?

WHY? WHATS SO GREAT ABOUT THESE NIGGAS B? I DONT GET IT, AM I NOT HEARING SOMETHING THAT EVERYBODY ELSE IS HEARING? FORGET THE FACT THAT ROCK MUSIC IS GAY IM SAYIN I FUCK WITH SOME ROCK MUSIC (I SWEAR) SO IM NOT JUST BUNCHING THESE NIGGAS UNDER THE GAYBRELLA (GAY UMBRELLA) WITH THE MAJORITY OF ROCK.

THIS MORNING IM SITTING EATING BREAKFAST WITH MY GIRL AND "GOOD DAY SUNSHINE" CAME ON THE RADIO (SHE LISTENS TO WCBS FM IN THE MORNING, THATS THE OLD WHITE PEOPLE STATION FOR YOU NON NY HEADS) AND I WAS LIKE "THE FUCK IS THIS?" SHE'S LIKE "THE BEATLES" SO I LISTEN MORE CLOSELY TO THE LYRICS AND SHIT CUZ NIGGAS ARE ALWAYS DICKRIDING THE BEATLES LIKE THEY INVENTED THE LIGHTBULB AND SLOPPY BLOWJOBS..."ITS A SUNNY DAY IM IN LOVE AND ITS A SUNNY DAY" ETC ETC...SO IM SAYIN, WHAT THE FUCK IS THE DEAL? THESE NIGGAS FUCKIN SUCK. I ASKED MY GIRL AND SHE'S LIKE "THEY CREATED A NEW SOUND" WHAT THE FUCK? THE SHIT SOUNDS LIKE FUCKIN SESAME STREET MUSIC. NIGGAS INVENTED GAY? GUITARS AND DRUMS AND BULLSHIT LYRICS? IM PRETTY SURE THAT SHIT WAS AROUND FOR A WHILE BEFORE THEM. FUCK THE BEATLES B.


SO AFTER THE SONG IS OVER THE DUDE STARTS TALKIN ABOUT HOW THEY HAVE AN ANTHOLOGY BOX SET SPECIAL COLLECTORS EDITION OUT OR SOME SHIT...I NEVER PAID ATTENTION TO THE BEATLES BUT I KNOW FOR A FACT THAT THESE NIGGAS ALREADY HAD 408497 ANTHOLOGIES B. AND THE SHIT COSTS 297 DOLLARS. YO FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU IF YOU THINK IM PAYIN 300 DOLLARS FOR A BOX SET OF SOME FUCKIN SESAME STREET MUSIC. PAUL MCCARTNEY BITCH ASS IS FUCKING CAKING RIGHT NOW BECAUSE OF YOU SUCKER ASS NIGGAS BUYING INTO THIS SHIT. JOHN LENNON WAS SO OVERRATED HE BODIED HIMSELF AND PRETENDED SOMEONE ELSE DID IT. I DONT KNOW THE OTHER NIGGAS (I GIVE SO LITTLE OF A FUCK ABOUT THEM IM NOT EVEN OPENING A NEW TAB TO WIKI THEM) BUT ONE OF THEM WAS THE FUCKING CONDUCTOR ON THAT SHOW WITH THE TALKING TRAINS SO FUCK HIM CUZ THAT SHOW WAS WILD GAY.

The Amazin' Mets

Heyyyyyyyy. New York! New York! The New York Yankees are the World Champions! As a Met fan it's hard to find any solace in that. Yeah, at least Philly didn't win. Maybe I'm just bitter. Ehh.....maybe. But I don't want somebody I know to win the Mega Millions. I want to win. You play to win the game. YOU PLAY TO WIN THE GAME!

How long until pitchers and catchers report? I'm a Knick fan. Danilo looks great, but other than that? Come on. I'm a Jet fan. We just got swept by the Dolphins. I got a lotta livin' to do 'fo I die. I'm not ready to commit that.

I found a little blurb I wrote about the Mets in July. Let's revisit that.

