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WHATS POPPIN? IN THIS INSTALLMENT OF MY WHITE PEOPLE DISCOVERY GUIDE I'LL BE SPEAKIN ON WHITE PEOPLE'S MATING TECHNIQUES. NAHMEAN? LIKE HOW THEY GET PUSSY & SHIT. "MERO WHAT ARE YOU TALKIN ABOUT? WHAT DO WHITE PEOPLE DO DIFFERENT WHEN THEY COURT FEMALES BRUH?" FOR REAL? HERE IT GO...
1- CLASSIFICATION: WHITE PEOPLE "DATE" NO OTHER PEOPLE BESIDES WHITE PEOPLE WILL BE LIKE "I'M DATING RACHEL, BUT ITS OPEN." IF YOU ASK ME I'D BE LIKE "I FUCK WIT RACHEL, NOT ON SOME WIFEY SHIT THOUGH WE JUST JUMP OFF ON WEEKENDS" SO OFF TOP YOU GOT USE OF THE WORD "DATING".
2-THIRST LEVEL: I'LL GO OUT WITH A CHICK AND THE NEXT DAY HIT HER UP LIKE " " (THATS BLANK CUZ IM NOT HITTIN HER UP)...WHITE GUYS WILL TEXT A BITCH IMMEJUTLY AFTER THE "DATE" ON SOME SHIT LIKE "I HAD AN AWESOME TIME! SUSHI WAS GREAT! SO WAS THE CONVERSATION! HOPE TO HEAR FROM YOU SOON RACHEL! BY THE WAY THAT'S A BEAUTIFUL NAME! AND SO ARE YOU! YOU'RE A BEAUTIFUL GIRL! OR SHOULD I SAY WOMAN? LOL!! JK!! TTYS!!" REALLY B? WHY DON'T YOU JUST PROPOSE TO THIS BITCH ON THE SPOT? NIGGA YOU STILL IN THE CAB ON THE WAY HOME! GIVE THE BROAD SOME TIME TO THINK ABOUT WHAT A NERD YOU ARE BEFORE YOU DRIVE IT HOME EMPHATICALLY WITH YOUR THIRSTINESS.
3- MIXTAPES: ALL MY NON-WHITE READERS ARE LIKE "WHAT DOES DJ DRAMA HAVE TO DO WITH DATING?" HE HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH DATING, BUT WHITE PEOPLE HAVE A DIFFERENT DEFINITION OF MIXTAPES. THIS IS WHAT I MEAN WHEN I SAY MIXTAPE AND THIS IS WHAT A WHITE PEOPLE MIXTAPE IS ALTHOUGH NOWADAYS ITS USUALLY ON A CD AND IT'S USUALLY CALLED SOMETHING WILD CORNY LIKE "FOR RACHEL, WITH UNDYING LOVE." OR "FOR WHEN YOU THINK OF ME." THIS IS HOW WHITE PEOPLE PROFESS THEIR LOVE FOR ONE ANOTHER. THAT SHIT BAFFLES ME BUT YO, IF YOU AIN'T WHITE YOU DON'T KNOW ABOUT THIS SO BE VERY CAREFUL. WHEN DEALING WITH A WHITE GIRL DO NOT BURN THE BITCH A CD, EVEN IF ITS A BOOTLEG COPY OF AVATAR. SHE'LL TAKE IT THE WRONG WAY AND POKE A HOLE IN THE CONDOM...(JUST KIDDING, ONLY BLACK BITCHES DO THAT.)
4- AGGRESSION: THIS IS ABOUT WHITE GIRLS, NOT WHITE DUDES. I DON'T KNOW WHERE IN WHITEOSITY THIS CAME FROM BUT THE ROLES GOT REVERSED AND WHITE BITCHES REALLY DO NOT GIVE A FUCK! THEY LAY ALL THEIR CARDS ON THE TABLE. IF IM UPTOWN TALKIN TO SOME PUERTO RICAN BROAD AT A BAR AND I'M MACKIN IT, EVEN IF IN HER HEAD SHE'S THINKIN "I WANNA BLOW THIS GUY IN A STALL RIGHT NOW MY PUSSY IS WETTER THAN NEW ORLEANS GEORGE BUSH DOESN'T CARE ABOUT BLACK PEOPLE" SHE WILL ACT LIKE IM ANNOYING UNTIL I PRY THE BITCH OPEN WITH SOME PATRON AND HENNESSY...MEANWHILE IF I'M AT A BAR WITH A WHITE BITCH BEFORE MY SECOND HEINEKEN SHORTY IS SHOVING ME INTO THE BATHROOM AND CHOKING ME WITH HER THONG. WHITE DUDES CRY AND DO MIXTAPES, WHITE GIRLS WILL RAPE YOU. THEY WILL ALSO ASK YOU OUT, NO FUCKIN PROBLEM. ANY OTHER SPECIES OF BITCHES WILL NOT ASK YOU OUT. NOT NEVER! UNLESS YOU'RE A PROFESSIONAL ATHLETE OR HAVE MORE THAN TWO COMMAS IN YOUR CHECKING ACCOUNT BALANCE.
5- LOCATION: WHITE PEOPLE ARE THE ONLY PEOPLE WHO WILL TAKE A YOGA CLASS TOGETHER AS A "DATE". IM ASKIN A BITCH IF SHE WANTS TO GET SOMETHIN TO EAT AND ETHAN IS ASKING A BITCH IF SHE WANTS TO GO ROCK CLIMBING. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET TO KNOW THIS BITCH IF I GOT MY LEG BEHIND MY HEAD AND I'M TRYIN NOT TO FART WHILE I LAY ON THIS BAMBOO MAT IN SOME GAY ASS PANTS LISTENING TO FLUTES AND RIVERS? ARE WE GONNA HAVE A CONVERSATION WHILE I GOT A HARNESS SQUEEZIN MY NUTS AND I'M WEARIN WATER SHOES CLIMBIN UP THIS FAKE MOUNTAIN? FUCK OUTTA HERE.
AND THIS IS JUST THE TIP OF THE ICEBERG B. DON'T GET ME STARTED. STAPLE THIS TO PART ONE AND GET READY CUZ WHEN I GET MY PHD IN CAUCASIANS IMA START TEACHIN YALL AND THIS IS FINNA BE REQUIRED READING.
