I GUARANTEE THIS NIGGA IS WEARING FLIPFLOPS AND CARGO SHORTS EVEN IF ITS THANKSGIVINGYO I DON'T KNOW WHAT MADE ME THINK OF THIS...MAYBE I SAW A FLICK OF THAT JESSE JAMES NIGGA IN A MAGAZINE AT THE SUPERMARKET AGAIN, BUT IT MADE ME THINK ABOUT HOW EASY IT IS TO BE A BRO JESUS.
"MERO WHATS A BRO JESUS?" GOOD THING YOU ASKED ME, ME. IM FINNA TELL YOU, FIRST YOU GOTTA UNDERSTAND WHAT A BRO IS. BRO'S ARE A SPECIES OF NIGGA THATS MOSTLY WHITE BUT CAN ALSO BE ASIAN OR LATINO...BUT LIKE SOUTH AMERICAN LATINO OR MEXICAN, SOMETIMES PUERTO RICAN...DOMINICANS CAN'T BE BROS CUZ WE'RE ON SOME OTHER SHIT...LIKE JAMAICANS MINUS THE SKIN BLEACHING.BROS ARE NIGGAS THATS REALLY INTO MMA AND LIGHT BEER AND THEY DRIVE A JEEP WRANGLER OR PICKUP AND LISTEN TO LINKIN PARK OD OD OD. IF YOU LOOK AT THE NIGGAS IPOD ITS ALL EVANESENCE AND SHIT LIKE THAT AND DROWNING POOL AND SHIT THAT NIGGAS PLAY IN THE BACKGROUND OF A SHOOTOUT IN A MOVIE STARING JASON STATHAM. WHITE BROS ARE INTO HITLER ON THE LOW AND LOVE CELEBRATIONS OF WHITENESS LIKE ST PATRICK'S DAY.
THESE NIGGAS ARE BRO JESUSES
JESSE JAMES: THIS IS THE NIGGA THAT ORIGINALLY MADE ME THINK OF THE TITLE "BRO JESUS" CUZ HE'S THE DON OF ALL BROS. WHEN THAT NIGGAS DAUGHTER GETS MARRIED MUTHAFUCKAS GOTTA COME TO THE WEDDING AND PAY HOMAGE AND KISS HIS GERMAN CROSS TATTOO. THIS NIGGA MAKES OLD LOOKING MOTORCYCLES FOR A LIVING AND WAS FUCKIN SANDRA BULLOCK BUT FUCKED SOME OTHER JOINT THAT WAS TOTAL BRO MATERIAL. HE HAS A GOATEE AND OD AMMOUNT OF TATTOOS. THE MOTORCYCLE SHIT IS WHAT REALLY MAKES THE NIGGA A BROGOD THOUGH CUZ MOST BRO FLOW NIGGAS WOULD KILL THEY MOMS FOR A "CHOPPER". IF THIS NIGGA WERE TO EVER STEP IN AN MMA RING IN BOXER BRIEFS BROS FROM AROUND THE GLOBE [MIDWEST] WOULD LINE UP TO PALM THIS NIGGAS BALLS FOR 5 SECONDS.
CAN'T YOU JUST HEAR THIS NIGGA SCREAMING "FUUUUUCKKKK BRRRROOOOOO!!!"CHUCK LIDDELL: CORRECT ME IF IM WRONG BUT DIDNT THIS NIGGA INVENT THOSE "AFFLICTION" SHIRTS THAT HAVE BECOME THE BRO UNIFORM? THIS NIGGA IS THE RALPH LAUREN OF BROS FOR THAT ONE B. THAT ALONE CAN GET YOU ON THE BRO JESUS LIST BUT GUESS WHAT? THIS MUTHAFUCKA IS AN "ULTIMATE FIGHTER!" HE GOT IN A RING WITH VARIOUS DUDES WEARING NOTHING BUT BRIEFS AND AN ACE BANDAGE SOMEWHERE ON HIS BODY. THE NIGGA ALSO HAS A MOHAWK AND IS BROLICK. THATS LIKE TRIPLE BRO SCORE MY NIGGA. FOR REAL GAME OVER.
CHRISTIAN AUDIGIER: WHEN BRO NIGGAS IS JUST CHILLIN WORKIN OUT OR WATCHING DANCING WITH THE STARS THEY ROCK AFFLICTION BUT WHEN BROS WANNA GET FANCY YOU KNOW WHAT THEY THROWIN ON BRUH, NIGGAS IS THROWIN ON THE ED HARDY AND IF THEY REALLY WANNA GET ON SOME BRO COUTURE SHIT THEY THROW ON THE "CHRISTIAN AUDIGIER" SHIT. THIS IS LIKE VERSACE FOR BROS MY NIGGA. YOU CAN LOOK AT ONE OF THESE BABY PENIS NIPPLE RING ASS SWEATY RED FACE NIGGAS IN THEY EYE AND FEEL THAT BANNED SUBSTANCE SWAG ON A TRILLION WHEN THEY ROCKIN THIS SHIT. IT DOESN'T MATTER THAT CHRISTIAN AUDIGIER IS A FAT MORROCAN FRENCH FERRET CLOWN NIGGA THATS LIKE 89 YEARS OLD AND THEY SELL HIS SHIT AT COSTCO. THAT SHIT IS IRRELEVANT CUZ THE SHIT IS SHINY AND BROBITCHES AT THE TECHNO CLUB LOVE THAT SHIT.
SO BOOM IF YOU WANNA BECOME AN ICON TO NIGGAS THAT HAVE FLIPFLOPS WITH BOTTLE OPENERS ON THEM AND LOVE PEARL JAM ALL YOU GOTTA DO IS.
-TRAIN "MMA" AKA 69ING WITH OTHER MEN WITH PANTS ON
-WEAR TIGHT SHIRTS MADE OUT OF TISSUE PAPER WITH FADED LOOKING TATTOOEY OLD DESIGNS ON THEM AND WORDS LIKE "LOYALTY" AND "HONOR" ON THEM.
-HAVE A PICKUP TRUCK WITH WHEELS BIGGER THAN MO'NIQUE'S NIPPLES.
-WEAR FLIP FLOPS FROM FEBRUARY-NOVEMBER.
-RIDE A "CHOPPER" BUT IT HAS TO BE AMERICAN IT CANT BE SOME SUZUKI OR SOME SHIT LIKE THAT, AND IF YOU CANT AFFORD ONE WEAR A HAT THAT SAYS SOMETHING THAT HAS TO DO WITH THEM.
-HAVE A HANDLEBAR MUSTACHE.
- A TATTOO OF AN EAGLE OR AMERICAN FLAG (OR A FUCKIN AMERICAN FLAG SHAPED LIKE AN EAGLE BRO!!)
IF YOU DO ANY 3 OF THESE YOU'RE KILLIN IT, IF YOU DO ALL 7 YOU IN THE BRO HALL OF FAME NIGGA OWWWW RIDE THAT STEROID WAVE NIGGA.