Ok, here's my take on Omar Minaya. What he did with the mets was like the equivalent of a poker player going in on a hand while committing like 90% of his chips. To Minaya's credit the pieces he put together were pretty good. He had a good hand. He had Wright and Reyes. Got Pedro. Got Delgado. Got Beltran. Got Wagner.

He thinks he has it. Those are good pieces; granted. Once he got Santana he thinks it's a wrap. But it didn't happen. It's like an even mix of under-achieving and injuries.

But it's reality. He did get Santana for Philip Humber and Carlos Gomez who are making NO noise. He did turn Kris Benson into John Maine and Jorge Julio who eventually became El Duque. He also signed Tim Redding and of course the infamous Luis Castillo and Heath Bell deals.

Nah, it's not his fault that Duaner Sanchez took that cab but it is his fault that he gave that kind of money to Moises Alou. Alou could fall out of bed and drive in runs but was even Minaya surprised when he got injured??? Yeah. Tough break. Minaya's core didn't work out but what is his contingency plan? It didn't work out. What are you gonna do now? Besides his "core" he throws pieces together. The real problem with that is those pieces are usually players in the twilight of their career doing a farewell lap around the National League.

A lot of times when his back is against the wall (twice right before the trade deadline) he tries to strike gold. Ex: Xavier Nady for Oliver Perez. Church for Francouer. BUT I have a way bigger problem with the 2nd one. We went in a huge circle with that one. At least Church was somewhat proven. What the hell is the difference between having L-Millz in the outfield and Francouer in the outfield? People have Francouer figured out. At least we could have fooled people with Milledge and got some value in return (what kinda happened with Ryan Church before they made him play with a concussion.) Yeah, Omar. We seen the S.I where Francouer was on the cover and they called him the Natural. He had a good first year and a half, and has a rocket for an arm. Since then? He has 11, 5, and 5 homeruns. PLAYING EVERYDAY. He wasn't on Steroids? Yeah, ok.

It goes deeper than this guy though. I remembered a couple of things that have ACTUALLY happened today.
-At 22 years old you're gonna re-teach Jose Reyes to run? You're gonna change the way somebody runs at 22 years old? That actually happened. Has Reyes played since? I forget what he looks like playing fvcking baseball. I got some memories but they're kinda foggy.
-Jose Reyes hurt himself he's limping around the field. Oh it may be his hamstring. Nope, it's his calf. He's fine, he's going to play. "Jerry Manuel: 80% of Reyes is better than 100% of a lot of players." He plays until he cannot walk. Try to find information on this. "Well, he'll be back at one point. I mean, he will play for the Mets one day. At some point after the all-star break but before 2010 most likely." That actually happened.
-Carlos Beltran this year was missing like 2 games a week. Until finally....he plays until he can't walk. He goes to get a 2nd opinion and the doctor tells him..what did that doctor say? I think it went something like "What were you doing playing baseball?" "Are you serious?" At one point they were even saying that it was career threatening?! A knee bruise? That actually happened.
-Again. Why invest so much in a player if you're that unhappy with one of his main tools. Running? Hitting? At 25 years old you're gonna completely change the way David Wright approaches an at-bat. "David, forget everything you know. Swing like this. This will be better in citi-field." This actually happened.

I wish one of you guys had the headlines/timeline of John Maine for the last year.
-John Maine feels good about the Mets chances in 08.
-John Maine experiences soreness in shoulder.
-John Maine hopes to return after all-star break.
-John Maine hopes to return in a bullpen role.
-John Maine won't be pitching for a while.

He's another one. What has he pitched in the last year/12 months? 25 innings? 5 starts. Do any of you know what exactly is wrong with him? I sure don't. His shoulder is sore? I heard he had bone spurs. Who knows.

But....again. This 2009 season. He's practically all-in just relying on his core. It didn't work. It's painfully obvious the Mets don't have money. Minaya's thinking. "Oh. All I gotta do is fix the bullpen? I'll get K-Rod. We're set now." Minaya has a habit of doing this - getting a premier player at one position and throwing somebody in the other open positions. Now the Mets are thrown together and some decent bench guys can't produce like every day guys.