ALSO POSTED ON "LOVE IN THE DUMPS" SO SHOUTOUT TO THEM!!
YO FIRST AND FOREMOST IF YALL DIDNT KNOW, GURU FROM GANGSTARR ONE OF THE MOST INFLUENTIAL GROUPS IN HIPHOP HISTORY PASSED AWAY LAST WEEK SO RIP TO HIM, DUDE WAS A LEGEND...THE REASON IM WRITIN THIS THOUGH IS CUZ THIS NIGGA UP THERE THAT LOOKS LIKE ARTHUR WITH A PUERTO RICAN MUSTACHE EXPECTS ME TO BELIEVE THAT THIS LETTER WAS WRITTEN BY GURU.COME ON MY NIGGA, FOR REAL? YOU REACHIN. GURU CALLED YOU HIS "PARTNER" 128 TIMES IN A 2 PARAGRAPH LETTER? HE'S LEAVIN YOU IN CHARGE OF HIS KIDS? I UNDERSTAND YOU TRYNA GET PAID BUT DAMN NIGGA THIS IS SOME NEXT SHIT. LIKE ME DYIN AND BEIN LIKE "MY POPS HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH MY EXISTENCE, I DO NOT SHARE A CHROMOSOME WITH HIM THEREFORE IM LEAVING MY ESTATE TO MY NIGGA JIMMY THAT WAS IN MY HISTORY CLASS MY SOPHOMORE YEAR OF HIGH SCHOOL" TRUE STORY IM PRETTY AWARE OF WHATS GOIN ON IN HIPHOP AND I NEVER ONCE HEARD THIS NIGGA NAME TILL GURU CROAKED. I THOUGHT IT WAS THAT FRENCH(?) NIGGA THAT RAPS (NOT TONY PARKER, THE OTHER NIGGA WHO NAME IS SOLAR)I ALSO THINK THIS SHIT IS BULLSHIT CUZ "GURU" SLAYS PREMO TO THE 12TH POWER B. IF IM ABOUT TO DIE I DONT GIVE A FUCK WHO I HAD "BEEF" WITH. IM ABOUT TO DIE NIGGA! I DONT GIVE A SHIT ABOUT NO FUCKIN BEEF! IM TRYIN TO SAY TTYL TO ALL HUMAN BEINGS THAT WAS A PART OF MY LIFE AND MAKE SURE MY KIDS & SHIT IS TAKEN CARE OF WHEN I GO PLAY SPADES WITH 72 VIRGINS. THIS NIGGA SOLAR IS TRYIN TO BLOCK PREMO FROM MAKIN EVEN ONE CENT OFF THIS SHIT WHICH EVEN IF THE NIGGA IS A SCUMBAG I DOUBT HE'S TRYNA DO. HE'S NOT DIDDY AND GURU WASN'T BIG. PLUS ON SOME REAL SHIT I DONT THINK THE PHRASE "EX-DJ" WOULDA CAME OUTTA GURU'S MOUTH ANYWAY PAUSE.NIGGA WAS PROBABLY SITTIN THERE ON SOME WEEKEND AT BERNIE'S SHIT TALKIN TO HIMSELF WITH A NETBOOK LIKE "YEAH GU, PREMIER IS A JERK! I SHOULD GET ALL THE RIGHTS TO YOUR NAME AND LIKENESS CUZ WE'RE PARTNERS! RIGHT GU? *MAD MONOTONE* WORD THE GIFTED UNLIMITED PROCLAIMS YOU, SOLAR TO BE MY PROXY IN THIS LIFE BEFORE I PASS ON TO ALLAH." GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE NIGGA! STOP LYIN! GURU WAS PROBABLY IN A COMA SINCE HE HAD THAT HEART ATTACK THAT NIGGA AINT WRITE SHIT.NIGGAS ON TWITTER ARE FURIOUS ABOUT THIS SHIT TOO. PERSONALLY I THINK ITS CORNY BUT THATS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN NIGGAS DIE MAN, SHIT IS LIKE MONEY GETS THROWN UP AND EVERYBODY TRYNA GRAB WHAT THEY CAN. BUT GURU? I PROBABALY GOT MORE IN MY CHECKING ACCOUNT RIGHT NOW THAN GURU MADE OFF JAZZMATAZZ VOL 7. FUCK YOU TRYNA GET? HIS KANGOL COLLECTION? HIS BAGGY SLACKS? GO FUCK YOURSELF YOU RODENT LOOKING NIGGA, YOU'RE TARNISHING GURU'S LEGACY B.
LOOK AT THIS COOL BITCH, SHE'S MAD CONFUSED SHE DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO ON HER FIRST "DATE" WITH SOME BASS PLAYER GUY...YO SO I TOLD DUDES WHAT TO DO AND WHAT NOT TO DO ON THE FIRST DATE TIP AND LIKE I SAID I'M NOT A SEXIST B. I'M FOR THE PEOPLE AND YALL WOMEN IS PEOPLE TOO. SO BONG, LEMME PUT YOU ON. THIS IS GONNA BE STRAIGHT LIST FORMAT CUZ MY GIRL IS ALWAYS TELLIN ME I'M NOT ORGANIZED AND SHIT SO THIS IS FINNA BE REAL ORGANIZATIONALIZED.DO NOT:-WEAR SOMETHING MAD SCANDALOUS WITH YOUR TITTIES FALLING OUT AND THEN BE MAD WHEN I'M MAKING EYE CONTACT WITH YOUR NIPPLES. THAT SHIT IS THE ILL DISTRACTION B LIKE A FUCKIN HELICOPTER FLYIN OVER US THE WHOLE TIME B I CANT FUCKIN CONCENTRATE AND I'M NOT LISTENIN TO SHIT YOU SAYIN ABOUT YOUR STUDY ABROAD SHIT IN DENMARK BITCH CUZ ALL I CAN THINK ABOUT IS SMACKIN MY DICK ON YOUR TITS CUZ THEY WAVIN AT ME.-BE ON YOUR FUCKIN SIDEKICK/BLACKBERRY/IPHONE THE WHOLE FUCKIN TIME. GO TO THE BATHROOM IF YOU WANNA ASK YOUR HOMEGIRLS IF YOU SHOULD FUCK ME OR NOT B. THAT'S WILD RUDE! I'M TALKIN ABOUT MAD IMPORTANT SHIT AND YOU SITTIN THERE LIKE THIS A FUCKIN INTERVIEW AND YOUR PHONE IS THE NOTEPAD. BITCH I'M BOUT TO END THIS WITH ASSAULT AND ROBBERY INSTEAD OF DIVORCE.-GET WILD DRUNK/FUCKED UP. IF THE NIGGA YOUR WITH IS SMART YOU SHOULDN'T BE AT A BAR ANYWAY BUT JUST IN CASE HE AIN'T AND YOU'RE AT FUCKIN PADDY McDRUNK'S DRINKIN IRISH CARBOMBS, NURSE THAT FUCKIN BEER BITCH! IF YOU GET DRUNK AND FUCK THIS NIGGA YOU GONNA WAKE UP THE NEXT DAY FEELIN NAKED AND ASHAMED TRYNA FIGURE OUT HOW YOU GONNA GET HOME AND YOUR BREATH STINK CUZ YOU DON'T GOT A TOOTHBRUSH AND IF YOU DO CARRY A TOOTHBRUSH FOR SITUATIONS LIKE THAT THEN YOU THE MEAN SLUT, AND I LIKE YOUR STYLE. SAME AS FOR DUDES, YOU NEED TO BE ON POINT OR YOU MIGHT END UP IN SOME BASEMENT MAD SCARED THINKIN YOU BOUT TO GET...-RAPED. DO NOT TALK ABOUT THIS SHIT MA! DO NOT TALK ABOUT YOUR ABORTION AND HOW IT CHANGED YOUR LIFE! WE AT FUCKIN DAVE & BUSTERS BITCH LETS GO SIT IN THE JURASSIC PARK CAR AND SHOOT SOME DINOSAURS BITCH I DO NOT WANT TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR MOM DYIN FROM CANCER I JUST SMOKED A BLUNT BEFORE I GOT HERE AND YOU 100% BLOWIN MINE RIGHT NOW!! FUCK YOU WANT ME TO SAY BESIDES "WOW...THAT MUSTA BEEN HARD..."?! CUZ THAT'S ALL YOU GON HEAR 27 TIMES IN A ROW.DO:-TALK ABOUT YOURSELF, YOU GOTTA SAY SOMETHING, BUT KEEP IT BASIC. WHAT YOU DO, WHERE YOU WENT TO SCHOOL IF YOU DID, BASICALLY THE FORMULA IS, THE STUFF THAT YOU WOULD LET THE PUBLIC SEE ON YOUR FACEBOOK. LIKE I SAID I DON'T WANNA HEAR ABOUT YOUR ABORTION OR THE WEIRD RELIGION YOU JUST GOT INTO. I DON'T CARE! KEEP THE CONVERSATION FLOWIN CUZ THEM LONG PAUSES MAKE NIGGAS FEEL LIKE THEY SADDAM AT THE FUCKIN GALLOWS BOUT TO HANG TEN B.-TOUCH, IF YOU LIKE THE DUDE APPEARANCEWISE THEN LET HIM KNOW. YOU DON'T GOTTA SAY THE SHIT BUT NIGGAS KNOW, WE PICK UP SIGNS...IF YOU SITTIN ACROSS AND YOU AGREE WITH SOME SHIT I SAID TOUCH MY HAND BITCH! BE LIKE "I KNOOOOWW!" AND DO THE LITTLE HAND TOUCH. LITTLE SHIT LIKE THAT SO THE NIGGA DOESN'T FEEL LIKE BEN ROETHLISBERGER AT LAKE TAHOE.-ASK QUESTIONS, I DON'T CARE IF YOU'RE HILLARY CLINTON, I NEED TO FEEL IMPORTANT RIGHT NOW IF YOU WANT ME TO CALL YOU BACK. LEMME GET SOME JUICE. ASK ME WHAT I'M DOIN AND IF I SAY I AIN'T DOIN SHIT THEN I AIN'T SHIT AND YOU SHOULD WALK OUT RIGHT NOW ON SOME BLIND DATE SHIT. KEEP IT BASIC THOUGH, DON'T ASK ME WHAT I THINK OF OBAMA'S POLICIES AND TRY TO GET INTO A FUCKIN DEBATE WITH ME RIGHT NOW BITCH WE'RE CHILLIN. LETS SAVE THAT FOR LATER.-WASH YOUR BAGINA. JUST IN CASE, NAHMEAN? I DON'T WANNA TAKE YOU HOME AND BEFORE YOUR PANTS IS ALL THE WAY OFF I GET SMACKED IN THE GRILL WITH THE "TUNA FISH IN TUPPERWARE WITH A BANANA PEEL ON TOP" SMELL THATS SO BAD MY NOSE WALKS OFF MY FACE LIKE "NIGGA FUCK YOU I'M DONE WITH THIS...THIS SOME BULLSHIT!!"THATS ALL I CAN THINK OF, SOME OF THE SHIT IS OBVIOUS BUT YOU'D BE SURPRISED B. SOME BITCHES WILL GO MEET A NIGGA IN SWEATPANTS AND TUESDAY PUSSY (ON WEDNESDAY).