There's a lot of times where it's deeper than Minaya. I think they totally mis-managed and destroyed Heilman. I really do. Church? I really don't wanna get into the flying to Colorado thing so I won't. But I have a bad feeling. And it's about...

DAVID WRIGHT.

Since this player has been 23 years old find me a quote of a player other than David Wright after the game. He gets called up he's in his early 20's, he puts it together right away. WHY IS HE THE SPOKESMAN FOR THIS TEAM?? Why isn't he solely concerned with playing 3rd base, he needs to explain why it is they lost after every game? None of the "veteran" players on this team can open their mouth? They're gonna destroy this kid. Watch. Or he's gonna destroy them.

They're gonna do something big/stupid. They're gonna trade Reyes or Wright. They don't have any other outs. This team is in for a huge overhaul and it's not gonna be fun.

I gotta take one thing back. I like Francoeur. I hated the move at the time. I really did. But that guy LIVES to play baseball. This guy would play with a broken arm while the rest of the team shakes the pitcher's hand after they strike out. "Great strikeout bro. You're an awesome pitcher dude!"

Whatevs. Let's make this team a contender again. (Last year was an anomaly. A freakish amount of injuries. A ridiculous amount. Still. Let's go Omar.)

C-
1B-
2B-
SS- Reyes
3B- Wright
LF-
CF- Beltran
RF- Francoeur

Lotta holes in that lineup that need to be filled up.
Catcher. Thole? The kid looked good. Looks weird to see a catcher choke up on the bat like that, but he looked good. Not ready yet. Let's sign Bengie Molina.
First Base. Omar's mouth is watering because look at the first basemen who are free agents. They're all washed up. Plus Omar said in the Daily News "don't be surprised to see Delgado in a Mets uniform next year." A Latino player who just came off a hip surgery in the twilight of his career? Wouldn't surprise me at all Omar. Daniel Murphy? Ok. The kid is a 2nd basemen. Failed in the outfield. Pretty solid defensively at 1st. I think he was 4th on the team in hitting last year. (He batted 250 something. SMH) He had no protection the lineup; it was his 1st full year in the majors. Truth be told, I'd rather see Murph at 1st than Delgado. Maybe a glimmer of hope here though. One of our top prospects is a 1st baseman. A young man by the name of Ike Davis. He's tearing up the Arizona Fall League. Rumors have it that they might let him compete for the job in spring training. We shall see.
2nd Base I hated the Castillo contract. You hated the Castillo contract. Guess what? He was solid last year. (Besides the game we don't need to talk about) Let's trade him though. Let's trade Gimpy and sign Orlando Hudson.
Left FieldCrawford. Bay. Holliday. That's it. Omar. Don't give us Johnny Damon. Please. I'm begging you. Crawford. Bay. Holliday.

The RotationSign John Lackey. Than sign Randy Wolf or Jason Marquis. I prefer Marquis. He's from Staten Island. He wants to be a Met. Omar has had a hard-on for Wolf for a while though so whatever. Just sign Lackey first.

K. Bye.

DMX CATCHES 10 BODIES...

YO SO THIS DUDE CAUGHT MAD BODIES AND HID THEM IN HIS CRIB...

IT BUGS ME OUT HOW A NIGGA CAN RAPE OD AMMOUNT OF BITCHES AND THEN BODY THEM, AND THEN JUST STASH THEM IN HIS CRIB LIKE THEY'RE QUARTER OZ'S OF WEED OR SOME SHIT. NO BIG DEAL I GOT 4 DEAD BITCHES BEHIND THE TOSTITOS IN THE PANTRY...THATS A DEAD PERSON MY G, IM SAYIN, I SEEN DEAD NIGGAS BEFORE BUT THATS NOT SOME SHIT YOU WANNA SEE EVERYDAY YOU FEEL ME? IM GOIN TO GET MY TIMBS OUTTA MY CLOSET AND A DEAD NAKED BITCH FALLS ON MY HEAD? FUCK OUTTA HERE B! I CANT FALL ASLEEP WITH SHIT IN THE TOILET ON THE OTHER END OF MY CRIB, IF I STEP IN DOGSHIT I CANT EAT MY LUNCH B, THE SMELL BE KILLIN ME...I DONT EVEN WANNA KNOW WHAT 10 DEAD BITCHES SMELLS LIKE, THATS GOTTA SMELL WORSE THAN EVERY BAD THING YOU EVER DID IN YOUR LIFE + 20 HAITIAN REFUGEES THAT PISSED ON THEYSELF. SHIT PROLLY STINK WORSE THAN FRANK CALIENDOS TV SHOW. HOW YOU LIVE YOUR LIFE MY G? YOU CAN EAT A BOWL OF CEREAL WITH 10 NAKED DEAD BITCHES IN YOUR CRIB SMELLIN LIKE HUNTS POINT COVERED IN PITBULL SHIT? WHAT IF YOU FORGET WHERE YOU STASHED ONE OF YOUR DEAD BITCHES? YOU GO TO THE HALL CLOSET TO GET SOME TOWELS AND YOU'RE LIKE "OH SHIT I FORGOT I STASHED A DEAD BITCH HERE"? DID HE HAVE POSTITS ALL OVER HIS CRIB? "DED BITCH IN HEAR NO MOR ICE TEE" (IM ASSUMING THIS NIGGA WAS ILLITERATE)

ALSO, IT SAYS HE GOT PINCHED CUZ SOME LADY HE INVITED OVER FOR DRINKS GOT LIVE WITH THE NIGGA AND HE TRIED TO BEAT HER UP AND SHE CALLED 5-0...SHORTY DIDNT SMELL THE 10 OTHER DEAD BITCHES? IS THIS A SHITTY HORROR MOVIE PLOT? SCROLL UP AND LOOK AT THIS NIGGA!!! THIS NIGGAS NEIGHBORS WERE COMPLAININ ABOUT THE SHIT!! YOU DIDNT SMELL DEAD PEOPLE SOON AS YOU CAME ON THE BLOCK? YOU IN THIS NIGGAS CRIB DRINKIN A COSMO CHILLIN? HE PROLLY HAD A DEAD BITCH UNDER HIS XBOX OR SUMTHIN B, GET REAL. I KNOW REGULAR NIGGAS THAT CANT GET BITCHES TO COME OVER FOR DRINKS, WHAT KINDA FEMALE WE TALKIN BOUT HERE? BITCH MUSTA LOOKED LIKE MICHAEL JORDAN IN HIS COLLEGE YEARS. SHIT IS BANANAS, NOT TO MENTION HOMIE LOOKS LIKE DMX/STICKY FINGAZ...ON HEAVY CRILLZ. (WHICH IS SAYIN SUMTHIN.) CRAZY.

AND YO NOT FOR NOTHING, BUT 10 SHORTIES MY MAN? 10?! NIGGA MUSTA LIVED IN A MANSION. I LIVE IN A 1 BEDROOM AND I DONT EVEN GOT ENOUGH ROOM TO PUT AN EXTRA CHAIR IN THIS MUTHAFUCKA...FORGET STASHING 10 DEAD PEOPLE. IM PUTTIN SNEAKERS UNDER MY BED & SHIT CUZ THEY DONT FIT IN THE CLOSET. I GUESS HE WAS RUNNIN OUTTA ROOM CUZ HE BURIED ONE OF EM IN HIS FRONT YARD WHICH IS CRAZY CUZ NONE OF YOUR NEIGHBORS LOOKED OUT THE WINDOW AND SEEN YOU BURYING A NAKED BITCH IN YOUR FRONT FUCKIN YARD? DID HE LIVE ACROSS THE STREET FROM CAM'RON?

FUCK OUTTA HERE...

MAD SOLID RELATIONSHIP ADVICE B

YO SO I WROTE THIS LITTLE THING THAT IS MAD CRUCIAL TO 20TH CENTURY MALE-FEMALE RELATIONSHIPS AND THE SHIT NEVER GOT USED. TOO REAL FOR PRINT MEDIA B. SO YO, HERE IT IS FOR YALL NIGGAS TO ABSORB THE WISDOM.