YO SO ONE OF MY FIRST POSTS WAS A RELATIONSHIP ADVICE JOINT AND NIGGAS BEEN ASKIN FOR SOMETHING IN A SIMYULAR VEIN. SO IMA SCHOOL YALL NIGGAS ON HOW TO NOT MAKE YOUR FIRST DATE WITH A BITCH/NIGGA A LAST DATE. MALES AND FEMALES CUZ IM NOT SEXIST YOU KNOW? FEMALES IS GONNA BE PT. 2 THOUGH, CANT GIVE YALL NIGGAS TOO MUCH AT ONCE B YOU MIGHT OD ON KNOWLEDGE.OFF TOP I'M GONNA TELL YOU TAKIN A BITCH TO A BAR IS A HORRIBLE IDEA, ESPECIALLY IF YOU A NERVOUS TYPE OF DUDE. THERES A COUPLE REASONS WHY BUT THE MOST IMPORTANT ONE IS THAT YOU FINNA GET DRUNK. THE FIRST TIME YOU CHILL WITH A BITCH YOU SHOULD NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES GET WILD FUCKED UP LIKE YOU DO WHEN YOU'RE CHILLIN WITH SOME OF YOUR NIGGAS. THIS BITCH IS GONNA BE DISGUSTED BY YOU CUZ YOU GONNA BE SLURRING OR SAYING SOME OUTTA CHARACTER SHIT AND JUST LOOKIN MAD SLOPPY LIKE A 13 YEAR OLD DRINKIN 4LOKO'S AND THROWIN UP AND SHIT. I'M SAYIN IF YOU THE NERVOUS TYPE YOU MIGHT WANNA GET A LITTLE BUZZ RIGHT? RELAX A LITTLE? NO! THIS IS HOW YOU GONNA FUCK YOUR WHOLE NIGHT UP. YOU GONNA BE BUZZED AND FEELIN GOOD AND YOU GONNA KEEP DRINKIN TILL YOU SOUND LIKE SYLVESTER STALLONE ON MAD XANYS AND YOU WONT EVEN REALIZE IT TILL THE NEXT MORNING WHEN YOU TEXT THE BITCH AND SHE TEXTS YOU BACK LIKE " " (THAT'S A BLANK QUOTE CUZ THE BITCH AINT GONNA TEXT YOU BACK. SHE JUST STORED YOU IN HER PHONE AS "DONT PICK UP")MATTERFACT IM GONNA EXPAND THIS TO "DONT DO DRUGS" PERIOD CUZ NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO YOU'RE GONNA OVERDO IT. UNLESS SHORTY IS TRYIN TO GET FUCKED UP IN WHICH CASE WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU ON A DATE? THIS BITCH IS TRYNA FUCK! STOP READIN THIS RIGHT NOW AND CALL YOUR WEEDMAN AND YOUR PILL&COKE MAN IMMEJUTLY AND DOUBLE THE USUAL.BUT IF YOU ACTUALLY TRYIN TO GET TO KNOW A BROAD YOU NEED TO BE SOBER SO YOU CAN PICK UP ON CUES JUST IN CASE YOU WANNA MAKE IT YOUR LAST DATE. IF YOURE DRUNK & ON 9 PERCOSETS YOU PROLLY WONT NOTICE THE BITCH HAS SOME WEIRD DEALBREAKER FLAW LIKE A CRAZY DIESEL WART ON HER NECK OR A LAZY EYE OR A PENIS. YOU ALSO WONT REMEMBER THE CONVERSATION IF YOU'RE ON 3 XANAX SO RED FLAGS LIKE HER TALKIN ABOUT HER GETTIN RAPED (FOR REAL MA? ON A FIRST DATE? YOU BLOWIN MINE!) OR THAT ONE TIME SHE GOT "SOOOOO DRUNK OMG!" THAT NIGGAS RAN A TRAIN ON HER IN HER DORM ROOM WHILE HER ROOMMATE WATCHED WILL GO UNNOTICED. YOU GOTTA BE ON POINT.DONT TAKE THE BITCH SOMEWHERE LOUD, AND DONT TAKE HER OUT TO EAT A FULL MEAL, CUZ THAT SHIT IS EXPENSIVE B, AND YOU DONT WANNA SET THAT PRECEDENT...WHERE THE BITCH THINKS EVERYTIME YOU GO OUT YOU ORDERING VINTAGE WINES AND EATIN BABY BELUGA DICKS FROM THAILAND AT 80 A POP. HELL NO, TAKE THAT BITCH OUT FOR A FUCKIN SNACK AND TALK TO HER FOR 30 MINUTES."TALK ABOUT WHAT MERO?" DONT TALK ABOUT SHIT NIGGA! LET HER TALK, SHE'LL BLOW UP HER SPOT SOON ENOUGH, AND IF SHE DOESN'T THE FIRST TIME YALL GET TOGETHER THEN YOU GOT LUCKY AND FOUND A BITCH WITH A LOW LEVEL OF "CRAZYBITCHASE" ENZYME IN HER BRAIN FLUID SYSTEM. IM NOT SAYIN SIT THERE LIKE HEATH LEDGER, YOU GOTTA SAY SOMETHIN BUT HERE'S SHIT YOU DONT TALK ABOUT.-YOUR EX BITCH...IF SHE BRINGS IT UP JUST BE LIKE "SHIT WASNT WORKIN OUT, WE BOTH MOVED ON" NO NEED TO GET INTO DETAILS ABOUT HER JUMPIN IN YOUR CAR AND CRASHIN IT ON PURPOSE OR YOU BEATIN HER EXTENSIONS OFF CUZ SHE SLAMMED A DOOR IN YOUR FACE-YOUR CRIMINAL RECORD/OPEN CASES...BITCHES DO NOT WANNA HEAR ABOUT THAT SHIT DOG, TRUST ME, ONLY NIGGAS ARE IMPRESSED BY THAT TYPE OF NONSENSE. DUMB NIGGAS. ALSO, DONT ACT LIKE YOU GOT A PHD FROM HARVARD NIGGA, YOU WAS IN FUCKING JAIL. YOU DIDNT ACCOMPLISH SHIT.-HEAVY SHIT...ABORTION, RAPE, RELIGION, POLITICS IN GENERAL. DONT TOUCH THIS SHIT YET B, SAVE THAT FOR WHEN YOU'RE BOTH SMOKIN MAD WEED AND LISTENING TO WHATEVER SHERM INTELLECTUAL MUSIC SHE'S INTOTALK ABOUT REGULAR SHIT, YOUR JOB, SHIT YOU'RE WORKIN ON, AND ASK HER WHAT SHE'S WORKIN ON/DOIN IN HER LIFE. EVEN IF SHE AINT DOIN SHIT DONT ACT LIKE SHE AINT DOIN SHIT. KEEP IT LIGHT B.ALSO I FEEL LIKE SMASHIN IS OPTIONAL, DONT BE MAD THIRSTY AND TOUCHY AND SHIT CUZ SHORTY IS GONNA THINK YOU THE ILL PERVERT. IF SHE'S BEIN AGGRESSIVE THOUGH, GO WIT THE FLOW MY NIGGA, IF YOU AINT FEELIN SHORTY AT ALL ITS COOL TO SHUT HER DOWN BUT DONT DO IT ON SOME ASSHOLE SHIT CUZ THEN WHEN YOU MEET HER HOMEGIRL AT A PARTY AND THAT BITCH IS BADDER THAN EVERY BITCH THAT WAS EVER IN YOUR FIELD OF VISION YOU GONNA BE SICK. GIRLS TIP THEY HOMEGIRLS OFF AND YOU'RE GONNA BE "THAT ASSHOLE THAT WAS AN ASSHOLE TO DANIELLE" AKA "FUCKIN DICK I FORGOT HIS NAME". YOU NOT FINNA GET NO PLAY. SO DONT DISS A BITCH UNLESS YOU ALREADY MET ALL HER FRIENDS (WHICH YOU NEVER WILL SO JUST DONT DO IT.)IF YOU FOLLOW THIS LIKE A BIBLE YOU GOOD $ AND THATS WORD TO TORONTO.