NOT THAT IM THE AUTHORITY ON RELATIONSHIPS...ACTUALLY...IM THE AUTHORITY ON EVERYTHING B, RECOGNIZE. HERES SOME RELATIONSHIP ADVICE FOR YOU NIGGAS...AND LADIES TOO, I AINT FORGET ABOUT YALL. IM GONNA KEEP THIS TO 5 POINTS. IF YOU NEED MORE HELP...PSH...HOLLA AT DR. PHIL. OR CUT ME A CHECK. I GOT THINGS I GOTTA DO HOMIE. TIME IS MONEY.

-NIGGAS, DONT FORGET TO CALL YOUR GIRL AT LEAST ONCE A DAY B. PERSONALLY I DONT SEE WHAT THE BIG DEAL IS, I MEAN, I LOVE MY MOMS, BUT I DONT CALL THE BITCH EVERY GODDAMN DAY. THIS IS A BIG DEAL TO FEMALES THOUGH I'VE LEARNED FROM EXPERIENCE.

-COMPLIMENT HER, BUT DONT GIVE HER A STUPID INSINCERE COMPLIMENT. "WHAT YOU MEAN MERO?" I MEAN DONT TELL HER HER HAIR LOOKS GREAT WHEN SHE JUST WOKE UP AND IT LOOKS LIKE HULK HOGAN WAS GIVING HER NOOGIES WITH AN AFRO PICK. THATS WHAT I MEAN. SAY SOMETHING ABOUT HER OUTFIT. GIRLS ALWAYS (ALMOST ALWAYS) TAKE GREAT PRIDE IN WHAT THEY WEAR AND HOW THEIR HAIR LOOKS AND SHIT...SO IF YOU BIG THAT UP THEN YOU FINNA SCORE SOME POINTS.

-I LEARNED THIS THE HARD WAY...DONT TELL A SUPER COMPLICATED LIE TO GET OUT OF SOMETHING BECAUSE THE YANKEES ARE PLAYING THE REDSOX AND YOU GOT GOOD TICKETS (OR WHATEVER YOU INTO). CUZ THEN SHE'S GONNA ASK YOU HOW YOUR SISTERS OVARIAN CYST IS AND YOU GONNA BE LIKE "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?" THEN YOU'RE BAGGED AND YOU CAN SAY GOODBYE TO BLOWJOBS FOR LIKE A GOOD YEAR B. KEEP YOUR FIBBING SIMPLE HOMIE, OR JUST DONT LIE. (I KNOW, ITS TOUGH).

-DO NOT EVER EVER EVER TAKE YOUR GIRLFRIEND SOMEWHERE WHERE THERE MIGHT BE A LARGE AMMOUNT OF FEMALES SPEAKING TO YOU. I DONT THINK I HAVE TO EXPLAIN THIS BUT IF YOUR GIRLFRIEND SEES YOU TALKING TO 6 DIFFERENT BITCHES IN ONE NIGHT, IT DOESN'T MATTER IF YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT PHYSICS. YOU'RE NOT TALKING ABOUT YOUR GIRLFRIEND SO ITS AUTOMATICALLY BAD.

-DONT KEEP THOSE NAKED PICTURES OF YOUR EX ON YOUR DESKTOP LIKE A STUPID ASSHOLE DICKFACE JERK, IN A FOLDER NAMED "JESSICA NUDE PIX"




LADIES...YOU DONT EVEN NEED ADVICE RIGHT? YOU GOT IT ALL FIGURED OUT RIGHT? "NIGGAS ARE SO SIMPLE ALL THEY WANT IS SEX AND FOOD AND BEER/WEED/SPORTS." YEAH, I KNOW. PAY ATTENTION.