WHY DO NIGGAS CARE ABOUT ABOUT THIS MOTORCYCLE WRESTLER NIGGA CHEATING ON SANDRA BULLOCK? I WENT TO THE SUPERMARKET ON SUNDAY TO REUP ON FUCKIN COCOA PEBBLES AND PLATANOS AND THIS BITCH IS ON THE FRONT PAGE OF EVERY MAGAZINE LOOKIN LIKE SHE JUST CRIED TALKIN ABOUT "JESSE IS A MONSTER" OR SOME OTHER SIMILAR SHIT. FIRST OF ALL, OBVIOUSLY THE NIGGA IS GONNA FUCK SOME DIRTBAG BITCH THATS COVERED IN TATTOOS, HE'S A DIRTBAG NIGGA COVERED IN TATTOOS! TATTOO NIGGAS LIKE TATTOO BITCHES.
SANDRA, PERSONALLY ID DUMP ON YOUR CHEEKS EARLY BUT YOU LOOK LIKE YOU TEACH SOCIOLOGY AT A PRIVATE COLLEGE B. LIKE IF YOU WAS MY POLITICAL SCIENCE PROFFESOR ID TURN TO THE NIGGA NEXT TO ME AND BE LIKE "ID FUCK THE OLIGARCHY OUT THAT BITCH MY NIGGA." BUT YALL NIGGAS DID NOT MATCH AT ALL. LIKE IF I WIFED UP A 46 YEAR OLD KOREAN MATH TEACHER (FROM KOREA) NIGGAS WOULD BE LIKE "FUCK IS YOU DOIN 5?"...THAT NIGGA IS THE "BRO" JESUS AND YOU JUST SOME RICH LOOKIN RICH BITCH THAT WAS IN MOVIES I NEVER SEEN. YOU NOT "BRO" MATERIAL, YOU NEED FAKE TITS AND AT LEAST A TRAMP STAMP AS FAR AS TATTOOS. YOU ALSO NEED TO EITHER BE WHITER THAN SKIM MILK IN THE SUN OR BE ORANGE VIA TAN SO YOUR SKIN HAS THE SAME TEXTURE AS MY LOUIS LUGGAGE.
YALL WAS APPLES & ORANGES! THE FUCK DID YALL NIGGAS TALK ABOUT? YOUR TAX RETURNS? THE WEATHER? HIS EXWIFE/BABYMOMS WHO CAN CURRENTLY BE SEEN SUCKIN WILD DICK ON PORNHUB? THEN THIS NIGGA TURNED OUT TO BE A NAZI ON SOME OTHER SHIT AND THE BITCH HE WAS FUCKIN WAS ALSO ON SOME NAZI FLOW...BUT THAT'S EXPECTED, THAT'S WHAT WHITE PEOPLE DO WHEN THEY FEEL SCARED AND ALIENATED CUZ AMERICA IS MAD DIVERSE & SHIT...NIGGAS JUST GET ON SOME "FUCK NIGGERS & JEWS...&MEXAKINS!!!!" TYPE SHIT. I BET HITLER WAS MAD PUSSY IN REAL LIFE. NIGGA MUSTACHE EVEN LOOKS PUSSY. NIGGA WEARIN A KHAKI SUIT WITH A ARMBAND LIKE HE RUNNIN IN A MARATHON SPONSORED BY DOCKERS OR SOME SHIT. MAD ASS B. IF I WALK THROUGH THE HOOD DOIN THAT TOY SOLDIER MARCH NIGGAS DID AND WEARIN A KHAKI SUIT NIGGAS WOULD BE LIKE "MERO? THAT YOU MY NIGGA? YOU LOOK MAD SHERM WE GOTTA ROB YOU NOW..YOUR MUSTACHE IS LOOKIN WILD PUSSY."
I'M SAYIN I WENT OFF ON A TANGENT BUT BITCHES NEED TO STAY IN THEY LANE, ESPECIALLY RICH BITCHES. FUCK A RICH NIGGA! A NIGGA THAT WAS BORN RICH TOO NOT A NIGGA THAT GOT RICH BY MAKIN WEIRD BICYCLES WITH ENGINES FOR NIGGAS WITH TINY DICKS. SO THAT WAY HE KNOWS ABOUT THAT LIFE AND ISN'T JUST FUCKIN EVERY BITCH IN FRONT OF HIM CUZ WHEN HE WAS 16 AND WASN'T SHIT HE HAD TO PAY BITCHES TO FUCK HIM OR LIGHT UP MAD METH.
MEMBER THAT FATMAN SCOOP SHIT? NOT THE ONE WITH THE FAITH EVANS PART, THE OTHER JOINT WITH THE MOBB DEEP BEAT ALL SPED UP. WHY CANT I FIND THAT SHIT NOWHERE ON YOUTUBE?? DO I GOTTA GO TO A TEEN NIGHT TO HEAR THAT SHIT? THROW ME A LINK IN THE COMMENTS IF YOU FIND IT. THAT SHIT MAKES ME LOL ON SOME REAL LIFE SHIT...ANYWAY... how do you feel about white guys in the hood/white guys with quote unquote "hood passes" ranging from everyday white dudes you see out and about to white guys in the music business? CONTRARY TO POPULAR BELIEF I DON'T HAVE NO PROBLEM WITH WHITE PEOPLE B, I LIKE WHITE PEOPLE. MOST OF THEM ARE MAD FRIENDLY AND ALWAYS WANNA BUY ME A BEER. YOU WOULD THINK A WIGGER DRESSED LIKE JIM JONES IN THE "LET ME KNOW" VIDEO WOULD PISS ME OFF. BUT IT DON'T!! WIGGERS ARE FUNNY B, THEY MAKE ME LAUGH. ME BEING MAD AT A WIGGER IS LIKE ME BEING MAD AT ROB STAPLETON FOR TELLING ME A FUNNY JOKE.