-IF YOU HAVE BEEN WITH A DUDE MORE THAN 6 MONTHS, IT IS COMPLETELY UNNECCESSARY TO CALL HIM 149 TIMES A DAY, YOU KNOW HE'S AT WORK, HE KNOWS YOU'RE AT WORK. YOU DONT NEED TO WASTE YOUR DAYTIME MINUTES TO SAY "HI BABY, I JUST ATE SOME DORITOS, OH SHIT MY BOSS IS COMING, ILL TALK TO YOU LATER" REALLY MA? I DONT CARE. IF YOUR MAN RESPONDS TO MOST OF YOUR STATEMENTS WITH A LAUGH THAT SOUNDS LIKE "I THINK YOU JUST MADE A JOKE BUT IM PLAYING SOLITAIRE AND NOT PAYING ATTENTION" OR A "REALLY?" THEN HE DOESN'T WANNA TALK TO YOU. "REALLY?" IS AN ALL PURPOSE RESPONSE, I COULD ANSWER EVERYTHING YOU SAY WITH "REALLY?" (I COULD, THINK ABOUT IT.)


-LEARN HOW TO FUCKING COOK. I KNOW IT SOUNDS MAD SEXIST AND OLDSCHOOL BUT ITS SO RARE TO FIND A GIRL THAT CAN COOK NOWADAYS ITS ALMOST BETTER THAN YOU HAVING NICE TITS. SO GET SOME COOKBOOKS, OR ASK YOUR MOM. DONT FORGET TO PRACTICE THOUGH CUZ IF YOU GIVE YOUR MAN A PLATE OF RICE AND CHICKEN THAT LOOKS LIKE OATMEAL WITH A PIECE OF CHARCOAL ON TOP YOU WILL MORE THAN LIKELY LOSE POINTS, THERES NO SUCH THING AS "NICE TRY" WHEN IM HUNGRY.


- UNLESS YOU HAVE TERRIBLE SKIN, KEEP THE MAKEUP TO A MINIMUM, IF WE GO OUT AND MY BROTHER DOESNT RECOGNIZE YOU, AND HE JUST SAW YOU AT THE SUPERMARKET YESTERDAY...YOU OVERDID IT. YOU CAN WEAR SOME MAKEUP, DONT GET ME WRONG. JUST DONT COME TO THE PARTY LOOKING LIKE A TRANSEXUAL GEISHA.


-OK ITS YOUR HOUSE, AND IM SITTING ON YOUR COUCH, I KNOW THIS...BUT COULD YOU PLEASE NOT FUCKING PLAY MARIAH CAREY? IM TRYING TO WATCH THE KNICKS. CANT YOU JUST SIT ON THE COUCH WITH ME AND SAY "AWWW! HE'S SO LITTLE!" EVERYTIME NATE ROBINSON SHOOTS A JUMPSHOT? PLEASE?


-KEEP THE MYSPACING/FACEBOOKING TO A MINIMUM, MYSPACE IS THE GREAT DESTROYER OF RELATIONSHIPS B. GUYS GET JEALOUS TOO, SO IF THERES A PICTURE OF YOU ON YOUR MYSPACE IN A BIKINI AND THERES 7 DUDES IN A ROW SAYING "WOW MA YOU GOT A FAT ASS, ID DO ANYTHING TO HAVE YOU PEE IN MY MOUTH" THERES GONNA BE CONFLICT. (THINK ABOUT IT, WHAT WOULD YOU DO?) BUT YOU KNEW THAT, CUZ WOMEN ARE SMARTER THAN MEN...RIGHT?


SO THERE YOU HAVE IT. IF YOU READ THIS AND STILL HAVE PROBLEMS IM SORRY TO BREAK IT TO YOU BUT YOUR RELATIONSHIP IS DOOMED. ITS ALL GOOD THOUGH, YOU CAN GET ON MYSPACE AND TELL THAT GIRL YOU JUST REQUESTED THAT YOU WANT HER TO PEE IN YOUR MOUTH, OR VICE VERSA LADIES. PEE IN THAT NIGGA MOUTH OR SUMM, GET OVER IT.

ROCK MUSIC IS GAY.