THERE'S DIFFERENT KINDS OF WHITE PEOPLE THOUGH SO I FEEL LIKE MAYBE I GOTTA OUTLINE IT FOR NIGGAS SO THEY MIGHT COULD UNDERSTAND THE OUTSIDE PERSPECTIVE.
-WIGGERS: WIGGERS ARE WIGGERS B. THEY'RE DIFFERENT FROM WHITE DUDES THAT LIVE IN THE HOOD (AND BY LIVE I MEAN ARE BORN THERE) BECAUSE THEY AIN'T FROM THE HOOD BUT THEY WOULD LOVE TO BE FROM THE HOOD...UNTIL THEY FIND OUT THAT THE HOOD SUCKS AND IS WILD DANGEROUS ESPESICFICALLY FOR CAUCASIANS. THEY ARE 99.9% OF THE TIME MAD FRAUDULENT AND IRONICALLY ONLY CALL OTHER WHITE PEOPLE "NIGGAS". THEY ARE FUNNY TO WATCH THOUGH B, LIKE A FAT DUDE GETTIN ON A BUS. IF YOU LATINO OR BLACK AND SOMEHOW FIND YOURSELF IN A SITUATION WITH MAD WIGGERS, YOU HIT THE JACKPOT 5, YOU BOUT TO GET LIT UP ON WEED AND DRINK FOR FREE TO YOUR HEARTS CONTENT MY NIGGA, JUST BE PREPARED TO TAKE MAD PICTURES THROWIN UP GANGSIGNS YOU NEVER SAW BEFORE (CUZ THEY DON'T EXIST). ALSO BE PREPARED TO PRETEND YOU KNEW BIGGIE.
-BROS: THESE NIGGAS LOVE UFC AND PICKUP TRUCKS AND AFFLICTION SHIRTS AND HAIR PRODUCTS LIKE I LOVE CHOCOLATE CAKE WITH PUSSY SPRINKLES. THESE NIGGAS WORK OUT MORE THAN I JERK OFF AND SMOKE WEED COMBINED. NIGGAS ADD 2 EXTRA HOURS TO A DAY TO SPEND 2 MORE HOURS "WORKIN ON MY QUADS BRAH". THEY LISTEN TO PROBABLY THE WORST MUSIC OUT OF ALL THE WHITE PEOPLE SPECIES EXCEPT "COOL" WHITE PEOPLE. NIGGAS HAVE EVERY AKON ALBUM!! THEY HAVE AN OD AMOUNT OF TATTOOS, ONE OF WHICH IS ALWAYS A SLEEVE WITH JAPANESE FISH JUMPIN OUTTA SOME WATER AND SOME FLOWERS IN THERE TO SHOW THEY FEMININE SIDE. THEN THE REST OF THEM LOOKS LIKE A "BLAC LABEL" SHIRT. NIGGAS GOT EVERY BRO WORD TATTED ON THEYSELF. "STRENGTH" "LOYALTY" "RESPECT" "DEATH BEFORE DISHONOR" "LIBERTY" AND EVERY OTHER WORD THOMAS JEFFERSON OR A SAMURAI EVER SAID. 5 TIMES OUT OF 10 THESE NIGGAS WAS IN SOME BRANCH OF THE MILITARY AND EVEN IF THEY NEVER ONCE SAW A BULLET FLY FOR REAL THEY HAVE MAD TATTOOS TO COMMEMORATE IT. 85% OF THESE NIGGAS NEVER GOT INTO A FIGHT.
"COOL" WHITE NIGGAS AKA HIPSTERS: THE WORD HIPSTER IS PLAYED OUT SO I JUST CALL HIPSTERS COOL WHITE PEOPLE CUZ THEY LIKE THE PINNACLE OF COOL FOR A WHITE NIGGA. IF EVERY PUERTO RICAN WANTS TO BE DADDY YANKEE AND EVERY BLACK DUDE WANTS TO BE JAY-Z THEN EVERY WHITE DUDE WANTS TO BE ONE OF THESE NIGGAS. COOL WHITE PEOPLE LOVE DIRTY LOOKING CLOTHES AND KICKS. THE MOST IMPORTANT THING TO A CWP IS LOOKIN LIKE THEY DONT GIVE A FUCK (AND LIVING IN BROOKLYN)...THE ONLY FOR A CWP TO TRUMP A CWP LIVING IN BROOKLYN IS TO LIVE IN THE BRONX...AND YO IF YOU ON MY TWITTER YOU ALREADY KNOW, NIGGAS IS OUT HEAVY IN THE SOUTH BRONX!! ON BACK BLOCKS WHERE CRACKHEADS USED TO SMOKE CRACK THERES A WHITE GUY WALKING A MALTIPOO WEARING RAYBANS AT 4AM LIKE HE DON'T KNOW NO BETTER. CWP'S LOVE MINORITIES THOUGH, THIS THEY HAVE IN COMMON WITH THE WIGGER SPECIES. EXCEPT THEY HAVE MORE DRUGS SO IF YOU FIND YOURSELF WITH MAD COOL WHITE PEOPLE THEN PREPARE TO EAT MAD XANAX & PERCOSET & SNIFF MAD YAK & SMOKE OD FIRE WEED & WASH IT ALL DOWN WITH MAD WINE AND MICROBREW. IF YOU AN ASIAN BITCH AND YOU BUMP INTO ONE OF THESE NIGGAS AND HE GOT BREAD (HIS PARENTS ARE FROM VERMONT, THEY GOT BREAD) DON'T GO ANYWHERE TILL YOU HAVE POSITIVE CASH FLOW. THESE NIGGAS LOVE ASIAN BITCHES MORE THAN ASIAN NIGGAS LOVE ASIAN BITCHES AND MORE THAN BRO'S LOVE WATCHING TWO NIGGAS IN BOXER BRIEFS FRENCH KISS EACHOTHER TOES. SO YOU ALREADY KNOW THEY FINNA TRICK. THEY LOVE THE WORST MUSIC OF ALL THE WP SPECIES. IF YOU START A BAND IN WILLIAMSBURG AND LOOK LIKE THE NIGGAS IN THE FIRST LINK AND CALL THE SHIT SOMETHING LIKE "ROAST PORK CONUNDRUM" AND MAKE ALL YOUR MUSIC SOUND LIKE A CHURCH CHOIR OF WHITE MASTER P'S, OR A NIGGA PUNCHING A PIANO AND AN EMPTY OIL DRUM WHILE READING POETRY MAD FAST ABOUT TO FAINT THEN NIGGAS WILL HAIL YOU AS THE FUTURE OF MUSIC. OF ALL WHITE PEOPLE SPECIES THESE ARE PROBABLY THE MOST HARMLESS. IF YOU START DRAMA WITH THEM ALL THEY GONNA DO IS SAY YOUR BLOG IS WACK...ANONYMOUSLY. WHITE TRASH: I SAID IT BEFORE AND ILL SAY IT AGAIN, I DONT KNOW NOTHIN ABOUT WHITE TRASH EXCEPT WHAT I SEEN ON TV. I GUESS WHITE TRASH IS BASICALLY LIKE THE WHITE VERSION OF HOODRATS? EXCEPT THEY FUCK THEY SISTERS INSTEAD OF THE BITCH IN 5B THAT EVERYBODY FUCKS, CUZ THEY LIVE IN A HOUSE ON WHEELS. I HEARD THEY LOVE FAST FOOD AND TAKIN A WHITE TRASH BITCH TO APPLEBEES IS LIKE TAKIN HER TO LE BERNARDIN AND BUYIN 16 BOTTLES OF PINOT G. THEY LOVE HOMEMADE IMPROVISED DRUGS AND HATE BLACK PEOPLE (ALOT). EVERY LATINO IS "MEXAKIN" (THEY HATE THEM TOO) AND NASCAR IS THEY OFFICIAL "SPORT"...ALSO SOMETHING I BET YOU DIDNT KNOW, WHEN A WHITE TRASH BITCH GETS PREGNANT AND BEGINS LACTATING THE LEFT TITTY PRODUCES COORS LIGHT AND THE RIGHT TITTY PRODUCES MOUNTAIN DEW.
REGULAR WHITE DUDES: ALTHOUGH WHITE PEOPLE LACK THE SWAG GENE, REGULAR WHITE DUDES HAVE THE ANTISWAG GENE, THEY HAVE NO TYPE OF FLOW WHATSOEVER EXCEPT FOR BEING A REGULAR WHITE DUDE. THEY WEAR CLOTHING BY A STRICT SET OF RULES, WHICH IS "THIS IS WHAT WAS ON TOP WHEN I OPENED MY "TOPS" DRAWER AND THIS IS WHAT WAS ON TOP WHEN I OPENED MY "PANTS" DRAWER." THEY WILL WEAR THE SAME SNEAKERS FOR 15 YEARS AND WEAR HATS BASED ON TEAM AFFILIATION. THEY WILL NEVER EVER EVER EVER WEAR A HAT "BECAUSE IT MATCHES" SO IF THE NIGGA IS A CUBS FAN HE'S WEARIN THAT CUBS HAT, HE DONT GIVE A FUCK THAT HIS SHIRT IS GREEN. THERE AINT REALLY MUCH TO SAY ABOUT THESE NIGGAS EXCEPT MOST OF THEM WORK FOR THE PHONE COMPANY OR POWER COMPANY AND THEY DRINK BUDWEISER LIKE THE SHIT IS A SUPERFOOD WITH OMEGA3 TRIGLYCERIDE ANTIOXIDANTS.
WHITE GUYS IN THE MUSIC BUSINESS? THAT SHIT IS SO ALL OVER THE PLACE THAT I CANT SAY WHETHER I LIKE OR DISLIKE THE NIGGAS. CUZ A NIGGA LIKE ROBIN THICKE WILL CONVINCE YOU THAT WHITE NIGGAS GOT OD SWAG AND BAG BITCHES AND ALL THAT, THEN YOU GOT A LITTLE BABYDICK BIRDMOUTH NIGGA LIKE EMINEM THAT YOU KNOW IS ANGRY AT EVERYONE FOR GETTIN POUNDED OUT THROUGHOUT HIS YUTE. HE MAKES WHITE PEOPLE LOOK BAD. THE NIGGA RELEASED AN ALBUM ON A MAJOR LABEL WHERE HE HAS A SONG THAT THE HOOK WAS "SHOVE A GERBIL IN YOUR ASS THROUGH A TUBE" COME ON B. THATS NOT POPPIN. FOR EVERY WHITE PERSON THAT IS ACCEPTABLE MUSICALLY YOU GOT A NIGGA LIKE MARILYN MANSON WEARIN FAKE TITS ON STAGE AND JERKIN OFF AS A SKIT ON HIS ALBUM. IF I WAS RICH I WOULD HIRE THAT NIGGA TO COME TO MY CRIB AND ME AND ALL MY NIGGAS WOULD TAKE TURNS PUNCHIN HIM IN THE CHEST. THEN I WOULD MAKE THE SHIT A WEEKLY AT A CLUB AND HAVE OPEN BAR AND EVERYONE COULD COME AND PUNCH THAT NIGGA IN THE CHEST TILL HIS EYEBALLS POP OUT. THEN YOU GOT NIGGAS THAT TRY WAY TOO HARD WAY TOO EARLY AND FAIL.
BASICALLY, IF YOU WHITE, BE WHITE. YOU CAN LISTEN TO WHATEVER YOU WANT AND WEAR WHATEVER YOU WANT, I CERTAINLY DON'T GIVE A FUCK. I'M SAYIN I MIGHT CLOWN YOU A LITTLE BIT BUT THAT'S LIFE B. YOU TAKE THE GOOD YOU TAKE THE BAD YOU TAKE EM BOTH AND THERE YOU HAVE SUCK MY DICK IF YOU THOUGHT I WAS BOUT TO FINISH THAT LINE.