SO I WAS AT A MALL IN JERSEY AND I SEEN SOME LITTLE FAT WHITE KIDS IN BIG SHOES AND TIGHT PANTS, IT WAS LIKE 5 OF THEM...AND IM SITTIN THERE EATIN MY WENDYS AND SHIT AND I OVERHEAR SOME OTHER KIDS TALKING ABOUT THEM AND ONE OF THEM SAID "THEY'RE TOTALLY PUNK ROCK, THEY'RE NOT EMO."

PUNK ROCK? FUCK THAT "PUNK ROCK" SHIT, THERE AINT NO SUCH THING AS PUNK ROCK ANYMORE. BECAUSE AS FAR AS I KNOW PUNK ROCK IS ABOUT BEING BROKE AND SMELLING LIKE SHIT AND OWNING NOTHING BUT AN INSTRUMENT TO PLAY AND PLAYING SHOWS AND SPENDING ALL YOUR MONEY ON HEROIN AND SHITTY BEER. SHIT IS NOT ABOUT ALL 5 OF YOU LIL HOMOS ROCKING THE SAME CORNBALL ASS CLOWN SHOES AND LOOKING LIKE A LITTLE GAY DOMINATRIX FAT BIKER ELF THAT MAKES SANDWICHES IN A LITTLE PINK CABIN IN ICELAND. YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT. KILL YOURSELF NIGGA FOR REAL FOR REAL...YOU ARE ALL MAD LAME AND I HOPE A GRENADE FALLS IN FRONT OF YOU WHILE YOUR 19TH "BREAKDOWN" KICKS IN. YOU FUCKING CORNBALL ASS NERD NIGGAS. AND I BET ALL OF YOU ARE 12 AND LIVE WITH YOUR MOMS. FUCK YOU. ASSHOLE.

AND WHAT THE FUCK IS EMO? WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO ROCK MUSIC B? IT USED TO BE THAT ROCK WAS SOME SHIT THAT WAS FOR TOUGH GUYS. NOW A BAND CAN FILL A STADIUM WITH A BUNCH OF LITTLE NIGGAS WITH ACNE STARING AT THEIR SHOES AND BRUSHIN THEY HAIR OUT THEY EYES SO EVERYONE CAN SEE THEM CRYING...CRYING IS WASSUP NOW? FUCK OUTTA HERE, THATS WHY NO MATTER HOW "DUMB" NIGGAS SAY RAP IS GETTING IM STICKIN WITH IT 100%. ID RATHER CATCH MY SON DOING THE SUPAMAN THAN CATCH HIM TRYING TO PUT MASCARA ON AND PRACTICING HIS "SAD FACE" IN THE MIRROR. WHAT A BUNCH OF FUCKIN JERKS.

THEN YOU GOT "GOTHS"...BRO, YOU'RE STANDING BY THE CUBE AT ASTOR PLACE WITH BLACK LIPSTICK ON AND FAKE FANGS AND YOU'RE HISSING AT PEOPLE THAT WALK BY. YOU'RE FUCKING SITTING IN MCDONALDS WEARING FLOOR LENGTH TRENCHCOATS WITH YOUR DUDES HISSING AT EACHOTHER AND CALLING EACHOTHER VINDICTUS PHOENIX AND SLIVERBLADE...FOR REAL MY NIGGA? YOU'RE GONNA FINISH YOUR McCHICKEN AND GO TAKE SOME FACEBOOK PICTURES SITTING ON SOMEONES GRAVE MAKING A SPOOKY FACE? THIS IS A SUBCULTURE? LEMME LISTEN TO THIS MUSIC FOR A SECOND *PUTS IN EARBUDS* OH OK SO BASICALLY WHAT WE GOT HERE IS THE SOUND OF KILLERBEES ATTACKING A MOOSE IN AN ELEVATOR, OK COOL...NAH NIGGA, GO FUCK YOURSELF B. I KEEP SEEING THOSE "GRAFFITI FREE NYC" TRUCKS EVERYWHERE, THEY SHOULD CONVERT THOSE INTO "HERB PATROL" AND JUST RUN AROUND FINDING THESE NIGGAS AND GIVING THEM ANUS TEARING WEDGIES B.