@THEKIDMERO
HOLLA ATCHA BOY SUMMERTIME IS HERE I KNOW CUZ IM SEEIN MORE CHEEKS THAN A MAKEUP LADY.
FROM MY TWITTER:
@ Yo Mero, whats good with NY politicians fucking up non-stop? Spitzer, Rangel, Patterson? I mean damn, they all wilin'!POLITICIANS ARE DICKS B. ITS NOT JUST NY, EVEN THOUGH THEY BIGGER DICKS PAUSE. LEMME TELL YOU WHY POLITICIANS ARE DICKS AND WHY I NEVER WANNA BE FAMOUS, RICH YEAH, BUT NOT FAMOUS OR IN THE PUBLIC EYE.ONCE YOU IN OFFICE, EVEN IF ITS A BULLSHIT ASS OFFICE LIKE ASSISTANT JUNIOR COMPTROLLER OF ANIMAL RIGHTS FUNDS, EVERYTHING YOU DO WRONG POPS IN THE MEDIA. IDK WHO THE FUCK HIRAM MONSERATTE IS BUT THAT NIGGA IS IN THE PAPER EVERY DAY FOR SMACKIN HIS WIFEY. NIGGA I'LL GO HOME AND SMACK MY WIFE RIGHT NOW AND WON'T NOBODY GIVE A SHIT EXCEPT MY MOTHER IN LAW. YOU KNOW WHY? CUZ IM NOT A JUNIOR SENATOR REPRESENTATIVE EXECUTATIVE ASSISTANT. SO IF YOU THINKIN ABOUT RUNNIN FOR OFFICE FUCK ALL THE HOOKERS YOU WANT NOW AND GET THAT SHIT OUTTA YOUR SYSTEM, THEN WAIT 10 YEARS, MOVE TO ANOTHER STATE AND THEN RUN FOR OFFICE. YOU JUST CANT RUN IN ANY BIG STATE CUZ NIGGAS WILL GET THAT DIRT ON YOU DOGGIE.I USED TO FEEL BAD FOR PATERSON CUZ THE NIGGA LOOKS LIKE A BLIND MR. BOGUS BUT DOGS, YOU NEED TO CALL ME BEFORE YOU MAKE DECISIONS LIKE LYIN ABOUT EVERYTHING IN THE WORLD. THIS NIGGA PROBABLY AINT EVEN BLIND. IF ONE OF MY NIGGAS CALLED ME UP ALL NERVOUS LIKE "YO I JUST FUCKED UP MY WIFE DOG I NEED AN ALIBI" I'D BE LIKE "MY NIGGA NOOOO, IM NOT SNITCHIN BUT IM 550 ON THIS ONE I GOT NOTHIN TO DO WITH NOTHIN. CALL YOUR MOM NIGGA" *CLICK* I MOST DEFINETLY WOULDN'T CALL AND TELL THE BITCH TO DROP THE CHARGES BEFORE SOMETHING HAPPENS. HE FUCKED UP!SPITZER FUCKED UP CUZ HE PAID FOR PUSSY. THAT GOVERNMENT MONEY IS ALL ACCOUNTED FOR MY NIGGA, YOU DONT WORK AT MCDONALDS WHERE YOU CAN JUST CHARGE A NIGGA FOR AN APPLE PIE WHEN THEY ORDER 6 #6'S AND POCKET THE REST. THIS IS NEW YORK STATE MY NIGGA, NOT FUCKIN MONTANA. YOU WERE EITHER GONNA GET PINCHED BY AN ACCOUNTANT YOU YELLED AT ONCE, OR WHAT HAPPENED IN REALITY, A FAME STARVED BITCH THAT NEEDED FACETIME TO GET HER MUSIC CAREER OFF MYSPACE AND INTO A BIGGER ARENA...LIKE MAYBE FACEBOOK. SHE GOT BAGGED, FLIPPED ON YOU, AND NOW YOU MAD SHERM LOOKIN LIKE THIS NIGGA AND YOU HAVE 0 JUICE. MEANWHILE SHE GOT PAID TO TALK ABOUT YOU BEING SHERM AND HAVIN A TINY DILZ AND WEARIN DRESS SOCKS WHILE YOU BEAT. SHE PROBABLY STILL GETTIN BREAD.RANGEL FUCKED UP CUZ HE LOOKS LIKE THE NIGGA AT THE "CANDY STORE" BY MY MOM CRIB THAT SELLS LOTTO TICKETS AND CARDS & SHIT. I THOUGHT THE NIGGA WAS FROM BANGLADESH OR SOME SHIT, COME TO FIND OUT HOMIE IS BLACK. NIGGA LOOK LIKE A HINDU BULLFROG. THATS ANOTHER NIGGA THAT GETS A MINIMUM OF 2 PAGES IN THE PAPER EVERY GODDAMN DAY WHEN I WANNA READ ABOUT BITCHES JUMPIN INTO TRAIN TRACKS AND SHIT. THEY WASTIN 2 OF MY PAGES TELLIN ME ABOUT A "SCANDAL" INVOLVING THIS FUCKIN PAKISTANI TOAD'S "ETHICS"...I DON'T CARE. THEY NEED TO EXPAND THE POLICE BLOTTER IN THE POST TO LIKE 5 PAGES AND KILL SOME OF THESE ARTICLES AFTER THE 1ST DAY.SO BASICALLY ALL POLITICIANS ARE DICKHEADS CUZ THEY WANNA RUN AROUND HAVIN MISTRESSES AND DOIN COKE IN HOTELS AND FUCKIN PROS AND SHIT. EVENTUALLY YOU'LL GET KNOCKED B. EVERYBODY GOT A CAMERA PHONE, EVERYBODY GOT A TWITTER, EVERYBODY GOT A EVERYTHING. AND EVERYBODY IS A SNITCH THAT WANTS MONEY. ADD ALL THAT UP AND YOU GOT A SHORT CAREER AS AN ASSISTANT SECRETARY OF D.A. FARTS.AND YO FOR YALL NIGGAS THAT DIDNT NOTICE, HIT MY FUCKIN TWITTER UP!! IM TRYNA GET TO SOULJA BOY STATUS!! @THEKIDMERO AND, AXEDAKID@YAHOO.COM
